W.I.F.T.S.
12-07-06, 12:09
Times when I was happy:
1. Being in London and in love with my first girlfriend
2. Playing in a football tournament when I was a kid and knowing that I was playing REALLY well
3. Meeting Uni friends when a new job was going really well
4. My dad coaching me to win a county high-jump trial
5. being part of a tv crew in Ibiza
6. Feeling part of things when I went to watch Oasis in their prime
Times when I was confident:
1. Winning the Victor Ludorum (best sportsman) at school
2. When people were congratulating me for playing drums in a Uni band
3. When I felt free to drive all over the country and even to Amsterdam
When I felt happy, more often than not I felt accepted, I felt a part of something. Having my first girlfriend (at the age of 22) meant walls came crashing down for me, I felt accepted and so, I didn't feel as defensive. If one image sums up happiness for me it is walking around Primrose Hill, with the biggest, daftest grin on my face with my then-girlfriend. It was probably because I felt like I'd reached what I'd been striving for and so I felt like I could allow myself to relax and soak up the experience.
I guess most of my life I have been unhappy because I have felt like I need to reach my goal to be happy. My first goal after leaving Uni was to get a job as a tv researcher and to live in quite a trendy place with an attractive girlfriend and have lots of mates around. To a degree, I achieved that, although I didn't establish myself as a researcher and my girlfriend was regularly unfaithful.
I suppose in my image I'm in control of my own life and I feel like I have my own power, whereas in reality I feel passive and very low in life's pecking order.
Probably the people that I was trying to emulate come from well off families, where there family buy them a place to live and a car and they work in tv as a hobby, not because they need the money- something that I have no real chance of attaining.
I'm trying to formulate in my mind the image of the sort of life that i want to attain and I am coming up with something more realistic. Probably an ex-council house or shared ownership property, but done up really nice, hopefully working as a football coach and continuing my volunteering work. Meeting lots of new people all the time and developing friendships. Lots of opportunity for travel both with my job and my voluntary work. Taking courses and learning all the time, feeling like I'm growing and becoming stronger all the time. Feeling attractive (not necessarily physically) and popular.
One of the things that I enjoyed about working in tv is that it took me to the Isle of Skye, Ibiza, Amsterdam, I met Richard Branson....the excitement, variety and opportunities were great. I'm excited that my volunteering and (hopefully) future employment can do the same....we're thinking of taking our football team to a tournament in either ibiza or Amsterdam.....
How wierd!! just had a phone call offering me a load of free tickets to the women's football charity shield....an opportunity to do something new and interesting!!
Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.
1. Being in London and in love with my first girlfriend
2. Playing in a football tournament when I was a kid and knowing that I was playing REALLY well
3. Meeting Uni friends when a new job was going really well
4. My dad coaching me to win a county high-jump trial
5. being part of a tv crew in Ibiza
6. Feeling part of things when I went to watch Oasis in their prime
Times when I was confident:
1. Winning the Victor Ludorum (best sportsman) at school
2. When people were congratulating me for playing drums in a Uni band
3. When I felt free to drive all over the country and even to Amsterdam
When I felt happy, more often than not I felt accepted, I felt a part of something. Having my first girlfriend (at the age of 22) meant walls came crashing down for me, I felt accepted and so, I didn't feel as defensive. If one image sums up happiness for me it is walking around Primrose Hill, with the biggest, daftest grin on my face with my then-girlfriend. It was probably because I felt like I'd reached what I'd been striving for and so I felt like I could allow myself to relax and soak up the experience.
I guess most of my life I have been unhappy because I have felt like I need to reach my goal to be happy. My first goal after leaving Uni was to get a job as a tv researcher and to live in quite a trendy place with an attractive girlfriend and have lots of mates around. To a degree, I achieved that, although I didn't establish myself as a researcher and my girlfriend was regularly unfaithful.
I suppose in my image I'm in control of my own life and I feel like I have my own power, whereas in reality I feel passive and very low in life's pecking order.
Probably the people that I was trying to emulate come from well off families, where there family buy them a place to live and a car and they work in tv as a hobby, not because they need the money- something that I have no real chance of attaining.
I'm trying to formulate in my mind the image of the sort of life that i want to attain and I am coming up with something more realistic. Probably an ex-council house or shared ownership property, but done up really nice, hopefully working as a football coach and continuing my volunteering work. Meeting lots of new people all the time and developing friendships. Lots of opportunity for travel both with my job and my voluntary work. Taking courses and learning all the time, feeling like I'm growing and becoming stronger all the time. Feeling attractive (not necessarily physically) and popular.
One of the things that I enjoyed about working in tv is that it took me to the Isle of Skye, Ibiza, Amsterdam, I met Richard Branson....the excitement, variety and opportunities were great. I'm excited that my volunteering and (hopefully) future employment can do the same....we're thinking of taking our football team to a tournament in either ibiza or Amsterdam.....
How wierd!! just had a phone call offering me a load of free tickets to the women's football charity shield....an opportunity to do something new and interesting!!
Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.