Alamie
08-06-12, 11:31
hope this is ok i would like to keep a day to day journal and write down how i'm feeling and what is going on. i am just going to copy and paste my post from another thread for the main bulk as my brain is too tired to re-write.
heya guys i am new here
i'm 20 yrs old and 6 months pregnant. i have suffered anxiety and depression from being around 11 yr old. i am also a hypochondriac.
basically i have hyperemisis gravidarum (which is extreme morning sickness so bad you throw up many times through day and night every day) i was being sick for 2 months straight all day every day and ended up in an out of hospital on iv drip for dehydration. i WAS on 150mg sertraline up until i started being sick and then ofc had to go cold turkey as i couldn't even keep down water let alone pills. i never noticed any of the effects (though i probably did lol i was just so ill throwing up that i didn't notice!) my anxiety was for some reason (?) no existant after coming off the tablets and being sick. i say non existant i had panic attacks quite often when i had to go to hospital etc but those were normal for me and i could deal with them and they would dissapear and i'd be ok til i had my next one. anyway i was put on odonsatron which is an anti sickness tablet and stopped being sick. i tried taking my sertraline on two different occasions since not being sick and the next day woke up and vomitted each time. so i let it go and got on with stuff not really noticing anxiety or depression and just having the odd usual panic attack at random times about random diseases (my main anxiety trigger)
then around 2 weeks ago i felt very sick and dizzy which led to a panic attack as i fear fainting so i lay down and went to sleep. now normally i'd wake up feeling okay and not panic stricken but for some reason the anxiety had not dissapeared and it was the first time i'd experienced full blown anxiety over a period of days. it lasted 5 days. i could not eat a thing and i was throwing up as i suspect i also had a bug for the first two days. i then stopped throwing up but still could not eat. my anxiety was terrible it was the weekend and i needed some body to give me something so i kept wanting to go to a and e but someone kept bringing up social services and my baby if i get involved with the crisis team so ofc that made my anxiety worse. so on monday i made an emergancy doctors appointment (well my mam did as i was that anxious i didnt even want to leave my bloody bed..) and i went in to find out i was once again severely dehydrated so at the height of my anxiety was told i needed to go into hospital to be put on fluids lol i wanted to shrivel up seriously. i told the doc about what had been happening etc she rang up the hospital to let them know my state of anxiety and they got me to see a psychiatrist on that day. he gave me propanalol to go home with as i stressed to him i was not able to take a medication which would make me feel stoned as that makes me panic more. he did try and push for that though. i said no. i knew i'd be worse if i took something spacey. i went home with propanalol which worked after a few days. it didn't work 100 percent but did definitely take the edge off. the anxiety brought on my depression and the propanaolol did not take that away obviously since it isn't for depression so that was still there plus a little bit of anxiety still. on the days where it wasn't working though i'd panic'd more thinking it wouldn't work and rang up the hospital who told me i should go back on my sertraline and come off propanalol (UGH) i had a doctors appointment for today so i thought i'll wait until wednesday (day before docs app) and take tablet to see how i go plus thinking i'd feel less anxious.
so i took my tablet last night (50mg)(after ages of being really worried to take it) as 1 i know how sick it has made me the past 2 times in pregnancy and 2 all of the horrible start up side effects i've read about people having. (i started taking this med years ago and i can't remember start up affects then so was ignorant to them) and i woke up this morning felt very sickly and nervous. i felt spacey and like i was not in my own body and i started to freak out a little bit. i got dressed for doctors and off i went. i got into doctors surgery and had a massive panic on and had to wait outside and get my mam to come get me when doctor called my name. my anxiety had shot up through the roof and beyond and i felt ill. when i got into the doctors office i was crying and hysterical and i couldn't even explain to him what was going on as i was getting that paranoid i thought i couldn't speak and started to panic thinking i was going insane and that i couldn't talk or hold my own head up etc. then i threw up and had to run to the toilet with terrible diareah and throwing up at the same time. he told me to basically perservere and it was the anxiety making me throw up not the tablet. FFS IT IS THE TABLET WHICH MAKES ME THROW UP. but i am too scared to continue taking the tablet as i feel fear in my gut constantly. i've never experienced something so terrifying. i have feelings of doom and worry over nothing. i fear going insane and feel like i am not here cos of this tablet :( idk what to do guys.. i think i may just stop this tonight cos i can't keep vomitting like this plus i'm bloody pregnant and it isn't healthy to be throwing up this much AGAIN. idk what to do feel so lost
i made this post yesterday
---------- Post added at 11:31 ---------- Previous post was at 11:28 ----------
so i did not take my other sertraline last night and woke up this morning at 4am feeling really sick still and anxious forced myself back to sleep and woke up again at around 8am and thrown up twice since. i feel terrible today. really nervous and sad. i feel like i can't cope with this any longer..how can i? i feel i will go insane i am terrified of going insane. i am constantly on edge and dread the day ahead. i woke up with total dread in my stomach at facing the day. i feel so down. i want some pills which are going to help me asap. but as i'm pregnant idk what other options i may have.
