Goldfinch
03-07-12, 21:43
I've visited this site for around a year now and I have always been really impressed by the courage and resourcefulness that you all use in living and coping with your various problems.
I've had a few episodes of anxiety over the years at difficult times in my life, and the last few years have been really challenging. I've emerged from a horrendous divorce which dragged on for seven years (not helped by my ex moving back into the house for the last four and subjecting me to unbelievable verbal abuse, bizarre and worrying behaviour once he discovered that I had met someone else). The children were badly affected by this as well. My legal fees escalated to the extent that I was unable to pay my tax bill and had to come to a monthly arrangement with the Inland Revenue. At that point I started getting panic attacks and my GP prescribed citalopram, which helped enormously although I found it tended to make me drowsy. I got through the last year on citalopram and diazepam as needed, managed to sort out my financial problems and built up my hours of freelance work. My ex was so obstructive that at the last minute my solicitor had to take him to court to enforce the sale of the house. Because of my legal costs I couldn't afford to buy a three bedroom house (we live in the South East!) but I was able to rent a lovely house with my boyfriend as guarantor. We don't live together because we both live with our teenage children, and it just would not work.
Six months later the children and I are still living here in reasonable peace. I still get occasional hassle from my ex (he is currently challenging the amount the CSA have asked him to pay, so I am getting very little help, and I still get the occasional bizarre text). I am paying the rent by being extremely careful with money and working 40 hours a week (the freelance lifestyle means constant insecurity about when I am going to get paid, though on average the money is OK), and the children are so much better and happier. I've also registered with the local housing association and should have no problems in getting the necessary mortgage. So, looked at objectively, I'm in quite a good position, but the anxiety is rearing its ugly head again. The uncertainty about where I'm going to end up living touches some very deep fear inside me; I still can't quite believe that I'm safe from my ex (he works locally, and every time I see him I get a knot of fear in my stomach); and I have become very weepy and emotional about the least thing. I'm going through the menopause, which probably doesn't help, and also I guess now I am in a safe place it's all catching up with me. I don't want to go to my GP as it's manageable (I'm taking a short course of St John's Wort) but I feel I should be relaxing and enjoying life a bit more now. It's as if I'm still on red alert and everything that could be a potential threat starts an adrenalin reaction - one of the children is late home, an envelope arrives from the tax man, I see my ex in the distance, etc. Has anyone else experienced this sort of delayed reaction, and what did you find helpful in dealing with it?
I've had a few episodes of anxiety over the years at difficult times in my life, and the last few years have been really challenging. I've emerged from a horrendous divorce which dragged on for seven years (not helped by my ex moving back into the house for the last four and subjecting me to unbelievable verbal abuse, bizarre and worrying behaviour once he discovered that I had met someone else). The children were badly affected by this as well. My legal fees escalated to the extent that I was unable to pay my tax bill and had to come to a monthly arrangement with the Inland Revenue. At that point I started getting panic attacks and my GP prescribed citalopram, which helped enormously although I found it tended to make me drowsy. I got through the last year on citalopram and diazepam as needed, managed to sort out my financial problems and built up my hours of freelance work. My ex was so obstructive that at the last minute my solicitor had to take him to court to enforce the sale of the house. Because of my legal costs I couldn't afford to buy a three bedroom house (we live in the South East!) but I was able to rent a lovely house with my boyfriend as guarantor. We don't live together because we both live with our teenage children, and it just would not work.
Six months later the children and I are still living here in reasonable peace. I still get occasional hassle from my ex (he is currently challenging the amount the CSA have asked him to pay, so I am getting very little help, and I still get the occasional bizarre text). I am paying the rent by being extremely careful with money and working 40 hours a week (the freelance lifestyle means constant insecurity about when I am going to get paid, though on average the money is OK), and the children are so much better and happier. I've also registered with the local housing association and should have no problems in getting the necessary mortgage. So, looked at objectively, I'm in quite a good position, but the anxiety is rearing its ugly head again. The uncertainty about where I'm going to end up living touches some very deep fear inside me; I still can't quite believe that I'm safe from my ex (he works locally, and every time I see him I get a knot of fear in my stomach); and I have become very weepy and emotional about the least thing. I'm going through the menopause, which probably doesn't help, and also I guess now I am in a safe place it's all catching up with me. I don't want to go to my GP as it's manageable (I'm taking a short course of St John's Wort) but I feel I should be relaxing and enjoying life a bit more now. It's as if I'm still on red alert and everything that could be a potential threat starts an adrenalin reaction - one of the children is late home, an envelope arrives from the tax man, I see my ex in the distance, etc. Has anyone else experienced this sort of delayed reaction, and what did you find helpful in dealing with it?