chrisalexander1985
30-05-12, 15:42
Hi Guys
As the title suggests I need some help, however its a long story so please do bear with me :/
For the last 6 months I have been having serious problems with my girlfriend, or maybe Ex girlfriend now. yeah I think ex. Basically I found it very had to show emotion towards her because I had a rather abusive household to grow up in. I just couldnt really show her that I loved her and was a total dick. I would just be an arse for no reason and all she did was be nice to me. Anyway about 5 months I finally realised ( one of those ' DING ' moments ) what I was being like. It was one of those situations that when I looked back on the previous three years, I dont really recognise who thhat person was being like that.
Anyway for the last 6 months quite understandably my girlfriend has been putting me through the ringer. Hardly spending time with me, not inviting me to family weddings, not giving me any support of any description, refusing to stay over or be intimate with me all that kinda shit. That is ok, I know I deserve it. Needless to say that the last 6 months have been very very stressful full of arguements because she would just be constantly nasty and refuse to give me a chance ( yet we were still together...hmm ).
I dealt with this by going out with my mates and taking my mind off it. Knowing that there was going to be other girls and that someone new would come along. it would take time but of course time heals all pain and I would get over it (with hindsight, when she was being like this I was constantly worried she would go off with someone else because she would act so disinterested in me yet would act like I couldnt go near another girl, even a friend :/ without her getting angry at me) .
Anyway I would go out drinking and get drunk and do whatever quite a lot.
So fast forward to this last Friday night I went out as per usual to the student union. I was feeling crap and wanted to get drunk and spend time with my mates because she was going to a wedding I was not invited to and got worried that she would meet some guy. I had the typical blues after a relationhip ends but not like im feeling now.
So I drank quite a lot and woke up Saturday morning.....BANG!
My whole body and mind was just consumed in fear of death, life, my dog, my family, work worries and loads of other things including feeling like commiting suicide. I couldnt sit still and walked around a park for hours and hours. I felt like I was literally about to die. It was the worst experience of my life. All of my interest's just faded away and I was just totally consumed by terror and could not stop crying.
Anyway, I called my GF and told her that she had to take our dog because I was in no fit state to look after him and that I was suicidal and she replied '' I cant take him, I have a holiday away in a few days '' Hearltess Eh?
Anyway, this lasted untill Monday night when it suddenly just stopped. I could still feel the worries, they were there but I was rational - '' il get over it'' etc etc.
however since Tuesday I can feel fine, then the next Il get a burning sensation, tingling hands and feet, sweaty hands and slight muscle spasms. the feelings of despair, worthlessness, death, loss off my girlfriend and guilt will become so intense its not funny. Literally anything can start it from an arguement in the street, to not selling something in work to having to run an errand or even washing the dishes, where a bit of food is stuck to the plate and requires a bit more effor than most!! WTF? It usually lasts about 15 mins and then will come back every couple of hours. IN between I just feel zonked out. Like I am on auto pilot. When I dont have it, I am ok like now. Im pretty rational, my interests return etc but the front of my temples are under a bit of pressure and I can ''feel'' it in my head if that makes sense?
What the hell is wrong with me? I went to the doctor because I thought I was depressed. She looked at me and told me straight that she can tell me for sure that I have panic attacks and not depression and that if I did I would know about it. I assumed I did because of the thoughts? However what is the '' zonked out feeling '' in between them? Is that the typical feeling of ''the blues'' after a break up? is it part of the panic attacks?
Its the worst feelings I have ever had and while the doc gave me beta blockers, she also told me that this will fade with time.
This happened once before, the same feelings when I thought my mother was about to die. I was nervous as hell for weeks, got the results and she was fine. I just started crying and got this same thing with the constant ringing of death in my head. I had to leave and go to my familys in England and basically zoned out for a about two weeks and that seemed to do the trick.
however my GF or ex, no have a dog who I am very attached to so I have to see him. Even the though of me seeing her or talking to her or seeing her picture on FB starts to make me feel VERY uneasy, more uneasy than the typical feelings after a break up.
Do you think that the last 6 months have just been so intense my body and brain have just had enough and went a bit mental?
Please help, I hate this. It is just the worst.
Sorry for the huge post,, but there aint any point unless you know all the story :/
Chris
---------- Post added at 14:42 ---------- Previous post was at 14:40 ----------
I forgot to say -
When this happened on saturday, it literally lasted untill monday. Now, the effects are just random throughout the day but not as intense as the first 2 1/2 days.
