Struggling to become independent

[danbryn]

Ive just done 12 weeks of cbt because i couldnt leave my house, Ive now managed to achieve my biggest fear which is being in a supermarket and even better, during the busiest time.
Thats with either my mum or dad,
Ive have managed things like going to town, going to my nans in the other part of town, walking mum to work everyday, walking to my sisters and i even went to my sisters bf family BBQ. The Problem is, That when i have done them, its always been with someone.

How can i make small steps to becoming independent ?.

What Advice can anyone give me :(?

Its really getting to me now, Im sat here feeling so down about it

[vicky23]

well first off huge congratulations for making those achievements they really are huge.
I guess becoming independant would be just exactly the same as how you started with getting out more. start with the easiest thing then progress from there.
So walk out your front door on your own then come straight back, then walk a little further then come back etc the anxiety will increase at first but as you have experienced it always passes
You can definitley do it, you've shown how much courage and determination you have by coming this far!
Best wishes

[holiday]

I second the congratulations!
I think that us cerebral types think too much and demand too much of ourselves without giving ourselves the credit of our achievements. So, first thing's first, pat yourself on the back and say well done!
The next step is to take it little by little and make sure that you set realistic goals.
This is really important as if you can set a realistic goal, then you will likely achieve it.
If you can achieve lots of goals, then your confidence should increase.
If you can increase your confidence, then you will be less anxious and then at this point you can increase the size of your goal ... and so on.
I've had Panic disorder and agoraphobia for 11 years now and I started to try to do things too big and too quick. My confidence got shattered and it set me back for a number of years. But - I've managed to find my way a but more now and am back on track.
I wish you luck and hope that you can find a way forward.
Just don't forget to pat yourself on the back for all your achievements! :)

[purplesky]

Sounds like you have done loads already. Going out whether with someone or alone sounds like it is worth loads for you. I would agree that starting with small steps is the way, and so maybe going somewhere close by is a good idea, with someone on the end of your mobile phone to support you. Then maybe if you can manage a short distance, go out with someone again for your next time, and maybe alternate them a bit, which would hopefully build your confidence slowly and surely.

It's not always an exact science, and there might be times when it feels like little progress is being made. All I can say is that I believe every journey outside is an achievement when we find it so difficult. Use all the tools like your CBT, your support, and your own motivation. It sounds like you already have achieved a lot, and I'm sure many people will relate to your experiences, me included. :)

[mistymoo]

well done for achieving what you have so far, how about arranging to meet someone somewhere, or like the previous post, talk to someone on your mobile, start small and dont try and run before you can walk, good luck your doing fab

[Starmist]

That sounds like such an achievement. I have only left the house 3 times since 1st February (not counting time spent in the garden), but that was only a short walk to the Cemetery behind my house. I would give an arm or a leg to be able to go to a supermarket with someone right now.

Please don't feel down about it give yourself a massive pat on the back and perhaps try the tecniques you learnt with your CBT? I don't know what they do or suggest as I haven't been offered it yet (hoping it's my next step) I agree with mistymoo why not arrange to meet someone somewhere?

Good luck and keep smiling :)

[Hawthorn]

Heya :)

Do you have a small shop nearby? I was in a similar position to you, and my challenge to myself was to be able to go to that small shop. I just bought a pint of milk. I knew roughly where it was, so I was able to go right to it. It was awful, but the next time was easier.
I can now go to the post office (during quiet times) the shop across the road, and the shop (a little busier) further down the road, on my own.
I have yet to manage a supermarket solo too but I think you've crossed the main hurdle of getting there with someone, and the rest isn't too far behind if you keep trying :)
The only advice I can give is if you are in a place with someone and the panic hits, for whatever reason, try and stay there. Every time it happened to me I would make a quick exit. It wasn't until I started staying put that things started to improve and I started to have a little faith in myself that I could do it. Maybe try to find a quiet aisle or corner if it's bad, but try not to leave the building.

good luck :)

[grotbags]

Goodness me, you really have achieved an awful lot. I hope you're proud of yourself because that is quite some progress?!

I'm in the same position at the moment. I used to be ok going out alone but after a relapse last year I can only go out when I'm with my safe person. And my safe person does my head in at times :)

The best way forward - I think - would be to repeat the steps you used, but this time do them alone. Follow the same advice but try it alone, so start off gradually like going into a newsagents or somewhere small alone, just to buy one thing or even to browse. Repeat until comfortable, then take the next step. That is what I'm working on at the moment. Your progress so far is really encouraging.