Anxiety is ruining my life

[rosebud1984]

Hi guys, I've had GAD for 8 months. My anxiety resulted from the stress I experienced during my final year at Uni. At the moment I'm fixating on my relationship. I can't cope with this because my bf is the most wonderful thing in my life. I'm so scared of losing him, I'm scared of driving him away, I'm scared of convincing myself we won't last. (Now I'd just like to make it clear that I have a GOOD & HAPPY relationship my bf. In my rational moments I know that I love him, that I want to be with him, that he makes me happy, that we're compatible & he's everything I've ever wanted.) But my anxiety distorts my thoughts over us & I hate it. It's so powerful it could ruin the best thing I've got going. It makes me worry so much about us, whether we're meant to be etc.

My bf knows about my anxiety disorder & knows it's not because of him, & that it's not my fault I think the things I do. He's so understanding, he's stuck by me through it all. He's an angel & I know that not many men would stand by me the way he has.

I feel helpless against the rushing, negative thoughts in my head & I cry because I fear I could lose him & spend the rest of my life like this. It gets so bad sometimes I doubt my own feelings for him. I just can't stop the "what if?" questions in my head. My anxiety has reached such a level that I don't feel myself anymore & I don't know what to think or feel. I don't know what the truth is anymore, it's completely taken over :-(

Ever since my break-up with my ex I've been insecure. I lost all belief in 'forever' & kept waiting for my current bf to leave me. My biggest worry is "how do I know my bf's the one?" I want him to be, but in my previous (& first) proper relationship I thought I'd found Mr Right & thought I was going to be with him forever. After 3 years he dumped me for a female friend. I'm over him now, but the pain of the rejection will never go. Looking back I can see I was living in a fairy-tale world where you never get your heart broken. I also know me & my current bf are much more suited. But because I'd so convinced myself my ex was the one, I'm now finding it hard to ever be able to believe that again. Does that make sense? Even though I feel like this time I've found my soulmate, I still doubt the future. It's pointless really because no one knows what will happen in the future, but my thinking has been distorted so much that I'm questioning EVERYTHING, including why I'm even having these thoughts!! My anxiety is like an evil voice in my head saying "Oh, there MUST be something wrong with your relationship, why would you be worrying about it otherwise!!??"

It's so bad it has the potential to ruin our relationship. I'm so confused I feel like I want to withdraw from the world & these fears. I want them to go away. My heart's message of love for my bf is being ****led by the chaos in my head.

My bf says he loves me even if I do have anxiety. But I can't cope with it anymore. I feel helpless. I want it to stop. I want it to go away. I feel like I'm going crazy. I just don't know how to get through 'now' & get over this :-(

Please can someone reassure me? Has anyone ever had an anxiety disorder affect their relationship?? How did you deal with it? Are there any anti-anxiety methods you've tried that work well?? (I would prefer not to go on meds.) Please help, I just want to be normal & happy, & be able to live my life :-(

xxx Rosebud xxx

[mad_hatter]

Hi rosebud1984

This is uncanny cos I've been through a similar thing!

Ok my anxiety started at uni too and after treatment it went away, but it has come back in the last few months. I have GAD so I've worried about everything, but one thing I did worry about was my relationship. Let me state now that, like yourself, I am in a wonderful, loving relationship with one of the nicest guys i have ever met and he is perfect for me. And not only that but he is my best friend, which is fabulous :D

I started to worry that my anxiety would start to focus on my relationship and to some extent it did/does. My worries were: does my boyfriend love me/will the relationship last/what if it doesnt/what if I dont love him/what if he fancies someone else/I'm not good enough for him etc etc etc...

I know how irrational it sounds but it seemed so real at the time. It came to a head this weekend actually, when I broke down in front of him and said he would be better off without me. He was really really good with me, he was very sympathetic to my anxiety and said he never wanted to lose me - he really helped me to see sense.

My advice is to try not to bottle things up, try and do as many fun activities together as possible, keep a scrapbook of photos and happy memories to look back on when you are feeling low, seek help for your anxiety from your doctor, and don't pressurise yourself to get better overnight - it will take time.

Hope this post helps you :D

[ren]

Hello, I'm another one who has EXACTLY this problem. I love my boyfriend but everytime I say "I love you" I immediately think "but do I?" and the panic begins. I get so panicked by it that at times I have no idea if I love him or not. I know there's no one else I want to be with, that he's an angel and I want our relationship to work, but how do I get over this? How do I get over something that could ruin my relationship and my life?

ren

[rosebud1984]

Wow! Can I just say guys what a relief it is to find other people who think the same crazy thoughts as I do! It sounds like you two are like me & really do love your bf's, but the anxiety clouds your judgement. Your worries are the same as mine, although I know that I do actually love him through all the confusion. Last weekend it got really bad & for the first time I didn't actually know. But that anxiety attack has past & I'm fine again now. I know I love him. But for those few moments it was scary & horrible, & I didn't actually know what the truth was anymore. It sounds as though your bf is very supportive & understanding like mine. Be grateful for that. A lot of men would run a mile.

Ren, it sounds as though you do love your bf very much. Just hang on in there. I have no idea how to get over it because that's what I would like to know myself!! The only thing I can say to you is take each day at a time. Each night that you go to sleep & you're still together is a victory. Good luck.

xxx Rosebud xxx

[mad_hatter]

Tis a very scary feeling when you get it, but i always get through it, and at the end of the day i know I love my bf to bits and I know he loves me too :D

I am so grateful that he is a compasionate person because, like you say, a lots of men would run a mile.