As the title suggests I need some help, however its a long story so please do bear with me :/
For the last 6 months I have been having serious problems with my girlfriend, or maybe Ex girlfriend now. yeah I think ex. Basically I found it very had to show emotion towards her because I had a rather abusive household to grow up in. I just couldnt really show her that I loved her and was a total dick. I would just be an arse for no reason and all she did was be nice to me. Anyway about 5 months I finally realised ( one of those ' DING ' moments ) what I was being like. It was one of those situations that when I looked back on the previous three years, I dont really recognise who thhat person was being like that.
Anyway for the last 6 months quite understandably my girlfriend has been putting me through the ringer. Hardly spending time with me, not inviting me to family weddings, not giving me any support of any description, refusing to stay over or be intimate with me all that kinda shit. That is ok, I know I deserve it. Needless to say that the last 6 months have been very very stressful full of arguements because she would just be constantly nasty and refuse to give me a chance ( yet we were still together...hmm ).
I dealt with this by going out with my mates and taking my mind off it. Knowing that there was going to be other girls and that someone new would come along. it would take time but of course time heals all pain and I would get over it (with hindsight, when she was being like this I was constantly worried she would go off with someone else because she would act so disinterested in me yet would act like I couldnt go near another girl, even a friend :/ without her getting angry at me) .
Anyway I would go out drinking and get drunk and do whatever quite a lot.
So fast forward to this last Friday night I went out as per usual to the student union. I was feeling crap and wanted to get drunk and spend time with my mates because she was going to a wedding I was not invited to and got worried that she would meet some guy. I had the typical blues after a relationhip ends but not like im feeling now.
So I drank quite a lot and woke up Saturday morning.....BANG!
My whole body and mind was just consumed in fear of death, life, my dog, my family, work worries and loads of other things including feeling like commiting suicide. I couldnt sit still and walked around a park for hours and hours. I felt like I was literally about to die. It was the worst experience of my life. All of my interest's just faded away and I was just totally consumed by terror and could not stop crying.
Anyway, I called my GF and told her that she had to take our dog because I was in no fit state to look after him and that I was suicidal and she replied '' I cant take him, I have a holiday away in a few days '' Hearltess Eh?
Anyway, this lasted untill Monday night when it suddenly just stopped. I could still feel the worries, they were there but I was rational - '' il get over it'' etc etc.
however since Tuesday I can feel fine, then the next Il get a burning sensation, tingling hands and feet, sweaty hands and slight muscle spasms. the feelings of despair, worthlessness, death, loss off my girlfriend and guilt will become so intense its not funny. Literally anything can start it from an arguement in the street, to not selling something in work to having to run an errand or even washing the dishes, where a bit of food is stuck to the plate and requires a bit more effor than most!! WTF? It usually lasts about 15 mins and then will come back every couple of hours. IN between I just feel zonked out. Like I am on auto pilot. When I dont have it, I am ok like now. Im pretty rational, my interests return etc but the front of my temples are under a bit of pressure and I can ''feel'' it in my head if that makes sense?
What the hell is wrong with me? I went to the doctor because I thought I was depressed. She looked at me and told me straight that she can tell me for sure that I have panic attacks and not depression and that if I did I would know about it. I assumed I did because of the thoughts? However what is the '' zonked out feeling '' in between them? Is that the typical feeling of ''the blues'' after a break up? is it part of the panic attacks?
Its the worst feelings I have ever had and while the doc gave me beta blockers, she also told me that this will fade with time.
This happened once before, the same feelings when I thought my mother was about to die. I was nervous as hell for weeks, got the results and she was fine. I just started crying and got this same thing with the constant ringing of death in my head. I had to leave and go to my familys in England and basically zoned out for a about two weeks and that seemed to do the trick.
however my GF or ex, no have a dog who I am very attached to so I have to see him. Even the though of me seeing her or talking to her or seeing her picture on FB starts to make me feel VERY uneasy, more uneasy than the typical feelings after a break up.
Do you think that the last 6 months have just been so intense my body and brain have just had enough and went a bit mental?
Please help, I hate this. It is just the worst.
Sorry for the huge post,, but there aint any point unless you know all the story :/
Chris
---------- Post added at 14:42 ---------- Previous post was at 14:40 ----------
I forgot to say -
When this happened on saturday, it literally lasted untill monday. Now, the effects are just random throughout the day but not as intense as the first 2 1/2 days.