Girl talk

[Wonderwoman]

Hi all,

Just wondering if anyone else is like me...............I get the usual pms symptoms that make me tired achey, teary, bad cramps on the first day and sore boobs for about a 10 days before hand etc.............but my anxiety is a lot worse in the 2 weeks after my period..........I feel really down and very anxious and then I feel better (anxiety wise) leading up to my period.

A lot of my anxiety is based on what to do with my future ie - whether to have kids or not (I am 37 and have been married for 12 years - I have never felt clucky but all my friends are having or had kids and I think somehting is wrong with me for not wanting them) and because of my age time is running out if thats what I decide to do - but then the thought of being pregnant and responsible for a child when I am so anxious all the time is absolutely terrifyng anyway.

Could it be my biological clock causing this and or hormones and or early menopause? I am not on the pill.

Thanks for reading and whilst I don't want anyone else to feel like this I am hoping someone can relate.

Sharon

[Dan]

hi
i do think hormones r related to anxiety read the post from mirry its about this also if decisions have to be made it can increase it
unfortunately only you and your hubby but ultimately you can decide wether to have a baby or not
i have a son but still feel frightened at the thought of having another
Dan

[JennyW]

I'm 39 and still have moody days [Sigh...] I find that for about a week after my period, I'm very "down" - that's when I worry the most, then just as that clears, my PM symptoms start so sometimes it feels like it's never ending.

Regarding the children. I've been with my husband for 10 years (married for 6 of them) and we have no desire to have children. I've never been maternal and sometimes think it's a bit of shame but that's all - I would certainly never have them because it's the done thing or "expected" of me - I have 3 brothers to carry on the family name :D

As Dan says, it's only a decision you can make, no-one else can tell you. After all no-one else will be bringing up your kids [^]

All my friends have had kids, and still having them now but it doesn't make me feel any different. i'm fit and healthy and could have try for one tomorrow but I don't think my instincts were ever there because I never dwell on what may have been or "if only". I think I missed out on that gene! [:P]

I'm sure that when or if the time is right, you'll know about it. Good luck.

[Wonderwoman]

Thank you for your replies,

You have both made me feel more "normal".....hahahaha......whatever that is.

I think because I have travelled a different path to most of my friends (travelling and living overseas) I feel guilty and a little left out for not having the normal responsibilities that most people have......mortgage, kids, 9-5 job etc etc.........and now that I have an anxiety disorder it confuses me.........the questions that go through my head are: Am I in denial? Am I lazy? Am I just scared of responsibility? I am still afftected by feeling abandoned by my parents?......etc etc

My normal/healthy childhood ended when my 11 yo brother died in a car accident when I was 13 and my mother became a violent, abusive alcoholic because she couldn't cope with losing a child (understandably) - my father has since devoted the last 24 years to caring for her and moving her back and forth from detox to hospital to back home for more binges and has had no time or energy for anyone else. I have no relationship with either of them other than keeping in touch and this of course breaks my heart. Both of them have health issues and haven't been friends or parents to my other brother or me for at least 20 years.

I constantly worry about them and have had so many phone calls to rush to the hospital and also goodbye phone calls from my mother saying she is going to kill herself over the past 24 years that I feel like I have been waiting for the one call like when my brother was killed to say that one or both of them have died.

I have tried to be a good daughter - supportive, caring and basically walking on eggshells and not making any waves or asking for any love support in return etc and since I have been living abroad (and the anxiety really took a hold) I feel really guilty and scared that I am not there for them and god forbid I might have to FLY home.

So getting back to the point I worry that because of my mothers grief at losing a child and then not being a mother to her other 2 children has left me a bit tainted about becoming a mother myself............fear of the same thing happening to me or pressure on myself to be the mother that mine isn't. There is also saddness that if I did have a child I wouldn't and the child wouldn't have any support or relationship with my parents. Then again maybe I am just not maternal...............so confusing.

My Husband doesn't really want children so there is no pressure from him luckily. He has been my rock and is all the family I really need.............and I do feel very lucky to have him.

Thank you again for reading and responding you have helped put some things into perspective for me - now I just have to trust my instincts and move forward with confidence and conviction in my decisions without feeling inadequate or scared......hahahaha..............if only it was that easy.

Sharon in Viet Nam.

[JennyW]

OMG Sharon - no wonder you feel the way you do. Hugs to you.

I'm sorry to hear about your brother and parents and can truly understand that your life has taken a different path. Mine did 2 years ago when I lost my father so can appreciate how you must feel when it happened to you at the age of 13.

You sound as if you're doing all you can with your parents and you mustn't continue to beat yourself up about it. The best thing you can do is to just let them know you are there you they need you or to talk to. As for the children side, you sound as if you and your husband are happy the way things are so perhaps just coast along for the time being and take the pressure off. You certainly don't want children just because you feel you should or because everyone else is having them - that would be for the wrong reasons then you would probably end up having a really tough time.

Let life take it's course for now and enjoy the company of your husband and try and enjoy your life. I'm sure you understand when I say "life is too short". I firmly believe our lives are mapped out and "what will be, will be".

Be kind to yourself [^]