[jodi78148]

Hi. I can really relate to this. I first experienced anxiety at 18, when I met my husband. I thought for sure he could never handle me, but it has been 7 years and hes still here, and we are married with 2 kids. I still have so many problems that effect us and yet he still soldiers on. I have noticed that I have backed off, its almost as if I went into a shell to protect myself. I do this with everyone except my kids. It hurts my husband and I am working on this. Anxiety really takes it's toll on you. All you can do is to keep going and trying to improve in areas you have shelled yourself off from. Alot of us fear the loss of our partners because they feel like our safe point. You are so strong and you will be okay. I will be thinking of you, because I can relate everyday. You love your partner sooo much and you will be okay. My theory is that any man able to take me on is the greatest and will only make me stronger by example. Stay strong!![^]

[rosebud1984]

Hi Jodi. Thanks for your lovely message. My anxiety has eased up lately, but I had some slight anxiety on Sunday. I'm just choosing to ignore it & get on with everything at the moment. It seems to pounce when I'm feeling relaxed with my bf because during those moments I'm not feeling any particularly strong emotions & my anxiety says 'why aren't you feeling more spark!?' Ahhh!!!! Questions, questions, questions! God I hate it!!

xxx Rosebud xxx

[jodi78148]

I think its fantastic that you are doing better. Your right about one thing, the questions never go away. Its hard enough living your own life on th edge let alone with someone else. It really effects your self esteem over time. My relationship is never the same, I feel like someone different alot. Some days i'm fine and I adore our relationship while others I just want to be left alone and not touched. Hey on a funny point I guess it never gets old for are partners huh? They get someone new every so often. Well I don't know if thats how you are but it is definitly how I work. But feel lucky you have someone so great. I know I try to think that way often. I feel like not many people could handle or try to understand how we feel. Again I am sooo glad you are feeling better. I am always here to talk if you need someone to relate too.
Jodi

[Maried]

Wow! You guys explained exactly what i am going through with my boyfriend.

I thought i was nuts!! I don't know where to even start to get help!
Any advice?? I am sick of always questioning my love for my BF & sick of the "what if's"

help!!

Marie

[*tina*]

Hey guys, i'm going through the exact same thing, I'm in my first year at university away from home and have a long distance relationship with my boyfriend of a year, and i feel like i'm going crazy. I'm constantly calling home crying and need reassurance from my boyfriend that he won;t leave me. I question whether I love him daily, but i know I do, he's perfect for me. Now, it's almost like i'm distancing myself from him to convince myself that i don't love him, please can someone help.

Ps. I am on medication that I just started a couple days ago, and I do see a therapist weekly.

[ailsajayne26]

Hi, I just read your post and think that you should go the gp and TELL them you want to be referred for Cognitive behavioural therapy, It deals with ways to stop negative thoughts or talk yourself round from them!

I had very bad anxiety but did not want to take any meds for it, and i had one course of CBT and am pretty much fine, and that included dealing with my ex ending our relationship which i found extrememly difficult.
Also with CBT you can get the opportunity to talk about why you are having these thoughts, I also had PTSD and have self esteem problems too so being able to talk to someone else really helped with that too! I now find it easier to not think everyone is going to leave me and everyone secretly hates me etc etc....

I really hope this helps!! and Im glad you have such a supportive bf!! xx

[goingmadder]

Hi all,

I'm sorry you are all experiencing these horrible feelings but in the same light I am gald to know Im not the only one... I honestly spent the last 12 years convinced Im crazy...

I've just started a relationship with a wonderful man.. Its still early days but for the fist time in many many years I felt a rush of emotion for him. We just clicked soo perfectly. he is everything I could ever want, we have so much in common and in no time at all we're both convinced this is it for us..no more looking for Mr or Miss Right cos we've found eachother... Everything has been going great until suddenly my arch nemesis Anxiety reared his ugly head and is trying to destroy everything...

Every relationship i have had since i was 17 when this first started has inevitable been destroyed by my manxiety..

The sudden sick feeling, palpatation, difficulty breathing and the terrible questioning... the constant thinking... feels like I am trying to convince myself of negative things.. When I have tried in the past to tell myself im being irrational I quickly folow that with Im making excuses for myself, I am just a horrible B**** and I just dont have the ability to love. I berate myself and punish myself and go round in the most vicious of circles. Even now the thought of accepting that "its not that I dont love him, its that i have an anxiety problem" feels like a total lie, like im making it up so that it's not my fault.

I am so so sick of anxiety ruining my life... All I want is to be happy..

In the seconds or minutes when the anxiety subsides I feel calm and think of him and know i love him and i want to be with him and experience our lives together... but then the anxiety takes grip and I fear hurting him, i feel like my whole life is a lie... The anxiety in its time has caused me to feel like that even about my friends and children so I guess in a sense thats proof enough that it is anxiety and not me being a nasty horrible person.

Right now I just wanna break down and cry Im so sick of losing great love and great opportunity because of the anxiety...

I just want it to end.. I have suffered anxiety/depression since I was 17 and when it hit me it was sudden like a snap of the fingers... it destroyed my life one thought at a time...i spiraled into depression.. i tried to get help abut didnt suceed.

