New here... (ex)health anxious

[tofutoffees]

Hi, I'm new on here but have visited the site a few times. I have had health anxiety for about 10 years, maybe more, who knows? It has been a constant battle for escape. Last week I finally got the courage for a blood test that I had been dreading knowing the result of. It came back negative. I should be happy but all I feel is a wild emptiness; it's not that I wanted to be sick, and I've been through so many investigations for other suspected illnesses (that have never materialised!) and felt happy afterwards, that I am quite thrown by it.

In fact, I can barely hold it together. My partner thinks it may be some kind of grief? I am wondering if anyone else has had this experience when they have felt "well" again or had good news regarding test results. It feels like it may be the final "letting go" of the health anxiety and there is nothing else there; nothing to replace it with.

I can't imagine reading a post like this while in a state of panic induced by health anxiety, so apologies to anyone who may be in that camp. I am just looking for advice and support. I have worked very very very hard to rid myself of the health anxiety, and would be happy to share my experiences.

[nomorepanic]

Hi tofutoffees

We just wanted to welcome you aboard to NMP. We hope you enjoy your stay here and get all the support and advice you need.

Please take some time to read the website articles on the left as well for loads of advice and tips.

[Seanydee]

I'm new to health anxiety I've been suffering for almost a year,I've had test after test and each time I get the all clear I feel the emptiness your talking about.I really don't know how u have copped for 10yrs I haven't even done 1 and ive had enough of it,feel free to message me I'd love to hear more and maybe we could support each other because I don't know about u but ppl I try and talk to about my health anxiety don't really seem interested the listen don't get me wrong they just don't understand how life consuming it is ;)

[tofutoffees]

I understand what you mean about it consuming your life, and about how other people find it very difficult to understand. I am trying to live my life more fully and have started new hobbies such as running and cycling. These things have really been the result of a long battle through various therapies -cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), psychotherapy and, most recently, existential counselling (this works well, I think, in conjunction with CBT).

Out of interest, was there a particular event that triggered the health anxiety for you?

Is your GP understanding? I am lucky with mine and have been lucky with doctors and psychiatrists. My health anxiety was picked up when I went to the GP over and over again for suspected bowel cancer (I was 19, so a highly unlikely diagnosis!) and referred to the psychiatrist. It took another ten years and several different doctors and therapists to get to where I am now. It is a bit scary and feels like I am losing part of my identity. I still see a therapist, who is very good, and has helped me come to terms with the fact that death is an essential part of human existence.

Not that comforting a thought, though, when you are awaiting yet another set of test results!

Thanks for replying to my post. I am really sorry you have been suffering with health anxiety and will be happy to chat.

[Seanydee]

Yes I had a water infection but I couldnt get in to see my own doctor and they didn't pick up on the water infection they told me I was just run down I didn't get to see my GP for 4 weeks and he said I had a water infection it spiralled from there really,my GP is great I see him at least once a month and he's got me to see a therapist I've been to see her twice what did u think of the CBT ?

[tofutoffees]

I think the CBT was a good short-/medium-term measure which has taught me a lot of coping skills (do they get you doing pie charts?)

For instance:

Me: "I have a cough. I think it is emphysema."

Therapist: "What else could it be? What could other people with a cough be suffering from, and how many from each of these?"

Me: "60% a seasonal bug; 30% a chest infection; 5% anxious tic; 5% (harmless - for now at least!) smokers' cough"... and then you realise there is no place left in the pie chart for emphysema/lung cancer, etc. and that a small proportion of people with coughs will actually be really seriously ill.

I have used that technique for a lot of illnesses. It is better than having a lot of procedures done (the barium swallow I had done was, for me, the worst! -- but I have also had an MRI scan, an ECG and none of it is pleasant!) For me, CBT ended up a bit of a dead end because it didn't tackle any underlying issues, but it is an extremely useful tool in and of itself. Hence the existential analysis...

The existential analysis can help you put things in a different perspective and you can google this on line (there is a society for it). There was a post I saw on another forum on here yesterday (can't remember where exactly) where the poster was talking about becoming more "mindul" and developing his/her "mindfulness" and this is a big part of existential analysis.

I have suggested to therapists/doctors that the two could go hand-in-hand but I am working flat out to pay for the existential analysis (worth it, though I'm exhausted!) and the NHS may have problems paying for either of the treatments.

I don't know if CBT works for everyone. I don't know if existential counselling works for everyone. From personal experience, the two together are great.

I am glad you have a supportive GP - it is so important. The difficult thing is to avoid using the GP/tests for reassurance but to get to the bottom of the issues causing the anxiety. That said, it is hard to ignore symptoms but I guess that gets easier with time, and then what once would have been a "symptom" you simply just won't notice.

Hope that helps?

Tofutoffees