Hopefully a post worth readin for you!

[Smileygirl]

Ive been on theese forums countless ammounts of time. This is my first post on one and ive been a sufferer for longer than i care to remember. I wont bore you with the reasons behind my anxiety what i will state is that it is panic attacks and GAD i suffer from.

I have seen many counsellors been on medication etc all the usual and its still here. Infact its manifested itself into ALl areas of my life now. Im a student nurse who finds uni an absolute chore . I find my relationship a chore, i find happiness and positivity is something that from me requires great effort!! This is because anxiety is a habbit and im stuck in the cycle of negativity that its easier for me to be negative than positive! Life is like a black cloud just now i dont enjoy many things i havent had the chance to even realise wether i enjoy my course which i went through blood sweat and tears to get on becauses im blindsided by anxiety - my life is anxiety!

What i will say is that i have educated myself on my condition i fully understand how it works, i still get up every bloody morning put my make up on and go to uni wen every inch of my core is telling me not too because i panic- ive fought this to hell and back- i stil have it an noone can explain that!
Feeling asthough im running out of options the doctor has prescribed citalopram. Im also reading a book called a life at last which states to overcome anxiety you have to let it in and stop fuelling the fire by fighting.
I posted this to see if anyone can relate to my feeling? If anyone has found citalopram good? If anyone has found a way out?

My appreciation goes to anyone who reads this may you be well i wish you happiness.

[nomorepanic]

Hi Smileygirl

We just wanted to welcome you aboard to NMP. We hope you enjoy your stay here and get all the support and advice you need.

Please take some time to read the website articles on the left as well for loads of advice and tips.

[PanchoGoz]

ive fought this to hell and back

There might be your problem :)

I've not read the book you mention but it appears it will address this problem directly. What I would reccomend is "Self help for your nerves", Claire Weeks, I got a hardback copy on Amazon for 1p. She addresses acceptance and the fear-fight-fear cycle. You still fear your anxiety, which keeps it going. That book is the panicer's bible.
Oh and welcome! :welcome:

[Smileygirl]

Thankyou for replying to my post panchogoz :) im hearing everywhere alot of information just now suggesting that acceptance is the way forward. Unfortunatly i feel this is going to require alit of effort and commitment to my recovery that i cant give it. My nursing course consumes alot of my time and i cant take time out to focus on myself. Even though i feel its what i should be doing. Although i cant stress enough theese have been the darkest years of my life... I want all the normal things from life, hapiness a good career etc as everyone else... I will not let anxiety step in front of me ive worked to hard to take time out.

( i will get the book you suggested)

Are you on a road to recovery?

[potato11]

Hey smileygirl

I can relate to you in two ways - having a history of panic/GAD and being on a demanding Uni course (student midwife)

Several times i've considered packing it in due to the anxiety, however I'm pleased to say I didn't and as a result I now have just 12 weeks until I finish :D

Our courses are demanding even if you don't have anxiety!! lol.

My anxiety began at the beginning of 2nd year, suffered for about a year wondering what the hell it was, thinking I was dying etc, taking a good few days off Uni cos I couldn't stand the lectures, especially if they were talking about heart conditions etc!!

Then luckily I found this forum, and subsequently an online CBT programme called CBT4PANIC (check out the link in my signature) I hiighhly recommend it, because now thanks to the programme and it's creator Robin (robinhall is his username) I'm motoring along the road to recovery. Robin had panic disorder and agoraphobia himself for 5 years!

The trick is realising the cure is SIMPLE but it isn't EASY. You have a lot of negative 'memories' that your brain take as 'facts'. Just stick at it, when you're having a particularly tough day go over the programme or recommended books, to get those positive thoughts back on track

I also recommend the website link in my signature - a very good explanation of anxiety from another fully recovered member of NMP that once had panic disorder

I wish you lots of luck on your recovery and subsequent self-discovery!!

Feel free to message me anytime :) what year are you in?

[Pipkin]

Hi there and :welcome:!

I can certainly relate to elements of your post - I too have suffered from GAD for many years, have fought and never stopped fighting and carry on with my daily life. I suppose the main difference is that I remain positive and know that I'll get there one day.

Obviously, I don't have an answer to your problems (if I did, I'd patent it and be very rich). However, I believe the only way is to be as positive as you can. I know this condition can be a living hell, at my worst, it seems completely unbearable, but you must be determined to beat it. A few things that help me (although you've probably tried them already):

CBT can help you understand why you react as you do and learn to control it

Meds can give you relief and time out to get to the bottom of the issues

Exercise

Eat healthily

Plenty of liquids

Not too much alcohol and caffeine

I hope this site helps you. Please be an active member as there are lots of people who would be happy to support you, and your experiences could help others too.

Take care

Pip xx

[Smileygirl]

Thankyou pip and potato for replying to me it was really nice actually to here from people who relate to me often i feel asthough its my poor family or fiancee that get the burden of my thoughts.

Potato to you first...when i read that you were a student midwife and what you had said about panicking in your lectures my god it was like reading something i would have wrote. The lectures are an absolute nightmare for me and the placements are worse..whats a shame is that i know ill make a shit hot nurse but there have been many days as of late where ive thought what the hell am i doing?looking after sick people when i feel its me that needs the care does that make sense? im just at the end of my first year just now. As you know our attendance has to be top notch to remain on the course which does not help the pressure of my panic. Thankyou for your recommendations I have taken that on board...by the way i fully applaud you on making it to the end itl be an aboslute miricale if thats me one day.

Pip im so glad you can remain positive but isnt it funny how complicated we are in the mind....that you can remain positive yet anxiety is about negativity. I know that feeling i understand it but i cant beat it sometimes i feel im so close then i have a 'bad day' and it just sucks me right in asthough its owned me my whole life. I am a beliver that we shouldnt change our circumstances pip for anxiety however in weaker moments i have thought well maybe i should?lifes too short to battle.

Thankyou xxx

[potato11]

Smileygirl

haha yep we can definitely relate!! I have struggled in the past on placements too. Infact, my last placement was one of the hardest I've had, due to me getting a picky mentor that seemed to want to belittle me at any given opportunity! But I'm pleased to say I got through it, and my mentor on this placement is lovely and really encouraging, saying I'm making intelligent judgements, lovely manner with the patients etc - it's like they're talking about two different people! lol.

Myy personal tutor commented about my difficult placement, as I was placed on a learning contract (which I definitely did NOT warrant, but my mentor was so ridiculously picky that she found a way to put me on one, long story) students have complained about this mentor in the past, so my tutor said I'd done very well to stay motivated!

What you said about you feeling you will make a good nurse strikes a chord with me aswell. I believe I will make a good midwife (if i say so myself) I think perhaps sometimes, I have been TOO sympathetic and over-identified with women so that situations affected me more than they 'should have', in the sense I couldn't distance myself from them.

I guess it's just from practice that you learn to find a balance :)

Like I've said, definitely check out the links in my signature because both really helped me.

Along with the book "what to say when you talk to yourself" by Shad Helmsetter

and

videos by "Mooji" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-yMb3jKaYs&feature=related
(watch a few of his videos, you may find them strange or they may resonate with you)


Oh, and definitely try to keep on top of your Uni work, rushing to meet deadlines never does anyone any good - though it's very hypocritical of me to say that!

you CAN do it. Follow the cbt4panic programme. Robin is brilliant.

And message me any time :)