Even the traumatic events of childhood feel like a lame excuse for being such a messed up person.. I was sexually abused for years but it never really phased me as a child as I thought it was totally normal and so never really quesitoned it... as i got older and even in recent therapy a few months ago I felt liek i was using it as an excuse and that the fact that is didnt phase me back then meant in a way it was my own fault.

I jsut want thsi to stop before I lose him... he says he's not going anywhere and we'll work through whatever troubles we run into but thats not fair on him either!...

I dont want to take meds, thats always been a no no to me like a total cop out... there must be a way to stop being soooo NUTS!! Please please help!

Peace and love

X

[junebug9]

The reason I joined this website was because of my frantic searches on google about the same situation all of you are in. I can't begin to explain how badly I'd like to get better and just be happy with my boyfriend just how I was just over a month ago! My boyfriend is PERFECT for me. We are PERFECT for each other. There is NOTHING wrong with us at all. I'd love to talk to anyone who is going through the same thing, or those of you who have been through it and have overcome it. I'm in complete agony every day of my life, and it's terrible. It's ripping my life apart.

[SarahP]

I can't believe this, this is the way my anxiety has manifested itself for the past two years. Constantly doubting how I feel about my boyfriend, and feeling really guilty as he's such a lovely person. In the end I broke up with him two days ago, as I've realised that even if the problem isn't my relationship, I need to find out how to get better as a 'me' before I can be part of an 'us' again.

I'm seeing my counsellor tomorrow, am hoping she can help me through some of these confusing feelings and help me become more independent, as in the end I was totally dependent on him, which I knew wasn't healthy.

My only advice to you guys would be: make sure you take time to build yourselves up on your own, as anxiety and depression hit when we feel inadequate or something, and you can't be in a healthy relationship until you're happy with yourself. tha doesn't mean the relationship has to go, just that we have to learn to focus on ourselves!!

Much love and support

Sarah xx

[lady]

totally agree i split up with my man four weeks ago i need to get myself better and he didnt understand my anxiety.wierd thing is after two years together iam not even bothered to walk away which shows me i need to focus on me no head space for relationship just now

[Jacks21]

Hi all

I'm going crazy atm trying to figure out why i left my first serious boyfriend. it's been a year and i miss him incredibly.
I'm SO confused over what actually happened!!! when we first got together when we were 16, out of nowhere i felt like i was going to die! i started being sick all the time, even in public places!! was awful. the doctors thought i had anorexia as i couldn't eat and only felt fear with food.
after much counselling i realise what i had/have sometimes now is social anxiety.
Thing is though by ex boyfriend stuck by me for over 2 yrs before i decided to end it. i don't even know why i ended it. we went to uni (different uni's) and for once in my life i didnt feel anxious. i made friends easily and had fun. when i went to see my ex i felt a flood of dread and anxiety over me. in short, i think i just thought 'f**k it' lol.
after about a couple of months i was so wrenched in regret and guilt for ending it with such a lovely person, i asked him back. he said yes. we tried again for another 2 yrs before ME ending it again last year.
My friends just think we grew apart. and 2bh that's probably true to some extent... but then the voices come... "it's all YOUR fault" .."you FREAK"... i can't help thinking what if i was didnt suffer from the anxiety, how would things have been. it's not so much the anxiety that interrupted our relationship, but the constant negative thoughts id have about him. i was so critical and judgemental, projecting my worries onto him. i was obsessed with how quiet he was (and yes he was a bit) but it was like i blew it out of proportion.
i feel SO guilty now. also, depressed as i know he wont take me back now.
:weep:


This post has been automatically edited by the NMP post filter

[Joellie]

Oh my God, You guys have no idea how this has helped me. The last month ive been convincing myself that im crazy and that there is something wrong with me. Ive had feelings that I will always be like this and i will never be happy with anyone ever!

I have the best boyfriend ever, Nick, who ive been with for 4 years and 4 months, weve been together since i was 14 and he was 18 and weve survived 3 years of long distance university and it seems to me that in the last month ive convinced myself that im going to ruin it all. I love him so much, I used to think about marriage and kids all the time but this has hit me hard and now im at a loss as to what is going on in my head.

I worry about him, us, other things too but this thread is related directly to the "us" and "him" part. Im scared that he will leave me because of how im feeling, because he will think i dont love him, I do love him and i dont have any plans to leave him! But i get the "what if's" i think what if i end up like my parents and we get married and either of us do what my dad did and have an affair. I would obviously not ever want this to happen on both parties i wouldnt want to be cheated on or to cheat on nick I like to tell him everything i feel and if i ever was unhappy enough to do that he would know, i always want to be honest with him.

As well as the what ifs i doubt things that arent even there. Im not sure what it is im doubting. Il think about when we first met and i get a clawing pain in me that makes me want to cry, i think about seeing him next weekend and worry im going to ruin the weekend if i get this feeling again while hes down.

Its not just him. I worry about stupid thigns liek christmas! Yes i know, why would that worry me? I have no idea, but earlier i thought about it and i got the horrible feeling. I think about Uni (which im going to start next year i hope) and the horrible feeling springs up. I think about things like "when nicks down im going to be working on the days he is down" and i get the horrible feelign.

