W.I.F.T.S.
15-07-06, 11:41
I feel a bit confused because I know that I haven't been right for 4 years, but there are things that I used to be able to do that I can't do now. I'm going to try and do a timeline, to see what has happened.
May 2002 Living in London. Feeling low. First urges to headbutt spiked railings
Nov 2002 First full blown panic attack while smoking marijuana
Nov 2002 Move back home
Nov 2002 Prescribed Prozac by my doctor
Dec 2002 Go to the hospital on boxing day feeling hysterical. I wore gloves in the house to try and deter myself from tearing my eye out. I barricaded myself in my room to prevent myself from hurting anyone else.
Jan 2003 The skin on my hands begins to peel. One of my toes turns black. My nose starts tingling. I have a constant headache. I can't sleep. I start to feel unreal.
Jul 2003 I meet a girl from Birmingham. I drive down there a few times without much trouble. I even drove to London. I started a new job and feel excited about going on holiday and having more money. I've paid off all my debts.
Aug 2003 Only saw the girl from Birmingham a couple of times, I wasn't very interested really. I'm volunteering and working on projects.
Sep 2003 I meet another girl. She's very tempestuous though and the relationship is fraught. I fly to Amsterdam with my dad and his mates and have the worst panic attack of my life. When I get to the other side I have an urge to steal a policeman's gun and start shooting. One day there I stay in bed all day and feel like throwing myself out of the window.
Feb 2004 I'm seeing the tempestuous girl. I drive us on a day trip to Northw wales and we have a lovely time. No panic
Apr 2004 I drive us to Carlisle and I panic going over the Thelwall viaduct. The rest of the journey is horrendous as I have panic attack after panic attack and keep on stopping. I think about turning back, but I decide to go on. My girlfriend, who also suffers from panic attacks, gives me beta blockers, which help me to calm down. We hardly go out of the room while we're there, but on the way back I feel calm enough to take a detour through the lake district
Jul 2004 We get engaged in Blackpool. I feel forced into it.
Over the next 18 months I begin to hate my job more and more. I feel pressured into getting married. I think about death all the time. I start to feel bogged down with debt again (after we go on a reckless spending spree), I start to resent my job more and more, but feel that there is no way out.
Jan 2006 Begin voluntary role as Social Coordinator for my local gym
Mar 2006 I've set up football and netball teams
Jul 2006 The town mayor asks to meet me to help him to raise £20,000 to build a centre for sick kids!!
I still feel rough though, which is very frustrating, because I feel much more in control of my life and excited about possibilities and opportunities. there is no reason for me to be depressed any more!!
Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.
May 2002 Living in London. Feeling low. First urges to headbutt spiked railings
Nov 2002 First full blown panic attack while smoking marijuana
Nov 2002 Move back home
Nov 2002 Prescribed Prozac by my doctor
Dec 2002 Go to the hospital on boxing day feeling hysterical. I wore gloves in the house to try and deter myself from tearing my eye out. I barricaded myself in my room to prevent myself from hurting anyone else.
Jan 2003 The skin on my hands begins to peel. One of my toes turns black. My nose starts tingling. I have a constant headache. I can't sleep. I start to feel unreal.
Jul 2003 I meet a girl from Birmingham. I drive down there a few times without much trouble. I even drove to London. I started a new job and feel excited about going on holiday and having more money. I've paid off all my debts.
Aug 2003 Only saw the girl from Birmingham a couple of times, I wasn't very interested really. I'm volunteering and working on projects.
Sep 2003 I meet another girl. She's very tempestuous though and the relationship is fraught. I fly to Amsterdam with my dad and his mates and have the worst panic attack of my life. When I get to the other side I have an urge to steal a policeman's gun and start shooting. One day there I stay in bed all day and feel like throwing myself out of the window.
Feb 2004 I'm seeing the tempestuous girl. I drive us on a day trip to Northw wales and we have a lovely time. No panic
Apr 2004 I drive us to Carlisle and I panic going over the Thelwall viaduct. The rest of the journey is horrendous as I have panic attack after panic attack and keep on stopping. I think about turning back, but I decide to go on. My girlfriend, who also suffers from panic attacks, gives me beta blockers, which help me to calm down. We hardly go out of the room while we're there, but on the way back I feel calm enough to take a detour through the lake district
Jul 2004 We get engaged in Blackpool. I feel forced into it.
Over the next 18 months I begin to hate my job more and more. I feel pressured into getting married. I think about death all the time. I start to feel bogged down with debt again (after we go on a reckless spending spree), I start to resent my job more and more, but feel that there is no way out.
Jan 2006 Begin voluntary role as Social Coordinator for my local gym
Mar 2006 I've set up football and netball teams
Jul 2006 The town mayor asks to meet me to help him to raise £20,000 to build a centre for sick kids!!
I still feel rough though, which is very frustrating, because I feel much more in control of my life and excited about possibilities and opportunities. there is no reason for me to be depressed any more!!
Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.