Jenny85
10-07-12, 09:55
Hi everyone,
I'm sorry for the fact that I'm about to spill my feelings out here, but I do not konow where else to turn.
I'm really in the pit and see no way out. I have a deep, horribly painful obsession with smoking cigarettes. It's all I think about. I feel like a junkie, I feel disgusting. I can't concentrate on work, on anything, I even can't think about going on the bus because it means I will have to go a short while without cigarettes. I had these feelings about 2 years ago when I tried to stop smoking and since then I'd managed to control them, with the help of citalopram, and smoke only about 5 a day, and none at weekends. I'd convinced myself that I only smoked Mon-Fri to deal with work stress and actually LOOKED FORWARD to the evenings and weekends when I would have no desire to smoke. Now I can't do that. A few months back I started to feel physical withdrawals from nicotine and panic starting at weekends and I just thought 'please God, no. I don't want to smoke at these times, these are my free, precious times.'
For a few weeks now, I've been smoking loads, maybe 20 a day. I can't sit still without one. My fiance hates me smoking, and I made him so upset when I chain-smoked this weekend. He says there must be another way to control my anxiety, but my anxiety revolves around cigarettes.
We've just moved into a beautiful house, but all I can think about is smoking. I can't eat, or go to my exercise classes. My work is suffering.
Last night I told my fiance I really needed to go out and buy cigarettes because I was having a panic attack. He was so kind, said it was OK. But then he just broke down and said he doesn't know if he's strong enough to live with me like this. We're getting married in October and he said last night that he doesn't know anymore if we should get married. I know he needs support too, but I don't know how to be strong enough for him. I feel terrible for putting him through this.
My GP has said she thinks this is all down to obsessive thinking, that if it wasn't smoking that was bothering me, it would be something else. She's changed my meds from citalopram to sertraline as she says this helps with obsessive thoughts, and referred me to a psychiatrist.
I feel like I need to stop smoking because it rules my life, but I can't face it. I just want the old, non-smoking, happy me back. I don't know how this happened. People have said try hypnosis or read Allen Carr's book, because it makes you think differently about cigarettes, but I don't feel anything would work, and I'd just be back on the fags soon after. I'm doing a PhD and can't face the stress of it without smoking.
I don't expect any answers, but please, please....any words of comfort, any similar experiences. I have nobody else to turn to.
Thanks for reading this.
I'm sorry for the fact that I'm about to spill my feelings out here, but I do not konow where else to turn.
I'm really in the pit and see no way out. I have a deep, horribly painful obsession with smoking cigarettes. It's all I think about. I feel like a junkie, I feel disgusting. I can't concentrate on work, on anything, I even can't think about going on the bus because it means I will have to go a short while without cigarettes. I had these feelings about 2 years ago when I tried to stop smoking and since then I'd managed to control them, with the help of citalopram, and smoke only about 5 a day, and none at weekends. I'd convinced myself that I only smoked Mon-Fri to deal with work stress and actually LOOKED FORWARD to the evenings and weekends when I would have no desire to smoke. Now I can't do that. A few months back I started to feel physical withdrawals from nicotine and panic starting at weekends and I just thought 'please God, no. I don't want to smoke at these times, these are my free, precious times.'
For a few weeks now, I've been smoking loads, maybe 20 a day. I can't sit still without one. My fiance hates me smoking, and I made him so upset when I chain-smoked this weekend. He says there must be another way to control my anxiety, but my anxiety revolves around cigarettes.
We've just moved into a beautiful house, but all I can think about is smoking. I can't eat, or go to my exercise classes. My work is suffering.
Last night I told my fiance I really needed to go out and buy cigarettes because I was having a panic attack. He was so kind, said it was OK. But then he just broke down and said he doesn't know if he's strong enough to live with me like this. We're getting married in October and he said last night that he doesn't know anymore if we should get married. I know he needs support too, but I don't know how to be strong enough for him. I feel terrible for putting him through this.
My GP has said she thinks this is all down to obsessive thinking, that if it wasn't smoking that was bothering me, it would be something else. She's changed my meds from citalopram to sertraline as she says this helps with obsessive thoughts, and referred me to a psychiatrist.
I feel like I need to stop smoking because it rules my life, but I can't face it. I just want the old, non-smoking, happy me back. I don't know how this happened. People have said try hypnosis or read Allen Carr's book, because it makes you think differently about cigarettes, but I don't feel anything would work, and I'd just be back on the fags soon after. I'm doing a PhD and can't face the stress of it without smoking.
I don't expect any answers, but please, please....any words of comfort, any similar experiences. I have nobody else to turn to.
Thanks for reading this.