Jules31
24-05-04, 14:28
Or at least I think this is what it was.
Yesterday I was sitting in the garden after having been out for lunch when I realised that something wasn't quite right. I couldn't put my finger on what it was. I was fidgety and it wasn't because I was dwelling for a change on how bad I felt. Then it hit me like a brick wall. I was bored. I know this might not sound like much but for me it was something major. I can't remember when I last felt like this. To be meant that I must have wanted to do something else, which meant I wasn't being apathetic and too worried to do anything cos of the way I felt. So Dave and I went for a drive, parked the car up and then went for a walk, fed the ducks and sat watching water for while and I enjoyed it. I didn't even let the headache I had spoil things. We even called in a pub on the way back for a quick drink. I did get a little down because it was one that I remember my Dad had taken me to once, but that wasn't too bad either.
When I got home, I was restless for a while. I don't know for sure what it was but the only way I could describe it was that I felt like something was missing from my life. After much contemplation I still don't know what it was. The only thing I can think of is that it was my joy of life. I'm not sure if that makes sense. I'm still working on it myself. I guess what I'm trying to say is that instead of just thinking I was missing out on life because of my anxiety, but feeling too crappy to do anything about it, I suddenly remembered what I was missing and had an urge to do something about it. Though I still don't really know what. I can't put my finger on it. I just feel different.
I know I'm rambling but does this make sense to anyone? Any ideas on what was happening with me. I still feel like it a bit today and have even managed to go out with a colleague for a coffee at lunch without having a major wobble.
Whatever it is I hope it lasts.
Jules
Yesterday I was sitting in the garden after having been out for lunch when I realised that something wasn't quite right. I couldn't put my finger on what it was. I was fidgety and it wasn't because I was dwelling for a change on how bad I felt. Then it hit me like a brick wall. I was bored. I know this might not sound like much but for me it was something major. I can't remember when I last felt like this. To be meant that I must have wanted to do something else, which meant I wasn't being apathetic and too worried to do anything cos of the way I felt. So Dave and I went for a drive, parked the car up and then went for a walk, fed the ducks and sat watching water for while and I enjoyed it. I didn't even let the headache I had spoil things. We even called in a pub on the way back for a quick drink. I did get a little down because it was one that I remember my Dad had taken me to once, but that wasn't too bad either.
When I got home, I was restless for a while. I don't know for sure what it was but the only way I could describe it was that I felt like something was missing from my life. After much contemplation I still don't know what it was. The only thing I can think of is that it was my joy of life. I'm not sure if that makes sense. I'm still working on it myself. I guess what I'm trying to say is that instead of just thinking I was missing out on life because of my anxiety, but feeling too crappy to do anything about it, I suddenly remembered what I was missing and had an urge to do something about it. Though I still don't really know what. I can't put my finger on it. I just feel different.
I know I'm rambling but does this make sense to anyone? Any ideas on what was happening with me. I still feel like it a bit today and have even managed to go out with a colleague for a coffee at lunch without having a major wobble.
Whatever it is I hope it lasts.
Jules