View Full Version : My heart is breaking please help??

clear blue sky
10-07-12, 22:40
I managed to get pregnant on the copper coil (2% chance). Although unplanned and very unexpected my partner and I were over the moon. I had the coil removed and It was touch and go for baby as I had a high chance of miscarriage .

When I reached the safe zone 12 weeks I was over the moon. My happiness was short lived when I had a screening test for any disorders/abnormality's. My results came back that baby had 4.5 mm of fluid on the back of his/her neck which can indicate a problem. I stayed as positive as I could and then today I received a phone call from the hospital to inform me my blood test is also abnormal and I have been given today a 1 in 5 chance of my baby having down syndrome or another chromosome condition (Some of which will mean baby will not survive past a few days).

I was told a 1 in 5 risk is VERY high and I am having a amnio procedure first thing tomorrow which will confirm any abnormality's.

If abnormality is confirmed I will have to make the hardest choice of my life to continue the pregnancy or not.
I will base it on the quality of life my baby will have and not on whether I will cope or not because I would do anything in this world, give up everything for a baby that needed extra care and support.

The thought of having a termination terrifies me and I am beyond scared. My anxiety levels have rocketed and I feel on the verge of losing it.
I am 15 weeks pregnant.

Has anyone got a child with down syndrome? or know of someone with the condition. Has anyone been in this situation??? I'm terrified.

Thank you for reading any advice will be more than welcome


10-07-12, 22:56
I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. I really don't have anything to offer for help or reassurance, but you and your partner are in my prayers.

clear blue sky
10-07-12, 23:00
many thanks x

10-07-12, 23:17
Hey CBS, 1 in 5 is very high but it's not a foregone conclusion! In fact 20% chance means that there is EIGHTY PERCENT CHANCE the baby will be healthy! Try and stay strong and positive and take on as much information as possible from your doctor and other professionals who will do all they can to help regardless of what happens tomorrow.

Can't begin to imagine what it is like, but there are always people who have been there before who will be a great source of help and strength no doubt.

Wish you all the best of luck tomorrow - stay strong

10-07-12, 23:20
Hi a friend of mine has the same odds with her last pregnancy and was booked for a scan when she had the scan they saw she was carrying twins. They couldnt tell which twin was affected or whether both would be, she also has a brother with downs syndrom. She decided to keep the pregnancy and both babies were born perfect. That is just her story so dont give up hope yet, just deal with what you know now and go on and get all the information you need to make your decision. It really has to be your decision and not influenced by others because know matter how much people offer support it comes down to you on a day to day basis x I hope things turn out the best they can for you and you find the answers you are looking for. As far as coping goes just try to deal with each thing as it comes up and not predict too much and try and second guess. I wish you all the best xx

10-07-12, 23:20
P.S. I know someone who has aspergers syndrome, and I think though not sure this is a type of autism, as is down syndrome.

He is a really good friend of mine and one of the smartest, kindest people I know despite having difficulties with social skills. He has a degree and a well paid full time job. Could not meet a nicer person if I tried.

10-07-12, 23:28
My daughter as Aspergers and at cambridge university, however that is very different from Downs. My friends brother has downs and works in a garden centre and is happy but wait and see what you are dealing with first xx

clear blue sky
11-07-12, 00:02
Thank you mrmj, I needed reminding of that 80% chance all will be well as I am convincing myself its going to be a worst case scenario.
I have learned a lot in such a few days and I thought you had to be over 35 to have a child with downs , what a daft woman. I'm only 24 but my risk is lower than if I were older. I do need to keep positive and stay strong and I will get results by telephone Monday so its not like iv had to wait around for weeks (even though it feels like it).

I have great family and friends who will stick by me and give great support.
Rockydog that's good to hear of some positive outcomes I hope and pray I will get the all clear.

If it is downs I would want to go ahead as I know a lot of children /adults can have great quality of life (as your friends brother) its just sad that I will not know the severity of it and I don't want to bring a child into this world suffering. Jumping the gun again, Ill wait till Monday. I'm just trying to prepare myself for a decision I may have to make as I have no clue what I would do!!

I will keep the faith. Thanks for reply' s . Very much appreciated xx

11-07-12, 20:45
my son and daughter in law also had this, they had the amnio test and all was well. It is a very anxious time for you and I wish you the best of luck and hope all turns out well. They had a little girl who is perfectly healthy and now 5 years old, oh and four months ago they had twins, a boy and a girl.

12-07-12, 18:19
Hi, I am so sorry you are going through this stressful time. When my mother was pregnant with my sisters, they thought she had something such as this, but turned out to be twins instead. So don't give up hope! Please keep us posted.

clear blue sky
14-07-12, 10:02
Thank you it is just terrible :(. I am 4 months pregnant, already huge and had got soooo excited at being a mummy for the first time. I lost a baby before at 11 weeks so this is my second pregnancy.
I really thought this would be ok. I couldn't go through with the amnio on Wednesday I got all freaked out and had a huge panic attack and ran out the hospital!! :(.

