Jimmyboy
02-07-12, 14:29
Well, I've purposefully not been on here for several months as (please don't take this wrong way) reading about other peoples misfotune really wasn't helping me.
I don't expect any of you remember me, so a quick recap is basically I have severe anxiety and depression, as well as OCD, IBS and probably some other stuff tbh.
Anyway, my problems weren't helped over the last year as it really hasn't been a good one, with losing family members and various change of situations. However despite all that, in around March I was starting to feel (slightly) better and become more social........but at some point I've gone back the other way.
I don't really have anything to live for, I don't like anything, I have absolutely nothing to look forward to, and I just generally hate my life. But as if that wasn't enough, I never get any rest from bad things happening, things going wrong etc. I'm always messing up something, and due to various problems (both physical and mental) I'll never lead a normal life....I can't do 'normal' things, I've never had a girlfriend or a social life, and I feel I'll never be able to do a full time job. I had to quit my p/t one due to anxiety and missed a lot of college (although I have now finished and passed my course). But the job thing is getting to me as I know I need a job to live, yet I'm scared I can't do one, and I can't cope with that anymore.
One of my worst problems is health though, I really cannot stand being ill, even a headache brings on a panic attack at the thought I might have some bad illness which would need treatment. Infact I think it's the treatment I'm scared of more than the actual illness itself. I'm always panicking about a new spot or a new pain even though they're more than likely nothing.
I know this sounds pathetic from a 20 year old lad, which is why I can't tell anyone in the 'real' world about it, not that they'd understand anyway.
But I have felt like this for at least 7 years now, and I can't see any way its gonna change. I'm not gonna kill myself - too scared I'll mess up and just end up injured needing treatment - but I feel the best thing that could happen to myself would be to die in my sleep, painlessly of course. When I suggested this to someone with similar problems though, they said I was just being ridiculous and that 'that' is never the answer.
Now I simply don't know what to do, I don't even know what I want to people to suggest from this post. These feelings and thoughts can't be changed by a few pills or a few words from a doctor. And I physically can't cope with life anymore, I'm not even sure how I've made it this far.
I hope getting this off my chest may change something, but I doubt it.
Jimmy
I don't expect any of you remember me, so a quick recap is basically I have severe anxiety and depression, as well as OCD, IBS and probably some other stuff tbh.
Anyway, my problems weren't helped over the last year as it really hasn't been a good one, with losing family members and various change of situations. However despite all that, in around March I was starting to feel (slightly) better and become more social........but at some point I've gone back the other way.
I don't really have anything to live for, I don't like anything, I have absolutely nothing to look forward to, and I just generally hate my life. But as if that wasn't enough, I never get any rest from bad things happening, things going wrong etc. I'm always messing up something, and due to various problems (both physical and mental) I'll never lead a normal life....I can't do 'normal' things, I've never had a girlfriend or a social life, and I feel I'll never be able to do a full time job. I had to quit my p/t one due to anxiety and missed a lot of college (although I have now finished and passed my course). But the job thing is getting to me as I know I need a job to live, yet I'm scared I can't do one, and I can't cope with that anymore.
One of my worst problems is health though, I really cannot stand being ill, even a headache brings on a panic attack at the thought I might have some bad illness which would need treatment. Infact I think it's the treatment I'm scared of more than the actual illness itself. I'm always panicking about a new spot or a new pain even though they're more than likely nothing.
I know this sounds pathetic from a 20 year old lad, which is why I can't tell anyone in the 'real' world about it, not that they'd understand anyway.
But I have felt like this for at least 7 years now, and I can't see any way its gonna change. I'm not gonna kill myself - too scared I'll mess up and just end up injured needing treatment - but I feel the best thing that could happen to myself would be to die in my sleep, painlessly of course. When I suggested this to someone with similar problems though, they said I was just being ridiculous and that 'that' is never the answer.
Now I simply don't know what to do, I don't even know what I want to people to suggest from this post. These feelings and thoughts can't be changed by a few pills or a few words from a doctor. And I physically can't cope with life anymore, I'm not even sure how I've made it this far.
I hope getting this off my chest may change something, but I doubt it.
Jimmy