sister making me feel quilty

[tricia56]

hi sorry this post is going to be long and not sure if its the right place but just need to talk to some one.for over 20 yrs i have had to put up with my 48yr old sister who is a alcoholic and a depressive and always trying to kill herself, and its always been me that got the abuse and vilolence and have to seek help for her when she tries to hurt herself and my children had to see it all all the time.even tho i have 2brothers and another sister who just let her get on with it and let me deal with her.in 2009 she got sent to pison for arson cause she was drunk in her flat and set fire to it and when she got out in dec last year i agreed to have her stay with me even tho i was suffering bad with my anxiety i still agreed to have her stay with , i know it was abit silly of me to agree to it but i thought cause she is my sister i cant turn my back on her. But on tuesday evening she tried again to kill her self with a overdose of her medication she is on even tho she knew i had my young daughter and 2 granchildren staying over with me. She is in hospital now and i have told her that i cant do it anymore letting her stay with me as all the worrie and stress over wat she has done again its made me feel bad again .but this morning i got a fone call from her crying and begging me to let her come back and stay with me when she gets out of hosplital , she has made feel so quilty and selffish because i dont want her here with me when she does get out as ill always be worring if she will do it again in my home and i know it will make me ill. i keep telling myself that i have to think of my own well bieng and of my children and grandchildren. WHY is she making me feel like this and am i doing the right thing by not letting her come back to live me as i keep thinking wat if i dont let her and she goes and kill her self and i will blame myself .sorry to have posted this i just dont know wat to do for the best and wonderd what other people would do if they were in my shoes thk you

[Stripeykitty]

If it was me, I wouldn't be able to let her come back. Yes, she's on hard times, but you have your own problems right now. How can you let her in your house when she's tried to do that under your roof? It's not acceptable. What would of happened if one of the children had found her? What if her attempts had worked and one of them found her? It's not fair on your or the children and it's her being selfish to abuse your trust, not the other way around. You need to tell her how you feel and that you can't have her back until she sorts herself out. She's a grown woman, now. I hope this helps you.
All my confidence and hope,
Rosie. x

[messianictalmud]

tricia56 I agree with Rosie that your number 1 concern is your daughter and grandchildren.
While she is in hospital though, I would ask to speak to one the ward nurses tell them that she can't come home to you and you can ask if the nurses can maybe get a hospital social worker to help get her somewhere more appropriate.

[Magic]

Tricia,
I agree with th last two posts. You must put yourself and your family first.xxx

[littleredhen]

Hi - I agree with all this and have gone through the mill with an alcoholic in my family too. I suggest you call AlAnon and go their support groups for friends and families of alcoholics. They will help you live with what you are going through. Best wishes. :hugs:

[Anxious_gal]

As long as you look after her shell never have to look after themselves .
Addicts only care about their next fix .
Unless she goes to rehab n tries to get better she's only just going to get worse.
It's hard but you have to stop enabling her.
I would try to get legally get into some kind of treatment placement even if it's against her will, since she's trying to kill herself she's not capable of looking after herself.

[tricia56]

hi thk you all for ur support and i am going to think of myself and children,not put my sister first as even tho she is my sister im not resposible for her or her actions as i was doing so well with anxiety learning to cope alot better with it till this happened. and i dont want to slip right back because of my sister .she is in the local mental health unit at the moment and because of the arson she went to prison for she is on a life licence and is under a probation officer so she should get the help and support of the mental team and her probation officer. and im going to speak to them on whensday to tell them how i feel about it all and let them sort her out . i know ive just got to be sronger and just tell my sister that i cannot let her come back here to me .and if she does anything stupid then il ljust keep telling myself it wasnt my fault ,as my brother came to see me tonite and he said that because all these years ive always ran after her and sorted her out she thinks i will keep doing doing it for her and that i should of told her to f----off yrs ago when she first started doing what she did .so once again thk u all for yourb sound advice