I love him so much and i know that i cant expect him to want me forever if im like this because even i wouldnt want me like this forever. I feel liek if i cant resolve this, i never will and then i really cant see the point in being alive. Which again is a wierd thing because i would never kill myself but i do just get the horrible feeling of " i cant stand this forever"

Im going to my gp on wednesday, i phoned him on friday and i told him i thought it was my depression again but after reading this im sure its more anxiety attacks than anything.

Oh im so happy, im really so happy that theres an answer to this, i really thought at one point that i was doubting us as a relationship and it upset me because i didnt want to leave him and i loved him and wanted him to stay with me.

Thanks x

[Coyotebored]

I cant believe that i found this. Word for word, feeling for feeling i am going through the same thing as rosebud. It makes me feel so much better to know that I am not crazy and the only person that feels that way. I am so scared I am pushing my bf away. I just asked for a break to work on myself but I am scared the damage is done. Of course that is most likely my anxiety but it gets hard to differentiate sometimes. I want to send that post to him so he will know that it isnt just me but I dont know if that would be a mistake. maybe pushing too much. LOL anxiety is such fun! Hang in there! It will be okay.

[ellakaren]

Hi all,
i have just joined this and hope that it will make me understand why i am feeling this way. I am going through the very same as all of you but this has only happend in the past couple of weeks. It just feels like i woke up one day worrying about my future with my boyfriend and worrying if i move in with him will we work out. Then i worry that am i thinking this way because i dont love him anymore. Of course i do love him and have loved him for the past 6 years. We are the best of friends and we tell each other everything. I have told him the pain i am going through and he is very understanding. I go through phases where i am ok and my heart calms down but thats not too often. I wake up most mornings with my heart racing and stomach is sick. I have headaches from the tension and lately i am finding it hard to eat. My brother suffers from depression and he is on med a long time now so i refuse to go to any doctor to end up like that. Has anyone experienced this and got over it and how long does it take to go away? If i keep feeling like this i will have no choice but to end my wonderful relationship wit my boyfriend as i cant keep putting him through this.

[moomintroll]

i started getting anxiey about a year ago, at the time i did not know what i was, i would have the shakes, feel tearful and have horrible feelings of dread, feel sick and have migraines, i just put it down to problems like stress, i was having problems at home and work and with my boyfriend at the time and ignored it, my symptoms just kept getting worse, i would dread even being out in situations that i would get a bad feeling about and i even stopped drinking and did not want confrontations with people as i was scared what would happen, my boyfriend being drunk would make me worse, i just continued to ignore it and started being off work

things came to a head in may last year when i had an argument and i just could not take anymore, i got so upset and was shaking so much i passed out, my boyfriend at the time had to call an ambulance, which was rather embarrasing, but they were really nice and the first thing they said to me was, how long have you had anxiety and have you been to a doctor about it, i said no as i was too scared, my blood pressure was through the roof and i got such a fright it made me go to the doctors

at the time my work, home life and boyfriend were all making me feel anxious, i would feel sick, have the shakes and at one point was terrified if my phone went off!! and the insomnia was not fun, nor was crying for hours or being too scared to go out

the first doctor i saw in may last year was not the most understanding and would not sign me off and i had to explain to her that being at work was not what i needed at that point as that was one of the causes, she signed me off for a week at the end of which i still felt no better, i saw another doctor who was most helpful and did the questionnaire test with me to see if it was anxiety or depression i had, my anxiety levels were through the roof but i now knew i was not going nuts and knew what was wrong with me, as my anxiety got so bad i was starting to get more phsysical symptoms as well as the ones going on in my head, so i really did think i was going nuts

i would also not eat for days and the constant thoughts going round and round in my head stopped me for sleeping for days as i was too scared to sleep

when i got back to work after a 3 week break they sent me for counselling, which was not a help as all she did was blame my parents for the way i am and despite me trying to talk about other things, she would go back to that, my work is now sending me for cognative behavioural therapy which is quite hard

i have been signed off a number of times in the last year, my work does not help as the people i work with are annoyed i am not well, despite the fact i kick their ass work wise and do 3 times the work they do in a 7 hour day despite having bad days, i get what feels like an interregation everytime i have a bad day or take time off, its all questions like what triggered it etc, i am so tired and frustrated at having to justify myself and explain what is wrong and they still do not understand, my teamleader thought it was depression i had, umm no as i explained for the umpteenth time, i have anxiety and the last bad day i had, i had an anxiety attack for 2 hours, i was in tears and shaking so much i could not hold a cup of water, i had to beg to go home :weep:, it as resulted in me having to hide the fact i have anxiety which has made it worse for me, as i am now scared of my work, as they have started to threaten me with discaplinary action etc, i have not been off continuously for months i go to work as much as i can

my boyfriend tries to understand but he is of the its all in your head and get over yourself type, which is hard but he is there for me, my dad is a great help as he suffers from anxiety aswell, my mum tends to ignore the problem and pretends there is nothing wrong with me which makes it hard

the biggest move i made was to get somewhere else to live as my parents were not helping with my anxiety and i could not afford to get somewhere by myself, so i moved into a flatshare

i feel like i am going on a bit here :blush:, but it feels good to get things off my chest

