Really stuck now

[danbryn]

I've done 12 sessions of cbt and I'm able to leave the house now with people.
Go places in my dads car and go for walks and into shops/supermarkets. My cbt sessions have finished now.

The only problem I'm having is, I cannot do any of this on my own, nor stay indoors on my own. I hate it. I cry most nights and I start thinking the worst about everything..

Ive tried walking a little bit and staying there, then doing more and more.
But every time I hit a wall and a panic attack happens or I call someone to come meet me.

Can someone give me a plan or some sort of strategy towards becoming independent please.

[PanchoGoz]

This is all part of exposure. It brings it back to real life when you realise this hurdle. Consider it as the last test of strength :)
You are doing all the right things, taking it a step at a time. That "wall" needs to be knocked down now. My idea would be to maybe get your friends to come with you part of the way if you haven't done that already, then leave you alone for longer periods of time. For example, them to take you to the shops and let you go in on your own while they wait outside. You can put time limits on things to make you feel better as well, being alone for extended periods of time, perhaps adding 10 minutes a day. Remember thought that when you are on your own is a great time to keep a diary of your thoughts and feelings and to observe yourself catastrophising and making negetive thoughts. You have the time to put things straight on your own, so bare that in mind when you are feeling down. If you cry in the night,you know you need to spend that time sleeping rather than letting yourself dwell on the bad. At night, things seem very out of proportion because 1 it is dark and scary, 2 your mind is very tired and 3 there are no distractions at night. Catch yourself thinking these bad thoughts at night, don't get on that train. Rather, shift your attention to listening to outside sounds or planning nice things for the day ahead :)

[dally]

I too had help from an occupational therapist who 'took' me on trains etc to extend my horizons (from agarophobia). Just getting to the clinic to meet her had me in such a state for days before the appointment.
When I look back, I can still remember the HORROR i felt but can appreciate how far ive come now.

The OT took me through each stage two or three times until I was confortable, but then quickly moved me on to a further challange further away from my home or comfort zone.

I can vividly remember standing at the station, getting on a train for the first time in 20 years!!! and I thought I would faint, collapse, wet myself, vomit, have diarrhoea, scream,. I was shaking , hot sweaty and very tearful. when the train was approaching, the OT said to me mabey we should try again next week. but I said no!!!

every nerve in my body was wanting to RUN (fight or flight) but I knew after 20 years I could no longer go backwards, I had to do it.
so I got on the train and was sooo glad it was almost empty, cos the tears were running down my face, and at least if I vomited it would be private instead of infront of a full carriage of people.
It WAS a nightmare but.... I didnt, faint, scream vomit or any of the other things I allowed my brain to think
And I did it again and again till I could do it with out the horror feelings.

So you can get better with the right help

I know there is time limits for each patient, but I have had help for nearly two years because I insisted. perhaps you could tell your doc you need more cbt help and see what he says.

You HAVE to keep practicing the exposure. with and without people to help you. Honestly, definitely do it if you are having a good day, and try your best to do even a little bit when you are having a not so good day, but DO IT.


good luck :D