Lost my confidence so badly

[alihud]

How do you go about making decisions when you have hardly any confidence in yourself? My anxiety circles around what other people think of me,I make poor judgements sometimes which I guess we all do. I actually think most of my life has been one poor judgement after another. Sometimes I do things for excitement to stop the depression but then the anxiety kicks in. Isn't life about learning lessons? I keep trying to get things right but then get it spectacularly wrong. I have spent my life surrounded by critical people now I feel I daren't make a move as I will get shot down in flames. What sort of a life is that?
I'm scared of myself at the moment as I just don't know what stupid thing I will do next. I don't mean harming myself just making silly decisions as my stupid brain won't work properly. I do hope I'm making some sense here.

[hell0nurse]

I can relate. I've noticed that I am extremely self-destructive. And now that I have realized that about myself, I am so scared to do anything at all, I don't trust myself. And when you don't trust yourself, what can you do? I feel your pain. Sometimes the people around you aren't terribly supportive either. I hope you find some peace and answers <3

[neowallace]

Hi Alihud

I get what you mean as well. The minute you pop your head above the water it gets shot off so to speak. I have made some what seems really bad decisions of late thinking I was doing the right thing. I guess my own worst critic is me. I would never talk to anyone ( even someone who I dislike ) like the way I talk to myself sometimes. I get what you mean about doing things to stop depression then anxiety seems to follow. I used to get drunk a lot or gamble for excitement then a lot of the time it ended up a nightmare. To be honest my friend all I can say is I get what you mean. I am going to try and talk nicer to myself and not give myself such a hard time when I do make mistakes. Maybe that might help....All the best to you....:)

Steven...

[alihud]

Thanks for understanding. I think it's good to be aware that we can be like this. I've actually made the right decision today and I feel better for it. I agree about talking so harshly to yourself. I have been getting to the point where I don't want to be on my own as I tend to start getting nasty with myself,it's just mad,why would we do that? But we do don't we? Perhaps we need to make a conscious effort to be nicer to ourselves. I've been reading quite a bit about mindfulness but find it so hard to accept some of the concepts of it. It's like taking on a new religion when you've grown up an atheist. I'm trying to take some of it on board like having more compassion for myself,accepting the good and bad points of your personality. Not an easy thing to do but something to work towards.

[neowallace]

Hi alihud

I know what you mean to rid myself of anxiety I have always used stuff like drink and pills I suppose the easy way. I have dipped a wee bit into mindfulness but it can be so difficult like you say. I suppose I gave up on it. I read a book on compassion by Paul Gilbert and it helped. He says even when you are feeling down don't give yourself a hard time ...love yourself. I think that is great. I will thank you for your posts because they have helped me a lot today. I am going to start trying more healthy ways of dealing with my anxiety other than just taking pills. Many thanks for your insight.

Steven...:)

[alihud]

Hey your very welcome:) I just wanted to say what fantastic kids I've got. I've tried to hide my emotions from them but tonight I had a headache from hell and ended up having a panic attack. Sometimes when I get these panics I need to get stuff out of my system so I explained to them how I've been feeling. I have an illness called fibromyalgia which means I am in pain all of the time and it also affects your cognitive function as well. Sometimes I get so down,I used to be so active but now if I slightly overdo things my body sure let's me know about it. The kids know about my illness but didn't know how low I've been feeling. They are 16 and 13 now and they coped with me brilliantly tonight. I've realised that I don't need to hide everything from them and when things are really bad they r there for me as obviously I am there for them. My panic has passed now and so has the headache which felt like my head was going to explode. I panic about panicking as I don't want to be a burden to them. I'm also still grieving for my mum,it's been a long hard process.
Steven I wish you well with your anxiety, and thanks for replying.

[neowallace]

Hi alihud

I sorry to hear what you are going though mate it must be tough.I think kids are a blessing and so you sound like a lucky guy to have two good ones.:) I have a son myself and he is my whole world. He is the one that makes me want to get well and be a better guy. I wish you all the best mate with managing your anxiety.....:)

All the best
Steven