What caused you to have HA?

[worrybear]

I thought id start this post and be totally honest about what i think caused my HA.... Hopefully others can post too and we can try to get to the bottom of our anxiety's in a safe place where we can be honest and understand each other. Here goes:
I hope this story does not upset/worry anybody,its just my experience that i think has caused HA for me.

I think this started for me 3 years ago.
I was newly pregnant, it didnt cross my mind that something might go wrong,but it did and i had a miscarriage.I also had a very rare form of miscarriage which took the doctors quite a while to diagnose,i had to be followed up for 6 months.
Forward 3 years and ive got my gorgeous baby boy.
Just after the birth this is when my HA really kicked in, i kept getting weird sensations which the doctor told me was stress... it settled down abit and then came back with a wham and i havnt been able to get over it since!
The wham came when a close friend lost her baby the ame way i did back 3 years ago,this really affected me and this is when the tingling,twitching and panic came back.
I suppose i think now that because ive had one rare thing,im just bound to get another,so when the doctors say ms is rare i think ive had rare before!
Also with the added worry that im a mum now to my lil boy who i have waited and hoped for so much,i worry somethings going to take me away from him.
But the annoying thing is HA is taking me away from him and i can see it but i cant get over it.
I just want to get better from this now :(
This is my story and the most honest i think ive ever been.
Thanks for reading
xx

[geishagirl]

thank you for sharing!!!

Mine was started by 2 things. 1) When I was a little girl my cousin was born with a hole in his heart and was on medication and was blown up in the face like a little balloon. He died age 6. I was convinced as a child you could catch it and sadly I wouldnt go near him. I obviously had 'issues' even back then. Now I regret this.

Then 10 years ago I went on holiday and developed sun stroke. All the physical symptoms of this made me very sick and every holiday I now go on I get ill :( I have been better in recent years :)

I was fine for around 5 years but it has come back recently.

[chrissi38]

Morning all,my health anx started in oct 08, I had a massive panic attack (my first) and was admitted to hospital with a suspected heart attack.i was discharged the next day when my blood tests showed I hadnt had a heart attack,the dr said it was probably just a panic attack and I was sent home in shock not even knowing what a panic attack was.i spent 2 weeks at home terrified convinced it was going to happen again finally went to my gp who diagnosed panic attacks and gad gave me seroxat and a course of therapy ,almost 4 yrs later I still feel like I m waiting for that imminent fatal heart attack every day,obviously whilst I write this I know I'm being stupid but I know at some point today I will feel a little breathless or get a random ache or pain in my chest and that will be me done for the day back to being scared/terrified that I m going to die and tomorrow will be exactly the same .

[worrybear]

Thanks for sharing!
I hope one day we can leave HA behind us and start living our lifes to the full without worry.x

[zippy]

I think i may have always had a bit of HA even when i was little but i didn't know. I can remember laying in bed when i was about 10 and thinking about death and going into a cold sweat. And i always used to think i would die young. I got m.e/cfs 11yrs ago and that kicked off my HA, the doctors didn't know what was wrong with me and it took about 4 yrs to be diagnosed. While they were saying all the tests were fine i was convinced i had a brain tumour but they obviously were m.e symptoms. Now every time i get a new symptom i have never had before i always think i have cancer somewhere in my body and have numerous tests that are always normal. So now my gp says i have m.e/fibro and anxiety :weep:

[gemjones85]

Evening X
As a child i always was a bit OCD about things- like little rituals i had to do before bed.... then when i had my 2nd child i got pnd and have never been the same - the HA started up when i found out id need a section with my twins (now 19 months) and then started raging when one of them stopped breathing at 5 weeks old (bronciolitus) then both babies ended up on oxygen in hospital for a week - i dealt with it great at the time then it hit me like a bus .....

XX

[Dzt66]

This is a great thread. Like you, worrybear, I have also had some "rare" things. I never suffered health anxiety through any of my pregnancies or babies. Thank God for that.

