if this is ridiculous please say so, ok?

[a-little-room-to-breathe]

Hey guys,
Right. I feel like a total complete idiot as I write this, and if it's ridiculous, just ignore it, ok?
I've been seeing a therapist since september 2004, for reasons other than panic and anxiety. I began having these things whilst in therapy, but I didn't mention it because I don't like talking to people. My therapy is a bit of a travesty because hardly anything I tell her is the truth. I don't know why I lie, I just can't help it, I do it with everyone else as well, I just can't handle people knowing about my emotions, so I lie, it's almost like a defence mechanism so that nobody finds out who I really am, or what I feel.
And now I'm coming close to being discharged. She knows about the panic attacks, but not about how bad they get, how hard it is for me to have a normal life. And I don't think she needs to know, otherwise I'll get more therapy and it won't do anything and I'll feel like there's something wrong with me again. But I've spoken to people, friends, and they say that I should tell her anyway, they think this is a serious problem (which I'm not sure it is). It's not that I dislike her, or that changing therapists would help; I just don't trust people, not since primary school.
What do you all think? Do I need to tell her, or somebody, how I feel about this?

Thanks guys,

Katie xxx

ps if this makes no sense please tell me, I'm kind of agitated as I write, so it's very possible this is all nonsense.

"If I can wipe from any human cheek, a tear,
Convince one man that hope and heaven are near,
Create more joy, more hope, less pain,
And though not one shall know my name nor drop a flower on my grave,
I shall not have lived in vain while here."

[tammyg]

Hi

I think maybe you should tell her eveything. I know it might be hard as I often lie about emotions and stuff as well. You have to remember though, she can't help you unless she knows the full story.

If, however, you think the therapy isn't working anyway you might want to reconsider your therapist or other options. If you have problems trusting people this should probably be the thing you deal with first or you will struggle to find terapy which suits you.

You could try some self-led stuff, some of the books on the reading list on the website will help you work on this.

Just my opinion of course but honesty is usually the best policy... as hard as it is!

I hope you make a decision that works for you. And yes, it makes perfect sense so don't worry. Like I said, I feel much the same and obviously it's easier to advise other people!

Tammy x

[RunsFromBugs]

Hi Katie,

I agree with Tammy that for therapy to really work you need to find someone you can be honest with. And although if the therapy isn't working, you should change therapists, keep in mind that it is hard for the therapist to find a proper treatment for you if you don't tell her what's going on. As hard as it is for you to be honest with others, you might find a certain amount of relief once you finally do talk face to face with someone. Is there anyone you can trust, even if they're not a professional, such as a family member or friend or even just a co-worker you admire? I don't know what happend to make you distrustful of others but you may be surprised at how nice and nonjudgemental people can be. Just look at this board, I know it's just online but you seem to be at least somewhat honest on here. Maybe you can start from there.

[Obsessive]

I really think you need to speak to your councellor about this, if you havent been telling the truth then the councelling wont work properly in the first place as they wont be able to get to the root of the problem, and if they cant get to the root of the problem how will you get it sorted!! You might not feel comfortable telling the truth as maybe you feel you cant trust her, in that case you need to go and find someone that you can trust. I often lie about how im feeling ect, and its got me nowhere and nearly ruined my relationship with my partner. You have to remember that these people are here to help you not criticise you (sorry for spelling) try to explain you havent been honest. x

"Why does life turn you upside down and inside out then back round again"