Just separated from my wife , advice please

[gregcool]

Hi all
Me and my wife have just separated after 14 years of marriage .
I'm currently staying at a friends brothers house for a couple of weeks untill I can sort out a rental property .
My question is , iv suffered with anxiety on and off for a few years now, but over the last couple of days I have felt strong and positive about my new future , I have suffered with insomnia for a year now quite bad that EVERY night I wake up about 2-3 am and REALY struggle to fall back to sleep. So I'm REALY run down . Over the last couple of days I have felt this kind of awareness of my self and my every thaught and thing I do. It's like I know what I'm going to do before I do it, like I'm one step ahead of my thoughts , and it's REALY horrid , I feel like I'm watching and following myself around .as if there is two of me . On a norm day I would get to the end of my day and not even realize where the day has gone , but at the moment I'm clock watching, avoiding being in a room with silence because it's as if I'm watching Me move around , this is very breef to give you a picture , please advice what's oing on.
My wife and I split very amacaly and are good friends, I have spent 14 years with her , but have had lots of time and days on my own and not had this very strange awareness before.
Thanks for any advice I lay need some

[Veronica H]

Hi Greg
Sounds as though you are experiencing some Derealisation, where you feel outside of yourself. Your nerves have become sensitised to the point that your body is giving you a break from them by removing you from the situation. This will not harm you, so if you can accept it until things settle down and try not to add fear to it or give it too much weight, then this will pass.
It is good news that your split is amicable, but even so, a change such as this is a major event hun. So hang in there for now. I am sure you will feel better once you move into your own space.:bighug1:Vx

[saintanselm]

Hey Greg,

I agree with Veronica re the Derealisation. Its a horrible feeling, especially if you are not aware of it. I find it hits me hardest when I'm too tired, not eating well or drinking too much coffee or alcohol. Getting on the internet and going to forums like this have also helped me feel that I'm not alone. I don't if any of this will help you but they have, at times, worked for me.

[RLR]

Okay, the pattern being described is a very common description of the influence by situational anxiety. The type of insomnia being experienced is a form known as terminal insomnia, simply meaning that the sleep cycle is interrupted, or terminated, earlier than normal. The best method for dealing with it is not to try and force sleep to occur but simply rise from bed and engage in reading a book or similar task until you feel tired once again. It's important in this instance to refrain from reading or eating in bed.

Make certain that the room is entirely void of any light, which if present can work to defeat sleep efforts by stimulating the reticular activating system in the brain, which among other influences is stimulated by ambient or artificial light sources. Also, do not eat meals or snacks any sooner than 3 hours before laying down in bed to try and sleep and begin habits of trying to separate your thoughts concerning the source of your immediate anxiety from a point elsewhere in the house and not while lying down to try and sleep. Much of the ruminations which formulate in the mind at night constitute a sense of being unsettled and that the security of the marriage over such a long time span is placing you in unnatural settings and routine. While such impressions are common, they regularly account for cases of insomnia, cognitive difficulty at home or work and a general sense of insecurity.

The constant thought patterns you describe are collectively known as cognitive vigilance and merely arise with significant levels of anxiety as in this instance. By contrast, the clinical manifestation of de-realization is more common in instances of psychosis and constitute a very characteristic pattern. Many people with significant anxiety or clinical depression often describe feeling apart from the world around them as though watching their life as a third person, with physical sensations of being captured within a bubble or sorts and unable to feel the full sensory interaction with everything around them. This too, is not associated with de-realization but rather the combination of vigilance and physical dysregulation of the body's sensory network as a consequence of the anxiety or depression.

You'll be fine. It's important to perform introspection, or self-evaluation of matters which constitute normal situational anxiety from concerns that are more irrational in nature and take steps to slow the cognitive vigilance by engaging yourself in activities with less time to permit rumination to take hold.

If your sleep patterns do not improve within 2 weeks, you should speak with your primary care physician about providing you with a mild sleep hypnotic for two to three weeks to help restore normal sleep architecture. As with any medication, these drugs are intended strictly for short-term use so it's important to work on habits in preparation for getting a good night's rest in order to achieve best results.

Best regards,

Rutheford Rane, MD (ret.)