relationship break up

[april tones]

How do you all cope when going thru a relationship break up? we are still living together,buying new house, have a lovely son and are not together
It was my choice but all so hard and stressful!! im doing well considering but if i really stop and think and look around me il break down! ocd kicks in woth all messx

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[carlin]

Hi there, am so very sorry that things are not working out between you and your partner. I honestly have no advice to offer, just wanted to let you know that I care. To seperate is hard enough, to still share a house would, maybe, be harder? Is it a definate seperation or a rough patch? can you go to anyone as a third party to talk through things? So many questions when all you need is comfort., sorry. It just seems such a waste as you both seem to want the same things, you are young and have a lovely baby. take things slowly and see if there is anyone who can help or advise. keep in touch. sorry of no use. xxxjean

[april tones]

Hi jean, no, thanks for reply!!

My parents live in france, they are gutted so ts bit hard!
I have had alot of support of my sister,friends on line and my main friend offline!
I really feel there is no going back!
It is only our son keeping us together
I have had a lovely time with him and happy memories but i feel we have grown apart, no attraction,no fun! xxx

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[ISABELLE]

Hi April tones,

I'm sorry to hear you are having a difficult time in your life right now.

The pressures of having a family are very challenging in this modern world and it is so easy to take your partner for granted.

Do you still love each other ?, if so then maybe you have to find time for each other again. You can do fun things again with your partner and a good suggestion is to have a 'first date'. This I have read can work and helps to put the spark back into tired, comfortable relationships.

I hope you can work things out because Your son needs both his mum and dad.

Take care.

Love ISABELLE XXX

[darkangel]

hi april

i am so sorry things did not work out for you and your partner. 13 months ago i was in the same position as yourself - I had been married for 16 yrs with a teenage daughter and my marriage was going nowhere mainly due to my anxiety and how it had affected my family life. I decided to leave the marriage and like you we all had to live under the same roof until I got a flat. I slept on the couch and we kind of shifted from room to room to avoid each other. The relationahip had gone past trying to ressurect it. 13 months on, I have improved so much, my self esteem and confidence is gradually coming back and my anxiety is better. It is lonely but I am left with a fear of new relationships - i guess it will just take time.
You know when the time is right to move on and if there is nothing left and the relationship has outrun its course then you know you are doing the right thing.
Keep telling yourself you are strong and you will cope no matter what. Keep focussed and keep talking to your support team.
Take care and I am thinking of you
Darkangel x


........life is for living not just for surviving

[april tones]

Hi dark angel!!
thanks
What was your children or rather young adults like about it?
Sad thing is my partner is great! so supportive thru all anxiety,illnes etc
But its just not there any more, we let our relationship go stale!! xxx

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[darkangel]

hi april

my daughter was really upset about the whole thing - I should have left years ago but i stayed becauase of her and that made things worse.

i explained to her that me and her dad were splitting up and I was the one who had to leave the marital home to look for a new flat. Because i was offered a flat about a 20min drive away from her school she decided she would stay with her dad most of the school week as all her friends lived in the same village as him. I get her 3 nights a week. I tried to make it as easy as possible for her and reassure her all the time that I love her. I never pull her dad down. She has adjusted OK - but it took a while before she could call my place home - she used to say she was just visiting me - that was hard to deal with. But I gave her time and she has gradually grown to accept that this is how life is now.
dad has now met a new g/f and in the space of 5 months have sold the family home and his g/f's home to buy a new house together - I am leaving it down to her to decide what she wants to do - she will probably live with me more nights now - changes happen and we have accepted that. She is 15 by the way. I sometimes think it would have been much easier if she had been younger.

Maybe it was easier for me as I had no feelings left for my ex hus - he was not supportive of me but i had been too scared to take the leap but i am so glad i did.

I do hope it all works out for you

darkangel x



........life is for living not just for surviving

[april tones]

A h dark angel, thats so nice, thanks for your post and advice
Yes it wont be for ever! just few years, talking around 2 ish!
We are in tricky position also, i think its hard enough partner losing me let alone us living apart and having seperate homes!
thanks so much for your replies x

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[tara]

Hyia April,

I was in a similar position last year, I have a five year old son and had been with my ex-partner for 12 years. Our relationship got stale, boring, no fun, i'd fallen out of love with him and had been for a few years.

Firstly I found it best to be truthful to my son and explained that daddy wouldn't be living with us anymore but also drummed it into him that he could see or speak to daddy anytime he wanted too !!! It was a difficult time and, yes my son did cry about it but I reasured him everytime time that I loved him very much and daddy did also.

My son is a little older than yours so I had number questions he wanted answering, so I did my best in my explainations, never slagged his dad off and always reasured him we loved him very much.

It was a tough few weeks with everything that needed sorting out but you'll be very suprised how strong you become especially if you know it's totally the right thing your doing, which it was for me.

We now get on great I no longer feel suffocated .

I could go on and have lots more to say on the subject so ask away and i'll help if I can. tara xx

Smile...it confuses people.

[chucklehound]

I was in this situation over christmas and I know how stressful it can be. Hope things get better for you hun xxxx

Take care

Chuckle

xxxx

[Two heads]

Sorry to hear you are having a bad time of it april,things will get better.
You are very brave to be living together still, even if you have broken up.Something tells me that maybe there is still something there with you both apart from your son of course.Maybe deep down your still holding on to something and your a little confused to what it is?
Sorry if i have got this wrong ,its just 4 years ago i was in the same boat .
You need to have a good hard think by yourself and try and work out what is best for you!If you are happy your son will be.
Takecarexxx

[april tones]

Hi all thanks for replys
I feel it is right but when i see him hirting i question my self
I feel like a weight has been lifted and i cant hurt him any longer than what he is going thru
I have suffered with depression,post natal depression,anxxiety,ocd and fibro
Long list! lol
He has supported me through it all and i suppose i feel i owe him something?
I ummed and ahhed over this for over 6 months as first it was just sex drive that went, then i come to realise i am interested in sex but just dont feel attracted to my partner anymore, not that he isnt attractive as he is , very!
I do worry if its part of conused feelings,hormones or depression!
thanks guys xx

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