Disruptive work colleague making me have panic attacks

[Spikie]

I came off Citralopram a month or so ago and since then I have been finding my office companion unbearable. I'm told she was always like this, so I can only assume the drugs took the edge off her (made me more tolerant or less prone to reaction to her behaviour).

I work in a job that needs a lot of concentration and she sits all day drumming on the desk, stamping her feet, over-reacting to things (she'll miss-type a number and then go on about how the computer is playing up at the top of her voice for 5 minutes), just generally making noise. If she has to put numbers in the computer, she'll read them out and then narrate any miss-types or answers she gets, which is not helpful when I am trying to type numbers myself.

In fact, have you seen Shrek 2? Donkey in the journey to Far Far Away... she will just sit there then suddenly start slapping her chest to a tune, or clicking, or popping.

She is making me incredibly anxious, as work is taking longer and containing more errors, so stress about my job security. She is also making me really want to shout or throw things at her, which isn't like me. I have come close to crying on several occassions and have gotten within a hairs breadth of self harming again.

I mentioned it to her in a friendly way and she said 'well, you should know how it is, I've just come off anti-depressants too' (she took them for 2 weeks then decided she didn't need them so stopped, understanding though I am of such issues given I have them too, I don't believe a month of not being able to sit still is a genuine side effect). She said she would stop, and had started again by the afternoon.

If I tell a partner she will sulk about it, and 99% sure she will continue doing it. Nowhere else to go, stuck with her. At my wits end.

Is there something I can do to relieve stress? I can sometimes tune her out, and I did try and train her by only making her drinks when she was quiet, but usually that means I have to go without drinks for hours and that isn't viable.

Did I mention I'm at my wits end? Sadly I know how I can solve this, either I make a complaint (she has ignored my reasonable request to sit still and get on with her work quietly) and make her an enemy, or I play the 'you're aware I have depression, either you shut her up or I start taking sick leave' card with the partners (I had a day off when I was suffering discontinuation because I couldn't face a day with her).

AT MY WITS END!!! :(

[littleredhen]

I have mixed responses to this:

On one hand I laughed out loud - especially the Shrek/Donkey bit ! :D and the way you've written it is very amusing. I can totally picture what you are talking about because I've had a similar situation. We've got a woman here who sings or hums under her breathe all day and she doesn't even know she's doing it.

However, on the other hand, I sympathise and feel for you and can see why this is hard work. I find that once something has started to irritate and annoy me then no matter how much I try I just can't tune it out.

Well done for raising it with her though - that took courage and tact and even if it didn't have the desired end result, you appear to have done it without upsetting anyone.


What can you do about it? Well, what I do is discreetly put my ipod on with one ear piece on the side of my head away from my boss and tuck the device inside my bra. I listen to meditation music, or something very calming. I've got several tracks that I listen to over and over on repeat and I only listen to them while at work so I associate work/concentration with the music. I find I can't listen to song when I am trying work, just instrumentals.

Other than that - perhaps you have to say something again, or ask if you can work in a meeting room for an hour or so while you are trying to concentrate on something specific and then just say the reasons why - that you can't concentrate while the office is so distracting.

Good luck! :bighug1:

[Spikie]

Thanks :)

Yes, I was trying to be lighthearted as I'm trying to make it amusing to myself to lessen the upset. She really is just like Donkey in that scene though... which makes describing it easier!

I have been REALLY tempted to have music on, but I'm sat in front of a radio (that, if I turn it down/off causes her to make 10x more noise...), plus I think it would lead to conflict. I bet if I put ear plugs in she would claim she had no idea she was bothering me.

I suppose it is incentive to move on in the company, I might have my own office then...

[daintydi]

Hi Spikie,
I know you are at your wits end...(you mentioned it) BUT while you still have a shread of humour left, use it. Get a picture of Donkey from Shrek, put it on your desk, so when your about to throw the staple gun at your "friend", or worse burst into tears with frustration, just look at the picture! bound to make you smile! worth a try? breath deeply THEN Just throw the staple gun anyway!!
Take care
Diane x

[toshtao]

There is no reason why you should put up with such abuse. Go file a complaint that a fellow employee is causing a distraction for you. Remember, you and her were hired to get work done, not clown around.

If your boss is really a good person he will understand and will either separate you or tell her to shut up once and for all. If this woman will not listen to you she sure as hell will listen to the leader, a.k.a. the boss.

If your boss is still not helping in the slightest then start working in other locations, or jobs even. This immaturity should not be put up with. I know exactly what you are going through, and you need to put in action to resolve it. :mad:

[Spikie]

There is no reason why you should put up with such abuse. Go file a complaint that a fellow employee is causing a distraction for you. Remember, you and her were hired to get work done, not clown around.

