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hurtssomuch
14-07-06, 12:54
policeman stops a blond woman, shes been followed swearving all over the road for the last 2 miles, policeman asks her what the problem is the blond explains well officer i got into my car went round this corner and there was a fir tree infront of me so i swerved to miss it and there was another one, then another etc etc etc, policeman looks at her and says lady that was your air freshener.


man comes home from work one day to find his wife sat on the front step with 2 suitcases, he asks where do you think your going, she replies I'm going to Las Vegas I found out that what I give you for free I can earn $400 per night in Las Vegas. Husband says hang on for 5 mins. he runs upsatirs and returns with his suitcases packed as well. Wife asks where do you think your going, with you replies the husband I want to see how you survive on $800 per year.


why is it married men gain so much weight shortly after you marry them, and unmarried men dont? well a single man goes to the fringe doesnt see anything he wants and goes to bed, a married man goes to bed doesnt see anything he wants, and goes to the fridge.


Why, Why, Why
>
> Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the
batteries
> are getting weak?
>
> Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know
> there is not enough?
>
> Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion
> stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
>
> Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
>
> Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
>
> Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
>
> Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you
> throw a revolver at him?
>
> Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
>
> Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
>
> If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
>
> Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles
> are always white?
>
> Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
>
> Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that
> something new to eat will have materialized?
>
> Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their
> vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put
it
> down to give the vacuum one more chance?
>
> Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first
> try?
>
> How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
>
> When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a
> shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's
all
> right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt,
> you stupid idiot?"
>
> Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's
falling
> off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
>
> In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in
summer
> when we complained about the heat?
>
> How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
>
> And my FAVORITE......
> The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is
> suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three
best
> friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.



The Pastor's Ass

The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was
so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and
it won again. The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered
the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race. The next day, the
local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get
rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby
convent. The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:

manmoor
14-07-06, 12:57
Hi Ed,

Excellent jokes. Made me laugh big timex

Thank you

Mandy

xx

scoobygirl2005
14-07-06, 13:01
Hi Ed.

lol great jokes mate. Made me laugh. [^] Thanks.

Scooby2005
x x

marie ross
14-07-06, 17:28
Hiya,

That joke about hoovering over the piece of string was soooooo funny....... thats what i do everytime!!!!!!!


Thanks.

Marie XXX

pinkpenny1uk
14-07-06, 22:43
nice to have a laugh for a change.
great jokes lol