It happened again...

[Magik]

And I was almost positive I had found my triggers.

I am a sufferer of panic disorder and Agoraphobia, have been for about 3 years. I think I was sort of misdiagnosed, cause I seem to have Generalized Anxiety Disorder, but sometimes, they say anxiety and panic are the same things? When I have my attacks, I'd give them a nine or ten out of a possible ten because most times, even with meds, I always went to the hospital Er thinking I was having "The one." Heart attack or some other kind of major problem, because it physically works me up to the point of not being able to breath at all.

Well, August of last year, I decided to quit smoking, cut way back on my caffeine intake...and everything was perfect. I even got off the Zoloft and was medication free for Nine months. ((The brain zaps were terrible.))

No Sign of panic attacks, no problems...

And then like at the beginning of this week, it all came back, worse than ever. I had thought I'd be free of it all. I don't even know what might be causing any of it again. I've had like four people I was close to die in like the last four months, but I mourned and that should be the end of that. Unless subconsciously, I'm afraid I'll suffer the same fate.

It feels like I"m a failure to myself. I mean, why did they come back out o the blue? Why can't I get a handle on them? I have to take some Xanax the doctor had given me for whenever a panic attack might have struck. So I take one or two of those a day now. I've had an attack everyday. And then when I do try to handle them myself..and I could before...I start hyperventilating and unable to stop myself. :weep:

I've been to a Psychologist, We've tried to find my triggers, but it hits me at the worst possible times, like when Im out having dinner with people. people who don't stress me out or cause me problems, when I'm relaxing at night, the stupidest times for people to suggest I might be stressed...and there's always the worry that there's an underlying problem...I do have GERD and Crohn's Disease, after all.

I mean, I keep thinking it might not be panic attacks, they last me at least two hours...Whereas most panic attacks, so far as I've read, last at the most or peak in ten minutes? And are over in about a half hour. When it does happen, it starts as if I feel like I can't pull enough air into my lungs and i can't breath deeply and hardly at all. Which is what scares me the most. Then I get dizzy and heart palpitations sometimes and my hands get cold and clammy. And like I said it lasts for hours. If I don't take anything for it, I always wind up in the ER or feeling like I'm going to pass out badly.

I used to rely on this site way back when I needed someone to talk to, or tried to help people as best as I could. I guess the reason I'm here now is to reassure myself that it isn't some other health related problem. I keep telling myself that I"ve had ekgs, blood tests, heart tests, etc...things are fine, but like everyone says, it feels so life threatening when it's happening...it's hard to believe it's just panic. Anxiety.

I need to find something that can work for me. Breathing exercises seem to make me think about HOW I"m breathing way too easily and stress me out. I do like reading books, someone said Claire Weekes is really good. Maybe someone can recommend one of the books they've read that might be right up my alley to help with the breathing problem?

Any help is much appreciated. I'm just frustrated at myself for finding myself back in this rut. And I know that isn't helping. I feel like I"m struggling uphill again...and I hate walking up hills...but to get better, it's what we all have to do, right?

Oh, and on the last note...I have a doctor appointment on Thursday to see about some medications that might possibly get me through this hard time. If anyone has really bad anxiety/panic and knows of a medication that worked for them, without alot of scary side symptoms, please let me know so I can discuss it with my doctor. Thank you.

[haz]

Hi Magik,

Sorry to hear you're having a rough time at the moment.

I have been diagnosed with Panic Disorder (with Agorapgobia), GAD and Severe Recurrent Depression, so it is possible to have more than one "disorder".

Also, don't be so hard on yourself, you've suffered a lot of bereavements recently and this could be having a huge impact on you, even if you don't realise it. I suffered a relapse after a couple of deaths and other major life changing issues. My psychiatrist said if they had been more spaced out, I might have coped better, but as they were close together I became unwell again.

It's good that you're seeing a psychologist just now.

Do you feel you need to be back on some meds right now?

Hope you feel better soon.

Haz.x

[nantia]

Good evening,

I might be nowhere near what you describe but I had at least one 10-rated panic attacks so i guess I should talk about it bit as I can relate to your problem.

My reactions are very physical too, I can't breathe, there is a severe pain in my chest, I'm shaking without being able to control it at all, my hands get cold and numb, I feel like passing out and I can't even stand on my feet, my heart is skipping beats. . . At first I was sure I had a heart-related problem as we have a background to the family too but no matter how many times I checked my blood, heart everything I could think of, it wouldn't seem to have a problem.

I don't know if that helps but there are many people with the same problem here. All I can say, because I have no idea about medication or treatment, is to try not to blame yourself about what's happening, it's not your fault, not something you're purposly seeking to have and if you have made it out of it once you can do it again.
I hate walking uphill too, sometimes you have to stop, you think you can't make it but you know sometime you reach the peak and you start going down the easy way walking in you pace with a pleasant breeze following you. :) Life is a lot like that.

I read that breathing techniques don't help but what helped me a lot was the yoga lessons I got. Forget the whole theory and stuff, I'm not an expert either and I have stopped the lessons 2 years now. Try to concentrate on how far down you can take your breath. The calmer you are the further down you can take it. Don't push yourself to do it though, small steps every time. Try to feel how tense your muscles are and tell them to slowly calm down. Concentrate on that thought and don't let anything else interrupt it. I see that by doing this I force myself to calm down to a normal state.

You can give it a try and tell me if it works. :) I hope this helps~

[Magik]

Thanks, Haz and Nantia. I do need medication to keep me out of the emergency rooms. That's how bad the attacks go if I try to get through them myself. I used to be able to "Talk myself down" from them before, but for some reason, they're back with a "vengeance."

Yoga, I don't know too much about. To me, it seems like the whole relaxation, meditation thing doesn't usually work for me but trying anything wouldn't hurt. I know alot of people would rather go the natural route, and that was the whole reason I wanted off the Zoloft, because I am so paranoid and afraid of the symptoms and the possible side effects they can have on me. I wouldn't want meds if I didn't think I needed them to get through this. Sometimes, to get up the hill, we all need a push. Maybe I lost my confidence, or belief that I can overcome anything and that's why I came back.

Just not looking forward to my doctor saying "I told you so" because he told me before I would probably always be on some sort of medication for this. Not that he's a mean or a doctor that doesn't understand, he's a terrific doctor...I just wish I didn't need a reason to see him anymore. xD

[waunder]

Failure. That word haunts many of us that have had bouts of anxiety attacks, but in reality we beat it once we can do it again. Medication is just a crutch you need to get through the first of it [ because attacks are terrifying and exhausting] then once you get some relief you will remember how you defeated it before and start working on fixing it. Be good to yourself. Love yourself . You do not want this and you fight everyday to live with it. When I have a panic attack now ,I talk to myself, like a child , I tell myself I am sorry I am scared and that I will try hard to help myself be safe and most of all how much I love me . Be kind to you ,you deserve it.:)