Alone, need desperately help

[elili]

Hi
I'm a 28 years old girl, came to the UK in October last year to start my PhD in Materials Chemistry. At the beginning it was brilliant, then I started to feel I wasn't doing enough progress, that I was not understanding the topic and I began to experience a very ugly spiral of lack of confidence, extreme anxiety depression. I'm not doing ok, I feel like my brain is not working, I feel stupid, I'm slow, extremely stressed almost always.
I have become very antisocial, because I feel I don't fit in my group, I feel like I'm the only stupid, everyone seems so smart.
No one here knows about my situation, I feel completely alone.

I started to see the councelor at the college but she hasn't been very helpful. I'm doing skype with my therapist back home and she recommended taking fluoxetine. I'm on day four but it is destroying my stomach, the side effects started right away. I don't know if I will be able to keep with this.

I feel hopeless, I'm so afraid of never being the same smiling and happy girl I used to be... and the PhD is so overwhelming.

Anyone knows this situation?? Please help, I'm really feeling miserable

[nomorepanic]

Hi elili

We just wanted to welcome you aboard to NMP. We hope you enjoy your stay here and get all the support and advice you need.

Please take some time to read the website articles on the left as well for loads of advice and tips.

[purplesky]

Hi there, and welcome :)

Firstly I would say any medication of the type you are taking (antidepressant) can take 2-4 weeks to start working. Sometimes a bit longer than that.

Secondly, if you are suffering with your stomach after taking Fluoxetine, I would go back to your doctor who should be able to prescribe something to alleviate this. For what its worth, I know someone who had stomach dyspepsia (indigestion) through taking the same medication.

Keep talking to your therapist as well, and maybe you can get some more local help through the doctor. Most have access to counselling services, but more than likely you will need to ask for this. If you are not feeling confident with this, you could take a trusted friend along with you for moral support.

I hope things work out. :)

[elili]

Purplesky
Thank you very much for your tips. I really want to get better and be the normal friendly and smiling girl I used to be. Unfortunately I don't know if I can do that AND the PhD. At this point I think my mental health is way more important though.

[eight days a week]

Hey Elli :smile:

It sounds like your troubles began, perhaps, when you first started to doubt your own abilities. You were flying high before that! As you've written, it was a huge spiral after that big knock to your confidence, and things have spiralled since then.

I'm so sorry to hear that, but I read nothing whatsoever in your post that sounds like it's an actual dip in intellectual ability. And how could it be?

You've had a normal (although very unpleasant) spiral of your anxiety and self-doubt, which has led to you isolating yourself, and feeling worse as a result. I think that's all completely understandable, and it's easy to say 'start trying to be more social, stop hiding away from things, and get your life back on track' but is actually very hard to do, so I really feel for you :hugs:

That is, though, ideally what you need to do, step-by-step, to feel better about yourself. If you can't right now (also completely understandable!) then continue talking to your therapists and work this out - you can! I know a number of doctors/Phd students and one thing I can say for absolute certain is that there is no way in the world they would have accepted you in the first place if you were not good enough because they are judged by the quality of the candidates they accept, and the number who are successful!!

You are absolutely good enough, but I know it doesn't feel like that right now. How to help? I hope I can. I'll check back in on this thread when I can.

Keep your chin up please, you can ABSOLUTELY do this with the right support - I am 100% about that!! :hugs:

---------- Post added at 21:48 ---------- Previous post was at 21:47 ----------

[FroggyPrince]

Hi Elili,

I kind of understand a little of your situation as I studied for 2 degrees whilst battling anxiety and I know how tough it can be, but you can get through this. You'll get lots of help from this site, don't be afraid to ask.

Paul :)

[elili]

Hi guys
Thank you so much for your support. I'm feeling so much better now! the week has been so good so far! I'm on day 7 of fluoxetine, still having some side effects, but my mood is so much better!!