the cbt sessions are hard but i am not sure its for me and my insomnia has been so bad the last few weeks i could not take anymore and am at the last stages of trying to fight anymore as the more i try to fight the anxiety, the worse i feel, the doctor gave me a course of diaxepam to take 1 tablet 3 times a day so i could get some sleep, they worked for a whole two days

i think having the shakes scares me sometimes as its very embarrassing. i think the symptoms scare me much more, like not eating, the insomnia, head going round with thoughts or feeling spaced out or having nothing going on in my head, not being able to take anything in or sometimes just not wanting to talk to anybody or do anything, its like having no control, i have other symptoms aswell but they depend on how i am, the worst being feeling like something horrible is going to happen

i even tried to get my work to read some information i had to see if it would help them understand what i am going through, they were not interested in the least, they think they are doing all they can as they are sending me to do cbt, maybe if the folk i worked with understood a bit more they would not treat me differently as that makes me feel worse, i just give up and am going to end up hiding what is wrong with me again which i should not have to do, i have anxiety and i know i am not nuts but people make me feel like i am when they are not even willing to take 5 minutes out to read something

i am trying so hard to get better but the more i try the worse i feel and having the doctor prescribe me diazepam so i could some sleep and feel calm for a few days was the last resort for me as i want to try other stuff first, but having had this for over a year now, i felt at the end of my tether

i better stop or i could go on :blush:

if anyone else knows of other stuff to try that would be very helpful

[Idstain]

Have you read claire weekes' books ? They are an absolute godsend and will explain what is happening with you and how to get better

[Lb23]

Hello, I found this thread 8 months ago and was so happy to find people who have experianced the same things. At the time I was suffering from lots of the things other people describe here. I felt like I had another person inside my head, shouting negative thoughts about my relationship with my boyfriend even though I was happy with him.

My previous relationship ended slowly and painfully, I felt very guilty for not ending it sooner. When I started seeing my current boyfriend suddenly all the guilt and aniexty re-appeared, even though it didn't seem to have anything to do with him. He was very supportive and persuaded me to go to the doctor. Something that I wouldn't have done by myself because I didn't think I had an illness. I went along and was referred to a Cognative Behavioural Therapist who diagnosed me with GAD. I also read Claire Weekes' book 'Self Help for Nervous Illnesses' which talked about lots of the same things as my counseller (although in parts is a little outdated) and was a great help.

When I first began the CBT it was very hard to see any light at the end of the tunnel, I felt like I didn't live in the world with other people. My mind never rested and I was exhusted from being constantly anxious and incredibly detached from other people (particularly my boyfriend). But as I've gone on with the course and started to recognise the symptoms of GAD my life has improved hugely. I can enjoy ordinary things again and live in the moment rather than constantly feeling sick and anxious.

I didn't want to post on this thread until I felt I could give other people hope that they could overcome the same problem. I'm not saying my anxiety is gone entirely, I still feel anixous sometimes but i'm able to manage it far better and recognise it for what it is.

It's improved to the extent that i'm moving in with my boyfriend and very excited to being doing so! I'm alert for the anxiety that will definately appear with this new challenge but I think I can deal with it. I would urge anyone with symptoms of anxiety to visit their Doctor and talk to people around you who you trust.

[Wolfy18]

Let me just say that it is a relief that the feeling that I am feeling right now is not what I thought it was. I am having the same exact problem right now and its really destroying me. I am slowly getting better but sometimes it feels like I dont even love him and as you said, the "what if?" questions pop up. Its really good to know that some of the people on here have had the same problem I am having and are still with and in love with the person they had a doubt about. My boyfriend is amazing and has stood by me during this, even when I told him that I didnt know if I loved him anymore. I know for a fact that I do but my brain is telling me I dont. I was reading these and now I know that what I am thinking is a complete figment of my imagination and hopefully I will get through it just like you all have. :)

[rosebud1984]

Hi guys. I just came back on here as my relationship anxiety has returned, and I was scanning through the posts, read the preview to this post, thought 'that sounds exactly like me', clicked on it & saw it was my original post from 2006 ha ha!! It's weird how this is a place we all return to when we slip up again. It seems that anxiety will never leave us completely - we can go for years feeling absolutely fine & then bam! It hits you again out of the blue. But I just want to let you know that despite my relationship anxiety returning there is a happy ending out there for all of us. Yes, you will get through it, yes I did I am happy to report!, & I know I will again. It actually made me cry to read some of my original posts from 2006, to see how helpless I felt. And I just want to share with everyone of you who was so supportive to me when I was so down that me & my bf are still together. In fact, he is now my husband!!! :) We got married last August :) So to those people who posted on here in the past year, wanting to know if you can get through it, the answer is yes you can. It will pass. You have to fight it. You have to never give up. You have to be pro-active in using anti-anxiety techniques & you have to be vigilant for those warning signs that tell you you're slipping down that spiral of anxiety and/or depression again. I do have anxiety again, hence why I found myself on here again, but I have gained a lot of hope just coming back on here & seeing how far I've come. I want this to be a post of hope, so I'll leave my current 'panics' to another time. It's made me smile being able to tell you guys that I did get through it & knowing that he's now my husband! It just goes to show that deep down we know our feelings are true & we should ignore those irrational thoughts that panic us so much. So never give up guys. That's how you beat it :)

xxx Rosebud xxx

[thomasg90]

Hello I have been suffering from anxiety with my biggest worry being everything relating to my girlfriend who I have been with for a year and a half now. She is perfect for me, I had been going through some tough things in life (lost my job and struggling on a college course) and she has made me happy and has changed everything in my life, I dont ever want to lose her, hurt her or let her down in any way.