Right before my first pregnancy I found a tumor on my thyroid. It took numerous inconclusive tests before they decided to just remove part of my thyroid. The tumors were benign and they were able to leave part of my thyroid which still functions perfectly normal and I do not have to be on meds.

But that did not set on my HA.

After having all of my babies we discovered that we were living in a Chinese drywall house (toxins). We immediately moved out. While living there I was tested for MS for memory problem, clumsiness, tingling, loss of sensation. The MRI of my brain was negative. We later found out they think some of the toxins were affecting my nervous system.

That did it for me. Since then I have thought I had skin cancer, I've had a biopsy of a white spot on my gums, seen a cardiologist for heart arrhythmia, of course felt I had female problems so I took those to my OBGYN. I have had two kidney stones since having my babies. I had Bells Palsey in college.

Like so many, I often think, what is next? So now I am re-visiting MS. Thinking maybe it is in my spine. But I met with my Chiropractor today and she said she does NOT think I have it. But I am having a Spinal MRI thursday to see why my arms hurt and tingle.

Big hugs to everyone on here. It feels good to say all of that.

Oh, after all of this I found out last year that my mom and her mom both dealt with anxiety and specifically health anxiety. I do think this thing runs in the family. That should be enough to make me stop it! I do NOT want my kids to get this from me! And yet, I will have my next test run Thursday :/

[Dreamalittledream]

I spoke to my mother the other week and realise that I probably always had it but she helped me to actually look at things in a more balanced way. She said when I was little I would come to her with things that she honestly couldnt see.

I always have suffered from general anxiety which is related to being adopted.

I grew up with people in family suffering rare and odd medical issues, most of which meant we visited hospitals a lot.

Fast forward a few years and while I suffered anxiety and stress, I actually worked with medical software and trained in hospitals with no problem, though I always have had a vein phobia (not needles, just the veins).

So when I met my husband he suffered from kidney issues and six months before we got married he was told he needed a transplant...still no health anxiety.

In fact, I went through the whole donation process (even with the vein thing!) with hubby getting all the rare side effects of most of the medications. He honestly will have the rare side effects and pains with no reason - but not a problem.

Then two years ago my father was diagnosed with terminal cancer. For the next eight months I put myself under great stress looking after him - I spent basically every hour not at work with him.

Then a month after he died I had bariatric surgery.
Then a month later, a friend (and best man at our wedding) died, which involved a two week trip to the other side of the world).
I returned to my job being under complete stress...I worked as a assistant and had three bosses in five months with two restructures.

But what really set it off...my husband then found lumps under his arm...I know it was this was the breaking point because I remember feeling I could not handle either the idea of loosing him or the idea of battling through cancer (I have always been a positive, we will get through it even if it istn great type of person)

To top it off though, I was loosing weight but not walking so not getting rid of any stress, I suffered some side effects from the weight loss and a knee injury which are only just coming right now.

After seeing my dr, I saw a psychologist and also got homeopathic treatments.

A few weeks ago I finally quit all caffeine and finally that knot in my stomach is gone. Each day i seem to get better and better.

I also am seeing an osteopath for my chronic tight muscles (suffered from this since I was a teenager) which has really helped with actual pain (not anxiety induced - well not other than anxiety makes you tense!)

I still catch myself checking, and I still have a list of things to check with my Dr, but before a visit on Friday, I hadnt been to the Dr for three months!

So basically a stress induced medical situation!

I do think if you suffer lots of rare issues (either yourself or in your family) that it might "induce" HA because you stop thinking like normal people. You know people who automatically just think it will be a general problem rather than a rare horrible thing!

