Everything is going downhill again

[Itryireallytry]

So, I'm a 20 year old woman. I'm in College right now, 2 year.
5 years ago my anxiety started kicking in. It was really bad at the time. I took a lot of pills for it, I couldn't leave my house I was scared I was going to die or feel bad in front of everyone. I almost lost a year of school because of all this. But then, things started getting better. A year after I started feeling all this again. I started the pills and some months later I was okay. I stopped taking them.
Then I went to college, my first year was awesome, no panic attacks, no nothing. I'm an anxious person per se but well, nothing extreme. 2 year, now, completely fine. But now, that I'm at the end of it, with all the exams, I'm feeling everything again.

This all started (this year, this that I'm experiencing right now) because I went to the bathroom at school, I was feeling REALLY NERVOUS and I had palpitations and I looked at my chest and it was all blotchy. I started freaking out and more blotches appeared. I had to talk to my teacher and a girl from my class saw me that way too. I thought I was going to die.
Now, everytime I feel nervous and all, I get this blotchy chest (it doesnt hurt or itch and it goes away when I'm calm- completely disappears). I don't even know if I had it before when I was nervous.
I failed an exam because I couldn't go, I thought I was going to get all red in the classroom and walk away and everyone would know. Now I have that exam again, this friday. And I feel like I can't go, I'm not strong enough. I'm even starting to feel bad about leaving my house.

And I've been fighting this for like 2 months, to see if I can do it on my own. Without pills, without nothing but myself. But what if I can't, what if I'm not strong enough again and I fail my uni. I have to go to my exam...

Please help me, give me advice...

[franki]

Hi easy to say don't worry but honestly don't worry about blotches we all get that from time to time. I and my sister get that for number of reasons panic. alcohol to name but two. make a list of what u woried about on Friday other than it been same exam bringing back bad memories, work through list and bet u can dismiss half if not all reasons why u think same thing going happen again. My daughter was in college feeling like you after bad episode with an ex turned stalker wouldn't leave house without me. Suffered palpatations anxious sweats even. There is light at end of tunnel colleges provide help and maybe quicker than waiting on councelor from gp. You must try go out bit each day fresh air do u good and more u don't go out more u won't want to then you could be adding another problem to symptoms you already trying to controlle. Don't be afraid of Friday and what it brings hold your head high shoulders back tell yourself over and over I can do this today is special because its the first day of the rest of my life. Make sure its life you choose not what an illness decides good luck hunn let us know how it goes on friday and I will be there in spirit helping u find strenght to come out fighting xxx

[m.elise]

First of all, know that you are far stronger than you think you are. Know it. Life is full of ups and downs and this is just a down part of it. You can get through all of this; you've made it this far! And college is a hard journey. Don't sell yourself short by telling yourself it's not.

Is there a reason you don't want to take pills? I've been on meds for the last 10+ years of my life. I attempted to go off of them a couple of times when I was "feeling good" and it was the worst thing I could have done. The truth is that there are some biological things that we have no control over. And that's what the pills are for.

Take some good, deep breaths. You're going to get through it!

[Itryireallytry]

Anyone else?

[MiniatureDisasters]

How did it go Really? Did you make it to your exam in the end?

I found part of what makes me panic is worrying about what other people think. What if I throw up in the bus in front of everyone? I find that if tell yourself what they think doesn't matter, then there's less to worry about. If you get blotchy and people see if, so what?That's just what it is. I recently had to leave a restaurant with a group of people and go sit outside for most of the meal because I was having a massive panic attack. But weeks later, who cares. It's just what I had to do at the time.

[Itryireallytry]

No, I did not. I have it again in a couple of weeks. Last chance.

[MiniatureDisasters]

How are you feeling about it?

[Itryireallytry]

Just sended you a PM :)