I have been feeling all the feelings that you all have listed eg all the what if's, no sleeping, no eating and worst of all for me - doubting whether I love my girlfriend .. Which I know I do an undescribable amount. Im only 20 but we have a mature relationship and are both confident we are meant to be together, which at times makes me worry more incase I keep telling myself stupid things like we aren't meant to be together or something along those lines.

The worries seem to come and go whenever they feel like it. The other night they were so bad I had to wake my mum up at 3am to come and sit with me because I was worrying, crying and telling myself stupid things which are not true! Reminded me of when I was a little boy being sick through the night !!

My gf is an absoloute star and the last thing I want to do is ruin the perfect relationship we have. We have a perfect understanding of each other and always make each other happy. She has full time college aswell as working about 32-36 hours a week so this makes it hard to see her as much as I'd like even though we only live about 3 miles from each other.

I have been trying to fight these stupid thoughts, but after about a week I decided to have a look on websites to see if anyone else has these feelings and Im glad (as mean as it is) that some people feel the same!

I only discovered this week that my dad and cousin have had a bit of anxiety before over various things and that my nana had it quite bad in later life.

Reading these previous posts has made me feel better I think. I read that some people were having therapy, I am thinking about contacting my doctor about having this arranged for me.

The things Iv been experiencing are : vomiting, upset stomach, no apitite (when I manage to eat, not always kept down), no sleeping for days, no desire to be in the company of my friends (dont want to be on the phone to them or be in any sort of contact, which is strange for me), light headedness and panic attacks - finding it harder to breathe.

As a result of the anxiety I have missed a big chunk of important college work and a good few shifts at my part time job as I dont feel comfortable being at either of them. This adds to my thoughts and makes me worry further about stupid things. I know Im smart enough and will hopefully catch up this work as fast as possible.

As a result of being silly and worrying about my girl, I have been starting to stress about growing up such as losing people close to me, job prospects, families and so on. So so so stupid I know but im sure some people will understand that?

If anyone has anything to ask/say feel free the give me a private message or anything.

thanks
thomas

[mynameis]

Hi Thomas, I'm so sorry you are feeling like this. If you look through my previous posts, you'll probably notice it's a bit of a rollercoaster of despair then hope, then a step backwards, then forwards etc etc. You'll probably be disappointed to hear that it's unlikely to be a quick fix. However, it can be managed and pushed firmly into the background. I'd advise you to start at the very beginning in terms of trying to deal with it. As you've discovered, you're not alone. Next (if you haven't already), tell somebody, even if it's your GP. Try to ensure though that you have an understanding GP. I've had to resort to counselling where I am now, but it was much better than the CBT I underwent back in England. So, counselling can be useful, but again, only try to use a recommended therapist. Don't feel shame, you've seen the numbers here, and how many more are out there who don't know they're suffering with it ?

It's so tragic that this is happening to you while you are doing your college work, as distraction and occupying myself did wonders for me. With a part-time job and college work to do, it doesn't seem like you'll have much time to spare. You will develop your own coping skills in time, of that I'm sure. Some methods here may be easy to say, but not easy to do. But see what works for you, and take little steps. Even a change in routine might make a difference. My first counselling session taught me to do one thing a day differently, but just for myself. Instead of worrying constantly about other people, I put myself first for the first time in decades. I've got to admit, I worried at first that I was neglecting others, acting almost selfishly. Right now, I don't plan, I just do. Whether it's just calling in to see my wife at work, or dropping in to see a friend, or just simply stopping by a cafe for a cup of tea, I now don't have a routine. I'm not in that cycle of work, food, bed. Some nights, I don't even switch on the television. Not earth-shattering, but those little changes keeps my brain ticking over, and stops me falling into a rut.

All those things you feel are anxiety. With the right treatment, you can almost feel as if it isn't there. To do that, share with somebody hopw you feel. If you feel uncomfortable, talk about it in a 3rd person scenario to get some feedback from others. My very first coping mechanism was 3 things 1) Realise it won't kill me. 2) Understand that it will pass. 3) You will go back to normality.

If you do need medication, again there's no shame. Habit-forming tablets are a nightmare, but if there's no alternative, then so be it. Long serving members on this board will probably have been on these types of tablets, and no longer are. I'm one of them. We do what we have to do. After all, why suffer ?

I'm confident you'll get better, simply because you've reached the all-important first stage; admitting you've got a problem. It took me years to realise, and oh how I wish this board was here back then.

It's hard to be confident when you feel so fragile Thomas, but you've got a lot of things going for you. An understanding girlfriend and mother for starters, and at times like this, they're worth their weight in gold. There will be bad times, but believe me when I say there will be more good times. Good luck, and take comfort from the moderators on here. They've walked in your shoes and are now in a position to help people like you & I.