I am going in this coming Tuesday to have it done, will get results on Thursday. Everyone in my family has lost all hope saying its too high a risk to be OK and trying to prepare me for what could come.

I am still keeping hope and praying for a miracle as I dont think I will ever get through having to have a termination at this stage in my pregnancy :(.

Thanks for all your support will update

14-07-12, 10:33
No one can tell you it will will be ok, but dont give up hope x My sister was told at 26 weeks her baby had something wrong and was offered a termination that late they said the babies head was too big and that there was something wrong with her stomach possibly her organs could be on the outside and she was unlikely to survive. My sister went on with the pregnancy expecting to not have a live baby at the end of it. She went into labour a month early and had about eight members of staff ready to take the baby. Jessica was only 4lb and her head did look a bit large, but was perfectly normal. What they picked up in the fluid was a reabsorbed twin that never developed. Jessicas head was actually normal but her body was small, as nature had made all nourishment go to her head. She is now perfectly normal and in proportion :)
But what you decide to do in the end needs to be only your decision(depending in what happens) as it is your lives and is very difficult for anyone to help you make that decision as they can say things that may influence you yet not live with it 24 hours a day :) I nearly had this decision to make myself but over the decision making weekend the pregnancy aborted its self (i contracted rubella) xx

clear blue sky
16-07-12, 00:30
Hey im sorry you lost a baby to :(. You never forget. Thats great to hear about your sister you all must have gone through hell!! but wow what a joy to have a lovely baby girl at the end of it!!

the last few days I have been carrying on as normal, and tonight right now Im feeling the anxiety creeping back up.

In 4 days I will know and the thing is im not sure I wanna know. I dont think I could bare to hear the words "Your baby wont make it". I already feel so connected to this baby on such a strong level. Its going to be devastating Im just praying and praying nothing else left to do :( x

---------- Post added at 00:29 ---------- Previous post was at 00:22 ----------

Am I wrong to have the amnio???? I do have a 1 in 5 chance. I guess its good to know what I am dealing with

---------- Post added at 00:30 ---------- Previous post was at 00:29 ----------

what if I cause a miscarriage ?

16-07-12, 00:53
CBS it must be so hard but it really is best to get it checked out and find out. The not knowing will probably be causing as much stress as if the results came back and were not good. It's like I said though the odds although high are still massively in favour of a healthy baby, if the results show anything else, there will be a lot of help at hand and you can prepare for whatever course of action you decide to take. Equally though if the results show a nice healthy baby as the odds suggest it will - you can start preparing too as I'm sure there will be a lot to prepare for!
Try and rationalise things as much as you can. Take a step back and say to yourself that there is a very high chance this baby will be healthy.
Wish you all the best! x

16-07-12, 18:28

Firstly, I'm really sorry to hear what you're going through at the moment.

Secondly, everyone is right! You really need to focus on the positive side of things, focus on the 80% chance and focus on the facts/statistics rather than your own opinion on things.

I notice that today is Monday, and you should be getting your results... So I wish you all the best and hope you can keep us posted!

All the best,

clear blue sky
17-07-12, 11:30
Freaked out last time I went to have amnio!! Had it done this morning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank god its over. Will get results next couple of days, fingers crossed will keep u all posted xxx many thanks

19-07-12, 09:00
hoping for the best x

clear blue sky
20-07-12, 12:22
Hey everyone :). Got my results this morning and my baby has downs syndrome. If I decide to terminate the process involves being induced into labour and giving birth to it. I don't think I would ever ever get over something like that and would wonder forever what could have been.

I don't want to bring a baby into this world who is going to suffer however I don't want to terminate a beautiful baby who could have a relatively good quality of life.

My heart is saying BE BRAVE and give it a chance and be the proud mummy of a downs syndrome baby who will no doubt fill my life with love. I think in this kind of situation for me letting things be what they will be is best.
Whether my baby has a short life or lives for a long time I will love it with every peace of my heart and soul.

On the negative side my partner has already said he would like to terminate and his whole family agree so I also risk losing him, but hey if I have been given a special gift of a baby with downs I somehow feel its my duty to give it all the care in the world.

Still A LOT of things to be thought. xx

20-07-12, 13:32
H i there what a difficult time for you x You are sounding quite positive so that is a good thing. I wish you all the best in what ever decision you make and hope you keep well. I am sure there will be a host of people out there and another community like this dealing with a similar situation to yours, so hopefully you will be able to gain advice and support from them for the future as well xx