Now i just have to learn to relax, I'm still feeling anxiety all time :s
Anyone has suggestions... the breathing thing works too weakly

I really appreciate all your good wishes, hope you are doing ok too :)

[freshy666]

Hi Elili,

I can relate to the school issue, although only at the Master degree level :-) I was so excited about my programme in the first semester, but this semester my interest has waned and now I have all these projects to do that I don't feel passionate about. Plus, I have had a return of (at times) crippling anxiety, made worse by the fact that I feel that I am behind with all this school work that I don't really care about!!!
And then there are all the thoughts, like you said, about not being good enough and also of not feeling like you fit in with the rest of the group (although I am lucky and made one great friend in our group). I also stress about what to do (drop out or finish), which adds to all the anxiety!!
But I'm glad to hear you are feeling better :-) Let me know what you come up with for relaxing, cause I could surely use some tipps!!!
Best,
April

[Kateykat]

Hiya sweetheart..... firstly ((((hugs)))), also if your stomach is sore from the meds, ask your GP for Omaprazole - it is a stomach lining medication that can help you! Good luck and well done for sticking with your PHD..... you are not stupid at all, you are going through a rough patch due to a lot of stress, but we are all here behind you x

[elili]

Hi guys
Thank you so much for your posts. Kateykat thanks for your hugs. I really wish someone give me a real hug :(
I'm on day 12 fluoxetine and yesterday was quite terrible. I went to british museum with a friend but we waited too much to eat. I was really starving when we decided to look for something. I don't know if it was because of this or food poisoning but right after finishing I starte to feel dizzy my hands wet, nausea sensations :s
It went away after dinner but I'm feeling it again now. I don't know if it is too much acidity in my stomach or that truely something was wrong with the food I ate yesterday (it was smoked salmon pancake...) although it doesn't seem like my stomach is doing so bad... I think is something related to prozac. :(
I just want to feel good :(

[nicolamitchley]

The last time I went on fluoxetine I was a complete mess for a good 6 weeks. I mean I couldnt even leave the house. So you are doing really well getting out and about. Keep with it and it will get better. Once they are in your system they really do work xxx

[oneofus]

Hi
I'm a 28 years old girl, came to the UK in October last year to start my PhD in Materials Chemistry. At the beginning it was brilliant, then I started to feel I wasn't doing enough progress, that I was not understanding the topic and I began to experience a very ugly spiral of lack of confidence, extreme anxiety depression....

Anyone knows this situation?? Please help, I'm really feeling miserable

Hi,

Just read your thread so thought I'd throw my 2p worth in. See your medication is working well which is great. I did my PhD over about seven years whilst working, so I know it can be hard work especially at the start to get the ball rolling so to speak.

A surprising number of highly capable PhDs have suffered similarly, including Kay Jamison who is now one the leading authorities on depression. Read her book An Unquiet Mind it may help to put things in perspective and in my view preferable to a tome on Materials Chemistry, though I was a Computer Science student myself so I'm biased against real science :-)

Good luck, and keep in touch.

one of us

[elili]

Thank you guys for your support!
It's been difficult but I really want to get better. Will keep on fighting.
Hugs to everyone!!

:)

[suzeelew]

Hi elili.. hope u r feeling better. I was doing degree but really struggled with anxiety plus lots of personal probe. My dad passed away, split with kids dad, kids devastated, health probs etc etc..took me near 5 years struggling thru to do 2 years of degree. Had to stop then and still have final year to do which I doubt I will....sending u hugs an dlots of understanding and saying ut you first as if u don't feel good mentally then don't struggle thru xx

[elili]

Hiya all
Thank you for all your support. I'm feeling so much better now. It is so nice to feel good. I´m on day 28 and definitely fluoxetine is working. I took a one week holiday and my anxiety also decreased a lot. I'm finally seeing a light in my way. I thank everyone who helped me here. I thank God to hear all my prayers.
I wish everyone could feel like I've been feeling for the past weak.
Keep on fighting guys! feeling good deserves it, do it for you!!

Hugs to all with all my love <3:bighug1:

[isthisasgdasitgets]

Hi and welcome :).
I just wanted to say I understand how your feeling, my anxiety started whilst I was doing my degree. To say it was horrible and tough is an understatement and I felt so isolated from my friends as i wasn't the happy fun loving person I used to be. Somehow, i found the strength to get through it and from your last post I am sure you will too. As the saying goes what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. :D