Skaa
02-06-12, 17:20
I'm a fairly healthy 23 year old, and have worked for the same company since I was 18. I'm doing really well in my career, have my own place and a great girlfriend.
However. I started getting anxious symptoms in Feb 2011, and this started as my awareness of my breathing, which then led to panic attacks. It was around this time that I started driving lessons and passed my test 8 weeks later. I also went on numerous car journeys with my ex, so it clearly wasn't an issue then. My thought patterns have increased, I never switch off. I rarely have actual panic attacks these days (I was inches away from one today but more about that later). I'm not on any continual medication for the symptoms. But I have one CBT session a week.
Here's the recurring problem: for me, any form of travelling is a huge deal now. I admit that I have allowed it to be more so over the past 5 months by avoiding the need to travel anywhere. What happens is, leading up to me having to use a bus, a taxi, a train or a car, I really wind myself up, going to the toilet many times to try and completely empty my bladder BECAUSE when I'm in a vehicle for any longer than 5/10 minutes, I freak out, my mind goes in to overdrive, I start getting the insane urge to pee, and then I worry that I'm going to wet myself, then the adrenaline surges my heart through my chest to my shoulders and arms. I sometimes can't breath properly.
Last weekend, I did a few experiments. I got on a train to a nearby place to do a bit of shopping - at my own pace, with noone else there. 2 days later, I rode 4 buses around my town and both of these experiments worked; I was fine. I also managed 2 car journeys without irrational thoughts. Sadly, this weekend was my turn to visit my girlfriend in London, and I'm really rubbish on the tubes. I have to count down the stops, and go via Kings Cross because I know where the toilet is there. I thought I'd made good progress, and was on the road to recovery but my near-miss panic attack today made me think otherwise. The doctor prescribed me with low dose diazepam just in case and I had no option but to take one. I also use cocodamol frequently to 'chill' me out, but it sometimes doesn't work (also is highly addictive). I'm feeling like I've taken ten steps back from where I thought I was with my recovery, and I'm heartbroken. I can't live my life like this anymore, it's wearing me thin.
However. I started getting anxious symptoms in Feb 2011, and this started as my awareness of my breathing, which then led to panic attacks. It was around this time that I started driving lessons and passed my test 8 weeks later. I also went on numerous car journeys with my ex, so it clearly wasn't an issue then. My thought patterns have increased, I never switch off. I rarely have actual panic attacks these days (I was inches away from one today but more about that later). I'm not on any continual medication for the symptoms. But I have one CBT session a week.
Here's the recurring problem: for me, any form of travelling is a huge deal now. I admit that I have allowed it to be more so over the past 5 months by avoiding the need to travel anywhere. What happens is, leading up to me having to use a bus, a taxi, a train or a car, I really wind myself up, going to the toilet many times to try and completely empty my bladder BECAUSE when I'm in a vehicle for any longer than 5/10 minutes, I freak out, my mind goes in to overdrive, I start getting the insane urge to pee, and then I worry that I'm going to wet myself, then the adrenaline surges my heart through my chest to my shoulders and arms. I sometimes can't breath properly.
Last weekend, I did a few experiments. I got on a train to a nearby place to do a bit of shopping - at my own pace, with noone else there. 2 days later, I rode 4 buses around my town and both of these experiments worked; I was fine. I also managed 2 car journeys without irrational thoughts. Sadly, this weekend was my turn to visit my girlfriend in London, and I'm really rubbish on the tubes. I have to count down the stops, and go via Kings Cross because I know where the toilet is there. I thought I'd made good progress, and was on the road to recovery but my near-miss panic attack today made me think otherwise. The doctor prescribed me with low dose diazepam just in case and I had no option but to take one. I also use cocodamol frequently to 'chill' me out, but it sometimes doesn't work (also is highly addictive). I'm feeling like I've taken ten steps back from where I thought I was with my recovery, and I'm heartbroken. I can't live my life like this anymore, it's wearing me thin.