need some support

[alihud]

hi there all having a rotten day and am so cross with myself.I get terrible anxiety when my kids go to their dads,its been the same for the last ten years you would think i would have got used to it wouldnt you really?Infact its got worse.I just get massively lonely,i have no family nearby and both my parents have died,my mum a year and ahalf ago and things have got worse since then.I have quite severe fibromyaglia and i do my absoloute best to cope with it.Have lost loads of weight,exercise regularly. I do see a counsellor every two weeks but tbh its hasnt helped with this anxiety i feel when my kids go to their dads.I guess ive never gotten oveer the split,it was all so nasty,he had an affair when the kids were young and i was still recovering from severe post natal depression. He has now married the woman and they have a lovely life while im on my own still.Have never found another partner,i feel like im soiled goods really and no one is interested anyway. Sorry if that sounds really self pitying i hate myself for that too.I dont have many friends,i do have a close friend but she is even more ill than i am and im supporting her through a rough time at the mo. Ive just made the descision to back off from another so called friend as all she does is pick holes in me.:unsure:
I guess im just asking for help could do with some more friends,feeling lonely is really the pits,some people cope with it ok but i dont.I do have three sisters and a brother but i never hear from them but that hasnt been because i havent tried,i have but we all live so far apart.
I am trying to get back to work,i used to have my own florist shop but had to close it when i got ill.That was three years ago. i feel useless.
I am going out this aftyernoon just on my own to a garden centre but i know i will see loads of families and couples but i will still go.
Why cant i get rid of these feelings?Have read various self help books and am currently reading one called The Happiness Trap which is quite good as it shows you that you cant get rid of these feelings but you can stop struggling with them.It takes a while to learn and im a long way off of getting good at it.
Im so tired of struggling theres got to be more to life than this surely?

[eternally optimistic]

Hi Ali

Sorry to hear your day is not the best.

You sound like the last three years have been really tough for you and,
your separation alone is A LOT to deal with, let alone losing your mum.

Being lonely isnt nice and I guess when the kids go to their dads, it
is time to reflect for you and you become aware of your circumstances.

You enjoy the garden centre, I love going to a good old centre, it perks me up.

YOU ARE NOT USELESS JUST DEALING WITH THE TRAUMA THAT HAS COME YOUR WAY OVER THE LAST THREE YEARS.

YOU NEED TO SAY TO YOURSELF, "if a friend of mine had to cope with what I have, how would they do it" and, your expecting that for yourself.

Dont be harsh on yourself, things will come right in the end, it just takes time to readjust.

Is there anything you could join which would give you even more support than your currently have, this might help.

Enjoy the trip to the garden centre and keep smiling.

[alihud]

Thank you Jay Ann for your kind words.I drove to the garden centre but had a panic attack when i got there so i text my friend and ive been round hers all afternoon.Thank goodness ive got such a good friend who knows exactly what im going through.Im feeling panicky again now im back home but am going to try and watch the Queens concert and hope it passes.I may even go on the chat room if it doesnt go.Havent been there for a while.
I dont think i have the energy for any more support groups,they dont usually have anything at weekends which is when i really need it.I feel so pathetic for feeling this way when the kids go away how totally ridiculous,most parents cant wait for a rest,its just stupid really.I do hope it passes soon.

[grace17]

Hello Alihud I hope things go well for you. :). One friend is better
Than many as one can be more understanding I think lol. Don't be hard
On yourself your a very caring person and deserve to feel good :) xxx

[losin]

be nice to yourself - you're coping fantastically with illness, kids etc so don't hate yourself for feeling low at times like this.
is there anything you can do when the kids are gone, something you really like but wouldn't be able to do when they're around? any classes you could join or courses you could do? ou courses are really good for taking up your time and you'd be begging for some alone time to get your essays done without any distractions.
if you can see the time when they're away as a treat for yourself you're less likely to feel so down about them going to their dads. is there anything silly and self-indulgent your friend could do with you on those days? maybe have a dvd afternoon with tons of popcorn or something equally pointless and fun.
are you an animal lover? i know all animal sanctuary's are begging for helpers at the weekend to walk their dogs or help socialise the animals and you can never feel lonely when you're surrounded by furry friends and their unconditional love.

[alihud]

Im already doing some courses but i cant seem to keep my focus on them,i also have 4 dogs of my own and sometimes it helps and sometimes it doesnt bless them.Last weekend my friend stayed overnight and we had a takeaway and watched dvds and i was fine.Dont feel i can put on her every weekend the kids go away tho.I think today has been particularly bad because of the nightmare last night and i really havent felt at all well today which can often lead to panics.Thankfullyn i dont get these nightnmares too often and when i do im usually panicky the day after for whatever reason.
I would like to do an OU course but they are incredibly expensive now and im not sure my brain would cope anyway,with fibro ur brain turns to mush and concentrating can be hard sometimes.I find it so hard to commit to some things,i hope that doesnt sound defeatist,im being realistic.Mind you if they know you have a health problem i think they allow you longer to do the course.
Lets hope tomorrow is a better day.xxx

[losin]

i know what you mean about the concentration!
fingers crossed that things look better tomorrow. i hate it when you have a nightmare and the scared feeling lasts all the next day :mad: