Hanlou
15-07-06, 21:23
Hi. I found this site whilst doing some research into derealisation / depersonalisation disorder.
I've suffered from this for about two years now, it all started after experiencing what I later found out was a 'fugue' - I basically walked off into the middle of Derbyshire and 12 miles later I came to and remembered 'seeing myself do it' but didn't really know how I had. Fortunately the police found me and took me to the station where they gave me a cup of tea and phoned mum and dad.
I suffer from depression but told no-one about it for about 10 years, my body decided it couldn't cope anymore and I think that led to the fugue and everything else. I felt after that experience that I had been wiped away as a person and had to start all over again. My feelings of 'not being here' started then.
I'm now working again and am living a 'normal life' or at least so it seems to everyone else. Realistically, I still do not feel like I am here and this is all the time, it's a permanent state for me. Other people (and only then close friends) only notice when I'm especially tired and can't control my feelings as well.
It's terrifying. I write poems to try to get my feelings out in some way, and this seems to help but at times I just want to sob my heart out, though tears don't come easy. A particularly good friend is currently trying to get me to talk to him about it as much as I can in the hope that it will help. I have seen psychiatrists but the last one I saw was so horrible it has really put me off. I just keep hoping that some day the mist will lift and I will be able to live again, rather than just exist.
I'm so sorry to have written such a depressing intro!!! On the plus side, I have a job I quite enjoy and have good friends and a good family too. I have my animals and they help lots as well.
Love Han xx
I've suffered from this for about two years now, it all started after experiencing what I later found out was a 'fugue' - I basically walked off into the middle of Derbyshire and 12 miles later I came to and remembered 'seeing myself do it' but didn't really know how I had. Fortunately the police found me and took me to the station where they gave me a cup of tea and phoned mum and dad.
I suffer from depression but told no-one about it for about 10 years, my body decided it couldn't cope anymore and I think that led to the fugue and everything else. I felt after that experience that I had been wiped away as a person and had to start all over again. My feelings of 'not being here' started then.
I'm now working again and am living a 'normal life' or at least so it seems to everyone else. Realistically, I still do not feel like I am here and this is all the time, it's a permanent state for me. Other people (and only then close friends) only notice when I'm especially tired and can't control my feelings as well.
It's terrifying. I write poems to try to get my feelings out in some way, and this seems to help but at times I just want to sob my heart out, though tears don't come easy. A particularly good friend is currently trying to get me to talk to him about it as much as I can in the hope that it will help. I have seen psychiatrists but the last one I saw was so horrible it has really put me off. I just keep hoping that some day the mist will lift and I will be able to live again, rather than just exist.
I'm so sorry to have written such a depressing intro!!! On the plus side, I have a job I quite enjoy and have good friends and a good family too. I have my animals and they help lots as well.
Love Han xx