Counselling clash of personalities?

[June83]

Ok I have just done my first session of 'counselling'. God that was honestly one of the worst experiences of my life! I had honestly no idea at all what was going on - what was supposed to be happening anything. The set up of the room is confusing to begin with two chairs so far apart you feel like you have to shout to get the 'counsellor' to hear you. What I expected though was some communication of sorts- some instructions/directions. What I was not expecting was the long silences, the unwavering utterly disinterested stare. Eventually I guessed I was supposed to be acting if I was just talking to myself and not the statue in the corner. I have never felt so uncomfortable in my life. On the odd occasion she decided to fill the increasingly lengthy silences was just to comment that I was fighting against her! How can I fighting against her? She gave me nothing to work with - no facial expressions just a blank stare. Twice I nearly got fed up during the silences and nearly walked out but I stayed for the full hour.

When you are just sitting there glaring at each other something is not right surely! Was she hopeing/expecting me to break during the silences -I was just sitting there getting more and more defensive - there was no way I was going to give her the satisfaction of breaking me! (Ok suppose I was fighting against her!) She was giving me nothing -no gestures of trust no reason to trust her with my deepest secrets!

Right now I just feel so confused! I told her stuff and got no response! No comments no suggestions!

Is this how it is supposed to happen? Am I supposed to just pretend I am in a empty room and just talk? Considering I had filled in a massive questionnaire in the weeks before the session I was expecting her to pick up things from that but I did not even get the impression she had read it!

I have to go back next week. Should I prepare a script so I can rehearse it for my hour long monologue! I have a feeling I have just been tested and failed it quite spectacularly! God I have not felt this bad since I started taking my antidepressants!

[purplesky]

It's difficult that counselling lark..! It can take a while to trust someone, so how any counsellor expects some of us to open our hearts and pour everything out to a stranger beats me..it really does. :wacko:

I suppose I would give it a few sessions to see how it goes, but then look for another one if it doesn't work out.

Because the first time can be strange and tense, its worth giving them a while, but if its not working its not working. That happens, just as in any human interaction I guess.

[socij]

That doesn't sound normal to me. I've been to a few therapists and they are normally kind, friendly and there to help you. I know what you mean about the questionnaire thing. I've have to fill so many forms out and have been interviewed at least 6 times by the same people, all the same questions. You'd think they would keep it somewhere? Also I tend to act like a little kid when I'm uncomfortable but I am 18 and smart, I wish they would stop talking slowly to be and stating the obvious all the time -.-;;

The therapist I have now gives so much direction I sometimes can't get a word in edge wise about whats bothering me or what I've figured out about myself so far. -.-;;;

It's not perfect, but at least we're getting some kind of help, right?

[June83]

Hmm thanks for replying. It is strange as this is not one to one therapy -this is just the first of three assessment sessions before I get to start the real therapy which is apparently only group therapy. It is through the NHS. I am worried I will fail these assessments some how and not get to the 'real' therapy! If I had been paying the £50 plus that my local psychotherapists charge I think I would be feeling even more cheated then I do now!

[PanchoGoz]

I would see if you can change councillor, you don't want to have a constant "friday afternoon" person.

[purplesky]

It is strange as this is not one to one therapy -this is just the first of three assessment sessions before I get to start the real therapy which is apparently only group therapy. It is through the NHS.

It's tough to know what to do in that case. My slightly cynical mind says they are trying to 'screen' people so as to have less numbers and save money. I've had similiar and gave up to pay privately in the end, but doctor wants me to go back through the NHS for CBT...arrggh. :doh:

It depends on what the treatment is for and if group therapy is good for thatI suppose. Its worth sticking it out and trying to get there if you can..difficult I know.

If you can afford to pay privately, you won't get that assessment/screening process then, but obviously its still difficult to know if someone is decent, then it comes down to research and recommendation I suppose. There is no exact science and trial and error comes into it, but this is a good place to get advice and hopefully answers. :)

[star2sparkle]

Well, I'm going to be more direct...I'd tell her where to stick it personally. She sounds utter crap! A counsellor does need for you to trust them and she sounds as cold as ice and like some kind of staring robot. What you should do next time is tell her what you think of her; take the bull by the horns. I know this sounds a bit like cut your nose off to spite your face but I would seriously return to your doc and tell him that she's crap too. I've done that before when I felt I couldn't trust a therapist but admittedly am trying the private route now. Don't give up, just don't put up with her. She is meant to put you at your ease not help to make you feel even more uncomfortable. Imagine her poor husband! :D

[thetube82]

Personally i think you should have asked the 'counsellor' what they thought of the session, i.e. what was going on and what the approach is they are doing, think you might find a better answer there rather than ask folk on here what they thought.

just a thought though,

thetube82

[Gman28]

Hi June,
That really does sound like an awful session, personally I have been having private counciling since about march time and my councillor has been nothing short of amazing. From the moment go, she has been kind, understanding and sympathetic. I class her more as friend then my councillor. I think there is definitely is a personality clash there, you need to feel that you can tell this person anything and it isn't a struggle to do so. My recommendation....find another councillor, a one that makes you totally comfortable.

[crazy_cat]

Wow, that sounds awful, I had one who was bad, but not that bad. I rang the head office type place and requested a Change of therapist, however it does put you back a bit on the wait list, although not right back to the beginning, don't stick with someone like that tho, will only be detrimental to you xx

[kirsty74]

There are different types of counselling and some are 'distant' as in the counsellor listens but doesn't interact much. I hate that, I want someone who will respond to me, ask questions, give me their observations etc. You are allowed to change your therapist.

Hope you find someone you can connect a bit more to. Like someone else said, you can't be open & honest about everything if you feel uncomfortable. Good luck x

[I'mjustme:)]

It sounds very psychodynamic/analytic style counselling with the long silences and interpretations of resistance. There are two reasons why they have some sessions before one to lower you into the group if they have decided already u r suitable for the group or that they are assessing you're suitable for the group I.e. That you are likely not to drop out or benefit from the style of the group.

[electrical_stormgirl]

That doesn't sound good. I've had two different counsellors and both were a bit distant but friendly and supportive. Your session sounds a bit confusing. Hope it improves or you can find someone better x