If your boss is really a good person he will understand and will either separate you or tell her to shut up once and for all. If this woman will not listen to you she sure as hell will listen to the leader, a.k.a. the boss.

If your boss is still not helping in the slightest then start working in other locations, or jobs even. This immaturity should not be put up with. I know exactly what you are going through, and you need to put in action to resolve it. :mad:

She's told off almost daily, the partner sits 10 feet from us with the door open. She doesn't care.

Best case scenario, he has a word, she sulks for a few days, she starts again. The idea she will sit quietly does not even bear thought; she won't as she never has. If being told she needs to get work done has had no effect, being told to stop making stupid noises won't.

The idea of spending time at other desks would be great, except then chances are I'D get in trouble for 'never being at my desk'.

Also I don't know what the job market is like over the pond, but here in the UK people would kill to have a job, even if it meant sitting with an annoying woman :) (or is that :( ?)

[littleredhen]

perhaps you need to a manipulate a explosive outburst - "for god's sake can't you just shut up for one little minute ?! some of us are trying to concentrate around here!"

maybe it will shock her into seeing how her behaviour is affecting you.

You should tell HR though so it goes on record that you have tried to do something about it gently before flipping your lid.

[blue moon]

Hi,Why don't you mimic her,everytime she does something ,do the same,How many people work in office and does it piss them off too.
Petra x:)

[Elen]

Hi

I have the same problem at my work but I am afraid that I have had to recognise that no-one can make me have a panic attack, that is down to me.

I find music running through one earpiece is enough to drown out the worst of the noise but still allows me to hear if collegues are adressing me.

I have certain tracks that I have used to do deep breathing techniques with and now simply listening to one of them calms me right down.

I think the problem is that one of the symptoms of anxiety is hightened awareness but I stand by what I say in that it is up to us to deal with it and not to necessarily put the responsibility onto someone else.

Good luck

Elen

[Spikie]

Hi

no-one can make me have a panic attack, that is down to me.



Hi Elen

Thanks, that actually helps :)

I just wanted to come back on as I have had a great week while my colleague was away, I had my own music on, got twice the normal work done and felt great about myself and confident in my decisions as I was able to concentrate.

I walked in this morning, said morning to my colleague, she said morning then within 4 seconds (yes, I was counting...) had launched into 'OMG my computer is doing updates, it says I can keep working but it'll throw me out in a bit, this is so annoying why do I even need these updates?'.

So back to the old me then it seems. She has also complained at me that I am 'still quiet'. You would have thought she'd have caught on by now...

'Please stop being annoying'
#Continues to be annoying#
'Well I'll be all down then'
.......
'I don't understand why you are down'.
(note, not an actual conversation :) )

---------- Post added at 09:14 ---------- Previous post was at 08:46 ----------


Hi,Why don't you mimic her,everytime she does something ,do the same,How many people work in office and does it piss them off too.
Petra x:)

Oh I meant to say, if I mimic her I will get in trouble, I have been here several times in my life (someone does something, I show them how annoying it is, I get in trouble for being annoying).

[Anxious_gal]

She sounds a bit hyperactive.
I don't think she's really capable of being quite.

But at the same time I've seen big offices and they are noisy, people chatting, phones ringing, loud laughter n voices.

You can't controle it. The only options you have is to wear ear phones or ear plugs.
Unless she's so bad that you could complain her n she gets fired.

[Spikie]

She sounds a bit hyperactive.
I don't think she's really capable of being quite.

But at the same time I've seen big offices and they are noisy, people chatting, phones ringing, loud laughter n voices.

You can't controle it. The only options you have is to wear ear phones or ear plugs.
Unless she's so bad that you could complain her n she gets fired.

I've no problem with general noise, I can study and work quite happily in noise, it's when someone is being specifically annoying making stupid noises and being attention seeking that I struggle. When there were three of us, she and her friend talked all day and I worked and all was well.

[Spikie]

Just as an update, I went to the partner and explained what was happening and how I was largely ignoring her now unless she talks about work. I was worried her being a pain would be ignored, while my ignoring her would get me in trouble (which has happened earlier in my life).

The partner said he approves of my actions 100% and feels she is a pain too. He has agreed if she comes to him complaining about me, nothing will be held against me.

So yay!

As a side point, a lady elsewhere in the office is whining at me because I made a (very) small error in procedure, meaning she had to spend 2 minutes correcting something. A year ago that would have debilitated me, I would have obsessed over the mistake and taken it all to heart. Instead, I said 'I'm sorry, I'll try not to let it happen again' and moved on. She is still sulking with me, but I now see that that is her problem, not mine. I made a mistake, it had very small consequences overall, the fact she is still going on about it is her issue rather than mine.

I'm so proud of me :)