[lot84]

Hi,

It's such a relief to read this particular post. I've had anxiety for years now but it's recently come back worse than ever. Up until last week i've been really quite fine, still anxious but controllable then i woke up in the middle of the night with a massive panic attack. I was ok again then as I rationalised it and was relatively fine. A week later the best thing happened that i've been wishing for for years and my bf proposed. It was a complete shock as I wasn't expecting it but I was happy and said yes. Ever since though i've just started analysing every feeling that I have towards my bf - am I feeling happy enough about the proposal? do i love him enough? how much are you supposed to love someone to know your ready to get married? should i be arranging everything straight away or waiting? if i wait does this mean i don't love him?

Even reading this sounds ridiculous as I know I love him, we've been together for years and live together and i've never once doubted my feelings for him, he's always been the constant through all my ups and downs which is why I think i'm panicking so much. My friends are always so jealous because we get on so well and I never have any mixed feelings about him. All i've been saying for the last few years is how i'd love to marry him and properly settle down with him so why am I suddenly getting these intrusive thoughts?!

Sorry, i've gone on a bit but i've never had anxiety this bad - i'm not sleeping, can't eat and am trembling constantly because I can't get these bad feelings towards my boyfriend to go away even though I know there not how I really feel. It's bad as i'm now at the point of being in a constant state of panic and thinking that i'll have to leave him as it's not fair on him to be having these thoughts. It's making me cry just thinking about it.

As a bit of history, my biggest struggle has been intrusive thoughts but I thought i'd finally learnt how to deal with them with the 'it's just a silly thought' method. This one seems completely stuck though, I think it's because of the pressure of the marriage proposal perhaps as I feel that I have to be really happy right now which in turn makes it worse when I have a bad thought and i'm in a constant cycle of questioning.

Any advice would be appreciated - I just want to feel myself again.

[thereisalight]

Hi everyone,

What a relief it is to have found this website, this forum, and this thread!

I am in the same situation as all of you. I felt that I was looking down a big black hole of worry, stress, depression, that I was hurtling towards something I didn't want - breaking up with my fiance.

Okay, so this will be a long post, but it's all relevant, so grab a cup of tea and settle down...

I have been with my fiance for 5 years this month, and we have been engaged for a year. He is the only man I have ever been with. We have a wonderful relationship - he is everything that I have ever hoped for in a partner, and he makes me feel so loved and cared for every second of the day. We had a rocky start because there is a 19 year age gap between us (he's 46, I'm 27), which bothered my dad very much. My dad is only a year older than my partner. Anyway, we got past the hard times with my dad and things are wonderful. My partner was married previously and has 2 boys from his previous marriage. This used to make me very jealous and sad. How on earth could marriage the second time be as special for him? He had a vasectomy when he was married, and we have now booked a reversal operation in the hope we will be able to have our own child. I used to think that he would not be as excited to have a third child, and this made me feel very down. I have since got over these feelings and moved on, although it did take me a good four and a half years!

Last September, an old school friend of mine got in touch with me through Facebook. We had been friends when we were 14 and, back then, I'd had a huge crush on him. We would hang out, and swap books, but he never asked me out because I wasn't one of the pretty and cool girls - that was his type - but we were friends. When he got back in touch, he was very down. I asked what was wrong, and he said that he had testicular cancer, and a brain tumour. He also said that his girlfriend had just left him because she could no longer deal with his illness. I felt absolutely awful for him, and so we arranged to meet up. I'm a member of a choir, and I convinced him to join in an effort to cheer him up. We would meet before choir, go to the pub for tea and a chat, go to choir then we'd go our separate ways after. We only saw each other on choir days, but we did text each other a lot. Over time, his texts to me became more flirty, then suggestive. I do not remember actively flirting back, however I knew that by texting him I would at some point hear something from him that would make me feel good about myself. He told me he liked me, that he wished we could be together, that he should have never let me go at school. It got to the point where I thought I might actually like him back. I realised that I didn't, and so I told him that we were just friends, that I love my fiance and that the texting had to stop. My school friend then got very upset, said he loved me, videod himself singing lovesongs to me. Although the attention made me flattered, I never wanted anything more from him. It eventually stopped. I didn't tell my partner about it at the time because we have a view that to flirt is to cheat - I felt that I had cheated my fiance. Eventually, my schoolfriend gave me a cuddly toy and I had to tell my fiance that my friend had given me a toy because he liked me a bit - a very condensed version of the story, but I didn't want to hurt my fiance. Since then, my schoolfriend has moved to another county and his illness has gone away. (I also discovered along the way from a friend of his older brother that he was not telling the truth about being ill - he was making it up. I never confronted him about it, but when I asked him questions about his treatment he would get defensive and angry, which was proof enough for me he was lying.)

I thought that that was the end of it. But then, at the beginning of May, it came to hit me like a tonne of bricks again. I beat myself up over it for weeks - how wrong I had been to enjoy attention from another man, how wrong I was not to tell my fiance everything at first, how on earth could I have questioned I might want someone else. I told my fiance everything. He wasn't angry with me. He said that there is nothing wrong in asking your heart a question. He said that perhaps I should not have let the texting go on as long as I did (2-3 weeks), but that I've learned from that now. I searched for advice from friends who are in long-term relationships, and a friend of mine who has also only ever been with her boyfriend. They told me it is completely normal to find other people attractive, to have a bit of a flirt, to wonder about another person, as long as you don't want anything more to happen. My one friend called it her "Wild Oats" side! Even though I had been told I had done nothing wrong, and that I had been forgiven, I couldn't shake the feeling that I have done something so so wrong, as if I had actually had an affair. I came to realise that I was over-thinking the new friendship with my schoolfriend, that I needed to realise that it was just a friendship that was beginning to get out of hand, and not an affair, or even semi-affair.

