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W.I.F.T.S.
11-07-06, 12:38
My brother is getting married at the end of the month. He didn't really want to invite my aunty because his fiancee doesn't like her on sight and we don't really have that much to do with her. My gran then said she wasn't coming to the wedding if my aunty wasn't and gave my brother money to invite her- which he has done in the end because they need the money.

I'm getting married next year. We've left the arrangement up to my mrs mum and dad to save grief for us. We were going to go to Cyprus, but my agrophobia and fear of flying meant that I was dreading it, so we moved it to Gretna green instead. The same gran, who says that she hates weddings and doesn't like travelling very far as she's about 80, said all along that she wouldn't go.

We're starting to book things now. I went on my brothers stag do on the weekend and he told me that my gran is livid that she hasn't been invited to Gretna!! He also said that my dad's been moaning to him that they can't get a room in the hotel where we're stopping because we've given preference to my mrs family. I'd really been working hard to psyche myself up for the stag do, as I wasn't looking forward to it and that news made me feel really miserable.

I got home and asked my dad what the problem was and he said that everything was fine. I spoke to my gran on the phone- she's normally the loveliest person you could hope to meet- you could tell how angry she was. I said to her "you're welcome to come, we just thought you wouldn't want to because of the distance, you don't like weddings and you'll probably be back in your room asleep when it all starts". She said she wouldn't come anyway, but she wanted to be asked. She then asked about my uncle and aunty coming!! I said "we're only taking very close family up and having a reception when we get back". "Oh, well if they're not invited I don't want to go" she said.

I'm not sure if my mum has stirred things because I showed her the invitation list and she thinks it's 9 from my side and 25 from my mrs's. I told her that her uncles and auntys are only invited because she sees them every week, we all go out a lot and on holidays together and that about 8 on the list are mutual friends of ours.

My other gran has invited people to both mine and my brothers wedding behind our backs!!!

My mrs doesn't want to go to my brothers wedding in case my family start going on about our wedding!!

My head is throbbing with it and we're not even getting married til September 2007.

i just feel so frustrated, wound up and upset about it all that I feel like leaving town.

I'm trying to see the positive, that people want to come and they're upset and sensitive about it, which is what's causing them to act aggressively or irrationally, but if someone didn't invite me to their wedding I'd just accept it, I wouldn't start kicking off about it. And why does everyone have to talk behind each others back? That really winds me up.

One time my mum nearly fell out with me because I got her a 'normal' christmas card rather than a 'special' one.

When I was 18 I decided to move as far away as possible to go to Uni, which was a bloody brave move for me considering that I was a very nervous and socially awkward kid. I'm understanding now why I thought that way at the time.

Really, my family are lovely and they'd go out of their way to help you out, but they can be so bitchy and petty. They have these expectations that they try and force upon you. They can be very negative too.

My immediate family are pretty inactive, they don't do much apart from go to work, come home, watch the telly and go to the pub. That was what i used to be like. I think, in a way, they try to live through the younger generations.



Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.

EebyJeeby
11-07-06, 15:06
Perhaps you should just elope to Gretna Green - just the two of you! That's what it's famous for, after all :-)

Eeb x

eeyorelover
11-07-06, 20:38
Sorry about all the stress you are having over this!!! I agree that you should have whoever you want because it is your day!!!
I had the same prob when my hubby and I got married (if so and so isn't invited then I'm not coming thing).
Ended up with cutting it all down to 25 guests - quick ceremony - over and done with type of thing.
But you know what??? In the long run - who cares who's there?? The only thing that matters is the two of you and the commitment you are making to one another.
by the way - CONGRATS on your upcoming wedding :)
xxx
Sandy

chedda
12-07-06, 11:32
What a pain it is trying to please every one else and you end up with more stress and anxiety than you have allready:(.
I thinks it worth a serious consideration to elope to gretna green jusy the 2 of you then have a party when you come back.Let everyone come to the party have an open house for it then when all the arguing starts you can go home and leave them to it ...lol
Take care cheryl xx

PanickyPolly
24-07-06, 20:03
Weddings and all sorts can often cause hassle. Plus the hot weather! take no notice. Family are precious...make the most of them.

eeyoresraincloud
25-07-06, 10:48
I wanted a small wedding as I hate being the centre of attention, but somehow, my mother in law sent an open invitation to relatives in Ireland and we had over 100 people turn up that were not invited and who my hubby didn't know.

My hubby is one of 8 children so the numbers were a bit uneven to start with, but by the time the reception had got underway, his sister had rearranged all the seating so my family was squashed into a tiny corner.

Because i was a 'drinker' back then, I got really drunk from all the stress of these people there, had a massive fight with my new husband, my brother tried to hit my new brother in law cause he was having a go at me, and my mother was in floods of tears, oh, and my brother in law decided to 'come out' and announce he was gay to all of his family which started of more tears and arguments. It ended up with me and my hubby walking out and leaving them all to it.

I can laugh about the memories because it was like a scene from a Carry On film, but am sad that such an important day to me was ruined by other people.

My advice to you, would be get 2 of your closest friend or relatives. sneak off to Gretna and get married. then come back and arrange a big party for everyone, if any one moans at you, remind them ITS YOURS AND YOUR FUTURE WIFES DAY nobody elses, this is the day you will hold in your heart forever, make sure it is all about the both of you.

Good luck and may you have many years of love, luck and laughter.
Tricia