is this the reason im like this? please read :-(

[sammie23]

Seriously can not carry on like this anymore. I could understand if I had a reason for feeling the way I do but I DONT! Im 26 married with 2 beautiful kids. My own home, car and money so why am I like this? I have gud friends n close to my family. Iv had anxciety for 6 years. Dont get me wrong iv had months of feeling great but without fail it always comes back. Im on 30mg citalopram and 40mg propranolol. These past couple of weeks my eyes have been playing up, always aware of my breathing, dizziness and bad headaches. WHY? I just feel like bursting into tears. I mean I'm NOT even thinking about my breathing. It just happens. I'm so fed up n it takes over my everyday life. I planned to go with my kids this afternoon but once again I'm stuck in thanks to stupid anxciety. Grrr. I feel Luke screaming. . I even feel like slapping myself across the face as hard as I can just to see if it will snap out of me. Growing up my dad was an alcoholic. He used to beat my mum which we saw and then when he moved out he was constantly ill and I spent my teenage years thinkin he was going to die :-( Then when I turned 12 I ended up being in a violent relationship. He would check my underwear all the time, bite me just alot of nasty stuff. Sorry I'm just saying all this to see if this is why u am the way I am :-( Also when I was 11 my discussting cousin put his hands in my knickers and I remember crying in bed scared praying my mum would come home. ( mum went out for days and left us on our own) Im a great mum and iv done really well for myself. Loving husband aswel. Will I always be like this? Wot next? Wot do I do :-(

---------- Post added at 13:06 ---------- Previous post was at 12:00 ----------

17 people have read my post and not a single reply :-(

[southey]

Hi, don't take this the wrong way but many people can't read solid walls of text in a post. It's best to try to break it up with spaces. That may be why no one has replied?

Sorry to hear you had a rough upbringing. Quite possibly it has had an effect on you and may have caused your anxiety.

Why anxiety keeps coming back I don't know but I think it's something that triggers it maybe even unconsciously and then it festers away until we start going down hill?

How do you deal with it? Well your on meds which is good. Have you ever tried talk therapy or CBT? Maybe asking for some Diazapam may be a good idea for days like today where the anxiety gets too much and prevents you from doing things?

Don't beat yourself up over how you feel. There are so, so many people who feel the same and often can't explain why they feel so. Accepting you have a problem with anxiety is the first step then working to overcome it follows.

I hope you can get more advice on how to get well again?

Steve:)

[Rach29]

Sorry your feeling the way you are anxietys a right pain isn't it its hard and yeah its possible that what's happened to you in your past is causing your anxiety now but the only way to beat this is pretending it not there keep busy and think positive, I also get the breathing thing its awful but its all anxiety when you feel bad do something anything no matter how scared you are do it nothing will happen don't give up you will win anxiety it just takes time x

[sammie23]

Thankyou both for the replys. Hate days like today :-S I suppose tomorrow is another day and I may feel great? X

[meche]

Hi Sammie - you were a huge help to me yesterday when I was having a bad day so just wanted to send big hugs :bighug1:.

I believe our past or whatever is happening in our lives can make us anxious - consciously or in my case subconsciously. I haven't been through the kind of trauma you have but things have happened in my life where at the time I thought I had dealt with a particular situation but in reality I was shutting a door on something I hadn't resolved mentally. It came to a head earlier this year when work was 'stressfully' busy, I was having relationship problems and then my cat died (may sound silly to some but I was devastated)!

Anyway, the important thing is not to dwell on what is/isn't causing your anxiety but how to fix it :shrug:. I wish I knew. For me personally, I keep myself as busy as possible and just take each day as it comes. Maybe you would benefit from CBT or some kind of councelling? I really hope tomorrow is a better day for you. Anxiety is so unpredictable. xx

[saab]

I would certainly think that your anxiety could come from having a traumatic childhood. You've had a lot to put up with, it would be amazing if you got through all that unscathed. Maybe it has left you with a constant sense of anxiety and uncertainty, not knowing what the future will bring. Even when we are in a supposedly good situation, anxiety can sneak up again. It just shows how deep seated these feeings are.

It's great that you have a supportive partner and family. I am sure that you would find counselling or cbt therapy useful. It helps you to let go of negative thoughts and ideas. There is a good book called The Worry Cure by Robert Leahy which is cbt based, and Stop Thinking Start Living by Richard Carlson is very good too. Anything by Dr Claire Weekes is always good too.

I hope you feel better soon.

[spuder]

hi just wanted to say how awful yr upbringing was. i have depression and anxiety a lovely child was with my husband but he couldnt stand my depression so he left but when i did have him we had a car home money abraod hols and still i was depressed. last yr we went disney world in florida to cheer me up but i was depressed to whole time when i came home i wanted to go bk and do it again i kept saying why was i like that i was in america where ive always wanted to go.

[sammie23]

Quick update. Just come back from the doctors over terrible headaches. He thinks it's my sinuses. Just away of fobbing off I think :-( All day iv had the worse pain on left side of my head near my eye ouch it's so painful :-(