really confused! what is really going on?

[heavythinker]

good morning all
i went to see my doctor in oct 2011 complaing of low mood and anxiety attacks and after a having a good talk with him he prescribed 20mg of citalopram. this is my second episode and citalopram worked perfectly well last time as i managed to get back to full health within 18 months

over the past few months my low mood has worsened and im still suffering anxiety attacks and now i am suffering qiute badly with imsomnia regularly not sleeping past 4am most mornings, this had lead to me feeling exhausted most of the day, i went back to my doctor who upped my dosage to 40mg a day, my mood started to lift ever so slightly but my sleep didnt improve then 3 weeks ago an aquaintance of mine passed away suddenly and then i was involved in a nasty car crash where a drunk driver smashed into me at 50mph thankfully i wasnt injured
through all of this i have managed to work full time an maintain an unblemished time keeping and attendance record, 2 days after the car crash i was involved in an incident with a manager at work over a project deadline, he spent all day harrassing me with unreasonable requests and when i finally stood my ground not in an aggresive or abusive way i was reported to the directors, to cut a long stoy short i have been issued with a written warning a massive kick in the teeth after a 9year unblemished record, after recieving the warning letter i drove home in flood of tears to say im devastated is a massive understatement.
i have literally had 1 panic attack after another since the incident and so went back to the doctors
i couldnt see my regular doctor so i saw a locum, he was so hard to talk to to and didnt seem to want to listen and made light of the symptoms i left the surgery feeling so pathetic and helpless
i now feel so vulnerable at work, a place i once loved being
if as the doctor says im not depressed why the hell am i on 40mg of anti depressants a day
the light at the end of the tunnel maybe there but it feels one hell of a long way away
thanks for reading

[purplesky]

Sounds like you've had a bit of rubbish time. I just wish that the system was more geared up to helping people in clear distress. I feel really sorry that you were treated like that, not that its my place to feel sorry, but I think many will relate to your situation.

Some doctors are great, some are ok, and some are clearly awful when it comes to mental ill health.

I hope you get a chance to speak to your regular doctor and put this awful locum experience behind you.

It makes me so sad and frustrated. Everyone should be given a good level of treatment when they are clearly very distressed and in need of support and help. From what I read people are being failed too often by the health service when it comes to mental health. I can add my own anecdotes to that as well, and those of people I know. This has to change, and I am hopeful that it will over the coming years/decades.

All the best to you. :)

[heavythinker]

thank you purplesky:)
i hated the fact that he made me feel like a fake, doesnt help that people at work dont understand either

[skinnypete]

One thing i can add to your post is the fact you have a 9 year unblemished record. That is something to be very proud of. Maybe your manager is also going through some crap at home or work but it is no reason for him to be an idiot. Skinny pete

[heavythinker]

thanks mate
yes 9 years unblemished record but no acknowledgement of what ive been going through the last 9 months, not one ounce of compassion from the company, they have been quite happy for me to show 100% commitment to the company sometimes to the detriment of my well being but they failed me when ive needed a bit of support, the manager who reported ne isnt a sufferer he's just an egomaniac