Then, just as I thought that I was getting over it last week, I looked at my fiance and this thought just went through my head: "I don't love you". As simple as that. And then I felt as if my heart broke right inside my chest. My stomach turned, knotted. Each time I look at him I feel intense guilt. Guilt that I do not love him, that I do not deserve him, that I do not love him enough, guilt that I think I should leave him, guilt at how it would break his heart, guilt that if I stay with him he is not free to be with someone who truly loves him. I have been off work sick these past three days and sometimes it's all I can do to even look at a photograph of him, or his pyjamas lying on the bed! I feel as if I am hurtling towards breaking up with him, and I have all these imaginary conversations with him in my head where we do break up.

Now, I know that this is all wrong. I went to the doctors yesterday and have been prescribed Citalopram and counselling, which starts next Friday. I know that you cannot wake up one morning and suddenly be out of love with the man you have adored, worshipped for 5 years, if nothing has gone wrong between you. It is as if my brain will not let me forgive myself for the flirty friendship with my schoolfriend. My fiance hasn't changed, and the only thing that has changed in me is the fact that I feel like I am an adulterous cow for enjoying some attention from, and texting, another man and questioning whether I wanted more from him. These feelings of guilt have affected me physically as well as mentally. My mouth is always dry, so I drink lots of water and, inevitably, have to go to the loo lots, my stomach is always churning, sometimes it feels as if my heart absolutely races in my chest, my palms sweat, I struggle to take a proper breath, I get incredibly hot, I have trouble sleeping and I don't eat anything like I used to. I also no longer get enjoyment from the things I used to love, like going to choir.

There is a teeny tiny rational bit of my brain which gets to peep through now and again that tells me I have anxiety at the moment, that the feelings I am experiencing are not my genuine feelings, that it's as if there's a baddie in my head intent on ruining my life. I'm scared that this anxiety has centred itself on the thing I hold most precious in the world, and I want it to stop. I wonder if I feel that I deserve to be punished for my friendship and, because I haven't been, my body has devised this worry that I don't love my fiance enough as an ultimate punishment, which could, without being melodramatic, ruin my life.

I hope that you are all starting to get along a little better. I'll be back with a, hopefully positive, update soon!

:)

[worried 101]

Hi there. Just want to start by saying like many others I was so pleased to find this website and this particular forum, because it sums up my problems perfectly!I have been a very anxious person since I was very young and as I have got older its has escalated and become a very severe mixture of anxiety and depression. I regularly see my doctor and recently it got so bad that my doctor sent the 'crisis team' to my house to help me as she felt it was out of her depth and they have recommended that I up my medication to the highest it can go and also have refered me to the anxiety and depression service that the nhs provide, where I can get one to one sessions and hopefully work on my issues.I also feel that my anxiety is obsessing on my relationship,it felt like it came out of nowhere and no matter how much I try to ignore these thoughts they never seem to go.I have the most wonderful boyfriend, he is kind, funny, talented and basically everything I could ask for in a man and I love him more than anything, but still this doubt seems to creep in to my mind about the relationship. Like you, 'there is a light' my partner was previosuly married and has two lovely girls from this relationship and we also have quite an age gap of 11 years.(I'm 20 and he is 31). I can completely understand your feelings of your partner having done it all before and how it couldnt be as special and its made me so so jealous.My partner could tell me how this wasnt the case till he was blue in the face but I struggle to believe this, most likely because I have no confidence in myself at all. I always feel from the moment that I wake up to the moment that I go to sleep that I have this constant ache of anxiety and feel so bad for my boyfriend, he has been so supportive to me but when I see him I get so nervous because I'm scared of these horrible feelings I get, I feel like I have this voice in my head,my own voice but not me, feeding me all this negativity and doubt and it taking over my whole head to the point where I dont feel like I have control over my thoughts anymore, its so scary and sad and I hate it so much.I feel like whenever anything is good in my life my head trys to destroy it, like its happy when I'm not.I have had similar feelings like this before and managed to get over it, mainly when my partner became a little cooler towrads me because he was obviously feeling confused and hurt about what I had said and then I panicked that I would lose him and sort of snapped out of it.But alot has chnaged since then. we moved in together, maybe a little to fast and right now im staying at my parents to help give us a little space, mainly for him as I am very hard work right now and extremely up and down; with two little girls living there as well alot I would not want to put anything like that on them either it is not fair and they wouldnt understand.
I just wish so much that I could wake up and lose all this anxiety during my sleep, I cant remember the last time that I just felt 'OK'. I would like to say also to 'there is light' that I can also sympathise with your feeling of guilt, but i think it is definetly working overtime!Your partner and your friends are right,and you have to forgive yourself as really you have done nothing wrong.I really like you partners description of 'nothing wrong with asking your heart a question' and its very true. You sound like you have a very strong realtionship but continuing to punish yourself will not help you or your partner. But i know it much easier said than done to get rid of that horrible guilty feeling so perservere and I'm sure that over time you guilty feeling will heal. Basically I know theres no miracle cures for all this but I just thought id write to maybe help others in this situation not to feel alone and also if any one has any advice would love to hear from them.Hope that one day we can all beat this.