i am seeing a peri natal team in around 2 weeks about this but it seems so long to wait. i feel hopeless and idk how much longer i can go on like this..
heya guys i am new here
i'm 20 yrs old and 6 months pregnant. i have suffered anxiety and depression from being around 11 yr old. i am also a hypochondriac.
basically i have hyperemisis gravidarum (which is extreme morning sickness so bad you throw up many times through day and night every day) i was being sick for 2 months straight all day every day and ended up in an out of hospital on iv drip for dehydration. i WAS on 150mg sertraline up until i started being sick and then ofc had to go cold turkey as i couldn't even keep down water let alone pills. i never noticed any of the effects (though i probably did lol i was just so ill throwing up that i didn't notice!) my anxiety was for some reason (?) no existant after coming off the tablets and being sick. i say non existant i had panic attacks quite often when i had to go to hospital etc but those were normal for me and i could deal with them and they would dissapear and i'd be ok til i had my next one. anyway i was put on odonsatron which is an anti sickness tablet and stopped being sick. i tried taking my sertraline on two different occasions since not being sick and the next day woke up and vomitted each time. so i let it go and got on with stuff not really noticing anxiety or depression and just having the odd usual panic attack at random times about random diseases (my main anxiety trigger)
then around 2 weeks ago i felt very sick and dizzy which led to a panic attack as i fear fainting so i lay down and went to sleep. now normally i'd wake up feeling okay and not panic stricken but for some reason the anxiety had not dissapeared and it was the first time i'd experienced full blown anxiety over a period of days. it lasted 5 days. i could not eat a thing and i was throwing up as i suspect i also had a bug for the first two days. i then stopped throwing up but still could not eat. my anxiety was terrible it was the weekend and i needed some body to give me something so i kept wanting to go to a and e but someone kept bringing up social services and my baby if i get involved with the crisis team so ofc that made my anxiety worse. so on monday i made an emergancy doctors appointment (well my mam did as i was that anxious i didnt even want to leave my bloody bed..) and i went in to find out i was once again severely dehydrated so at the height of my anxiety was told i needed to go into hospital to be put on fluids lol i wanted to shrivel up seriously. i told the doc about what had been happening etc she rang up the hospital to let them know my state of anxiety and they got me to see a psychiatrist on that day. he gave me propanalol to go home with as i stressed to him i was not able to take a medication which would make me feel stoned as that makes me panic more. he did try and push for that though. i said no. i knew i'd be worse if i took something spacey. i went home with propanalol which worked after a few days. it didn't work 100 percent but did definitely take the edge off. the anxiety brought on my depression and the propanaolol did not take that away obviously since it isn't for depression so that was still there plus a little bit of anxiety still. on the days where it wasn't working though i'd panic'd more thinking it wouldn't work and rang up the hospital who told me i should go back on my sertraline and come off propanalol (UGH) i had a doctors appointment for today so i thought i'll wait until wednesday (day before docs app) and take tablet to see how i go plus thinking i'd feel less anxious.
so i took my tablet last night (50mg)(after ages of being really worried to take it) as 1 i know how sick it has made me the past 2 times in pregnancy and 2 all of the horrible start up side effects i've read about people having. (i started taking this med years ago and i can't remember start up affects then so was ignorant to them) and i woke up this morning felt very sickly and nervous. i felt spacey and like i was not in my own body and i started to freak out a little bit. i got dressed for doctors and off i went. i got into doctors surgery and had a massive panic on and had to wait outside and get my mam to come get me when doctor called my name. my anxiety had shot up through the roof and beyond and i felt ill. when i got into the doctors office i was crying and hysterical and i couldn't even explain to him what was going on as i was getting that paranoid i thought i couldn't speak and started to panic thinking i was going insane and that i couldn't talk or hold my own head up etc. then i threw up and had to run to the toilet with terrible diareah and throwing up at the same time. he told me to basically perservere and it was the anxiety making me throw up not the tablet. FFS IT IS THE TABLET WHICH MAKES ME THROW UP. but i am too scared to continue taking the tablet as i feel fear in my gut constantly. i've never experienced something so terrifying. i have feelings of doom and worry over nothing. i fear going insane and feel like i am not here cos of this tablet :( idk what to do guys.. i think i may just stop this tonight cos i can't keep vomitting like this plus i'm bloody pregnant and it isn't healthy to be throwing up this much AGAIN. idk what to do feel so lost
i made this post yesterday
---------- Post added at 11:31 ---------- Previous post was at 11:28 ----------
so i did not take my other sertraline last night and woke up this morning at 4am feeling really sick still and anxious forced myself back to sleep and woke up again at around 8am and thrown up twice since. i feel terrible today. really nervous and sad. i feel like i can't cope with this any longer..how can i? i feel i will go insane i am terrified of going insane. i am constantly on edge and dread the day ahead. i woke up with total dread in my stomach at facing the day. i feel so down. i want some pills which are going to help me asap. but as i'm pregnant idk what other options i may have.
i am seeing a peri natal team in around 2 weeks about this but it seems so long to wait. i feel hopeless and idk how much longer i can go on like this..