[worrybear]

Thankyou so much for sharing,ive been reading through everyones replies and it seems everyone of us has things happen to ourselves or close ones.
My therapist says HA can remain dormant for a while but theres always a trigger! Which then makes us think negatively about our bodys symptoms and we link it to health related info ie googling and always think the worst case senario.I think dreamalittledream you have hit the nail on the head we have stopped thinking normally,we always think the worst because we have had the worst! We are thinking i will have this because its rare and i always get rare.
Now we all know our triggers we need to try and move forward together by changing the way we think,its not going to be easy but im determined that we can all do it :)
xxx

[miss polly]

I think my HA started when my first child was born. I worried so much about him and being the perfect mum to him and I was also terrified something would happen to me and then who would love and look after him the way I did. Then my dad was diagnosed with cancer. When he died at the relatively young age of 59 I was devastated and now I'm 50 I feel it's almost inevitable my time is coming to a close. I spend most days in a panic and if I notice anything different on my body I'm just about comatose with terror. It doesn't help that I'm petrified of death. I'm worn down with it all and I don't know how to begin to climb out of this hole I'm in. I'm so sorry there are so many of us blighted by this damn HA xxx

[gemjones85]

this thread is great! it doesnt make me feel so alone and a "crank" as people who dont understand say.

I also worry myself sick incase i die and leave my kids, there dad isnt up to the job etc.... so i wrote a letter (kinda a will) with all my wishes and it took a big weight off my shoulders.... just a thought XX

[southey]

I was ill as a kid, around age 9 I got very ill over about a year and the Docs couldn't figure out what was wrong. My collar bone eventually swelled up and I had a biopsy and they found I had something called Osteomyelitis.

The upshot was I nearly died from blood poisoning and also had that bone removed and as it was so incredibly rare to get that disease in that bone I believe it is now in a jar in some archive somewhere:shades:!

After that I had intense joint pain all over well into my teenage years and don't think I ran at all from age 9 to at least 18.

This may be a root cause of my HA and along with a period in my life where I dabbled in cannabis use no doubt caused my mental problems.

Steve.

[GirlAfraid23]

I'd always been a worried/anxious child and thought about death alot, in my first year of life alot happened that I can't remember but it seems to have affected me greatly and my obsessions with death, my mum gave birth to a girl after me but she died an hour after she was born, about 6 months after that my mum's best friend took her own life due to anorexia/bulimia issues, she overdosed on pills - being a baby at the time I do do recall any of these things. In recent years however many counsellers have told me that this may be the underlying cause of my obsessions with death, dying & becoming ill.

Also, when I was 16 my brother ended up in hospital wit ha very rare brain disorder- we didn't think he would survive and he had to teach himself to walk, talk and eat again...I think this may have been the main culprit as he was young, healthy and fit just a day before he collapsed in a coma and wouldn't wake up for days. Obviously these things stay in your mind and as you get older you can't seem to shake the thought that if it can happen to somebody else, especially family then why wouldn't it happen to me?

[AngelHeart]

Right here I go lol !! Some quick background info .......... Physically, mentally and emotionally abused as a childe by my Mum, she never showed any love or affection towards me, molested by one of her boyfriends at the age of 8. Bullied in school. Mum died of a heart attack at 47 when we werent speaking, same year lost my Gramps to cancer who died in my arms , he was my dad as I never knew my own.

I started with depression as a young age and was convinced I was going to die before I was 30. When I had my 2nd daughter when I was 28 I suffered PND because of her size 11lb 3oz and natural birth. I had a pain in my lower right abdomen which the Dr said was a pelvic infection then IBS. My panic attacks, gad and HA started from this moment, convincing myself I had something seriously wrong with me. I trembled every day and was so anxious constantly, found it very, very hard. Kept getting fobbed off over 2 years by the same Dr until one day I was doubled over in pain and my DH went into the surgery to complain. was sent to hospital for the camera. The result??? ...... a grumbling appendix that was ready to burst. So I lost trust in the Dr and my HA got worse. Over the years I have had everything wrong with me and I mean everything and had countless tests. My PA and GAD did subside and I could live a normal life, looking forward to things e.t.c for a number of years even though I still worried about my healt I wasnt obsessed with it.

