feeling so alone

[lett20]

Hi , I'm collette 28 year old female I have suffered with anxiety and panic attacks for about 10 years now I could go months at a time and feel fine but would then have a bad couple of weeks ...now since end April I have been suffering really badly with GAD , Health anxiety and panic so much so that myself and my 4 year old daughter had to move in with my mum .
Everyday has been a struggle not only do I have all the normal anxiety symptoms such as palpatations , dizziness , lightheaded , chest pain ect I am also suffering with very bad depersonalization ( well I think its that I feel like I'm trapped inside my head , like I'm not real like I'm living in a dream and just want to shout for help or to wake up ) I feel like I don't really know who I am anymore .
The doctors changed my.meds about 8 weeks ago and put me on venlafaxine and I was also seeing a psychologist but that hasn't helped , eveyday is just a struggle to get out of bed as I can't handle the way I feel , my family were quite supportive to start off with but today I found out that they have been talking about me behind my back .. my mum attended a weekly doctors apt with me today the doctor asked how the last week had been I replied that I was pleased with myself as the past 4 days I had made am effort to go out with my dad even if it was just around to his .. my mum then replied that her and my sisters thought different and they felt that I'm not making an effort and don't want to get better .. that has upset me more than they could imagine as more than anything I want my life back and to be able to be a proper mum . I feel like I am so alone now and don't know what to do .. please can somebody tell me if its right to feel this bad and can it get better x

[shocker 17]

hi collette iam in the same boat as u my family has done the same to me they think its in my head i suffer from very bad anxitey panic attacks iam on 30mg cit u are not alone when u r on this great forum

[lett20]

Sorry to hear u are suffering too xx

[shocker 17]

i have had anxitey all my life but it got really bad when i lost my mum to cancer 2 years ago i cant come to terms with it i loved my mum to bits we was really close

[m.elise]

I know it's hard to hear those things from your family. But I also know that it's hard on loved ones to see someone they love hurt so much. Does that make sense?

I'm glad to hear that you're having good days and are able to recognize it. :) Just keep focusing on those things and it will help turn more of your days into good ones.

Is there someone else that you'd be willing to talk to (as opposed to the psychiatrist that you saw)?

[cattia]

I am so sorry to hear that you're having this experience. I have had anxiety as bad as you describe, although thankfully when mine was that delibitating I didn't have children, so at least I only had myself to worry about. It sounds as though your mum does want to support you by having you living with her but perhaps she doesn't know how to help any more and is taking her frustration out on you. This doesn't excuse her attitude or make her right, but I think that people can't possibly fathom how you feel when you're that anxious and depressed unless they've been there themselves.I suppose to the outsider who can't see anything physically wrong with you, they just don't understand how sick and ill you really feel.
There are so many of us here who have felt this way and it can and does get better. You need to find a medication that works for you and if you haven't already, try to get some CBT or counselling. When you're as ill as you are you have to place a lot of your trust in other people to help you and when they say something hurtful like your mum did, it really knocks you for six because not only do you feel let down, you also feel you've lost the person you depend on to help. Just know though that you're not always going to need to depend on your mum the way you do now. Just keep your eyes focused on the little steps that you need to take one at a time to get better,and keep telling yourself that you're going to get your independence back soon enough. x

[lett20]

Thanks for all the replies , i am willing to do anything to get better but atm just dont feel like i can do it on my own .. I know it must be hard for my mum ect but just wish there was a way i could make them understand x

[london]

dont worry over people what do thay know
god bless