Was fine until last year when alot of stresses and being diagnosed with an inner ear problem which causes off balance, eyes blurry, fuzzy head, headaches and anxiety , sent me off the scale again with PA, GAD and HA. Slowly getting better with all of the symptoms but a strange feeling remains like theres something seriously wrong that I cant shake. Scared of dying again , scared of my health again. Scared of everything ! But I'm fighting through and hopefully will get back to looking forward to things again. Got no motivation or enthusiusm ! Hate life at the moment. Sorry for the long post everyone xxx

---------- Post added at 20:26 ---------- Previous post was at 20:24 ----------

Oh and BTW I never died before I was 30.... I'm 36 now :D

[vintage1980]

I actually can't pinpoint when my health anxieties begun. I have always been terrified of death due to the fact that I was born into a church that put a massive emphasis on guilt, sinning and eternal death but in terms of anxieties about my health ... I don't think I know. I remember the first time I had a paranoia, I was 19 (I'm 31 now) and I was convinced I had HIV. Did I go for a test? No. I was too scared of the result and thought "well, I'll find out if I die from it" (sounds so stupid). When I was 23 I was convinced I had a brain tumour to the extent that I would panic so much I'd go dizzy which just exacerbated the symptoms.

When I got my first 'proper' job when I was 25 it went away for a while, I guess because I had something to throw myself into and I felt like I'd 'made it' as I'd been trying for two years to get into the sector I work in now but to no avail. The attacks have always been on and off but they've been at their most severe recently. For that I can definitely pinpoint it to my nan's death back in March. She was part of my life for so long and now that she's gone, it sort of marks the start of a new chapter where the next generation to go will be my parents. I don't know, I guess it just reminded me of mortality which I still can't deal with very well.


I wrote on here recently that my new 'thing' was lung cancer. Well, this has all but passed but I don't feel relieved because I know that it'll come back, or I'll find something new to move onto. I sound so crazy. I don't think people that haven't experienced it before can truly understand, even if they want to. I feel so sorry for my fiancé sometimes.

EDIT: I feel the need to confess this here because I think this is the place where people may be able to relate! When I was little I was told that if you had a long line on your hand, this was your lifeline. Well, the line on my left hand is actually quite short therefore I was convinced that I was going to die young. Because of a hand line. The silly thing is, when I'm at my worst, I sometimes look at my handline and start to believe the superstition even though in real life I'm logical! (Not logical enough to work out I don't have all these illnesses though ...)

[AngelHeart]

I meant to say I was 26 when I first started with it not 28 lol xx

[saab]

Interesting to read this thread. I won't go into my long and complicated story other than to say that my heart ectopics started after an operation - though looking back I can see that the spells of anxiety started before then. I was having gynae problems and constantly going back for tests and scans over a period of two years. It was never good news, it was always, "Come back in 8 weeks" and I think this got me in the habit of expecting the worst outcome. Hence when doctors tell me my hundreds a day ectopics are harmless, I just can't believe them.

I have always had a tendency to worry though. In CBT they talk about cognitive distortions - seeing things not as they are, but distorted.

My worst tendancy is catastrophic thinking - I expect the worse out come, whether it is a headache, my heart ectopics, or taking back an item to a shop. A while ago I lost my carpark ticket. By the time I got to the barrier I had already in my mind been through the row with the attendant, the letter to the store, the court case. The attendant just opened the barrier when I explained.

My health anxiety has spilled over into general anxiety now, like meeting new people, crowded places, flying. When I worried about things before I could always fall back on rational thinking and logic - that has gone out the window now. I have to work much harder to overcome negative thoughts than I used to have to.

Very frustrating. I am much better than I was when this started 8 years ago, but I have a slight head tremour that doesn't ever go (gets worse the more anxious I am), and have lost a lot of confidence. I never feel truly relaxed anymore and have lost the peace of mind.

I have a fantastic life in so many ways, so much to be grateful for, but I cannot say I am actually happy because these palpitations hang over me like a cloud, even on a good day like today.