jenimate
19-07-06, 08:43
Hullo, my name is Tracey, I am 36 years old, I have 4 kids aged between 8-16.
I suffer anxiety & panic, mostly health related I believe.
Lots has happened in my life, like most of us.
My Mum died when I was 15 & since then I have been 'on my own'.
I married at 19 in my quest to have that family feeling back...needless to say it didnt work out. We had 2 kids.
Divorced at 22.
Married again at 28 after having another 2 kids, that didnt last either.
I have a good relationship with my first ex & his wife, almost perfect infact.
Had a good relationship with 2nd ex, until he met a young girl, she had issues & her behaviour towards me left me feeling so bad that after 2 yrs I picked up my kids & life and moved 60 miles away.
Have set up a new life over the past year since we moved, everything is good.
I've had a few short relationships in between, one did last 2 years & that was the time my panics & anxiety started.
It was just over 3 years ago, which was 3 years after my 2nd marriage ended. The relationship wasn't really healthy, it brought lots of stress. I began to feel unwell, although ignored it.
After a weekend away with a friend who was getting married I was taken ill, rushed to hospital after a week was diagnosed with a stomach ulcer.
Two weeks after leaving hospial I suffered my first panic attack & that started 4 months of hell.
After ending up on beta blockers, valium & anti depressants, along with the medication for the ulcer I realised all the medication was magifying the panic. I weaned myself off the drugs and slowly beat the panic.
There were some really dark times during those 4 months but recovery took me about a year. I moved house in that time, thinking it would help. It did a little, but the trouble with the ex's girlfriend led me to moving right out of the area.
During the time we moved, I suffered a certain amount of panic, but survived that as I knew it wasa normal (for me) reaction to change.
Over the last year, we have successfully made a new life for ourselves, with lots of positives.
I have a lovely house, although taking a while for us to decorate it etc. I have found a fantastic job, kids have settled in school really well & made friends, joined clubs & really do a lot more than we ever did before, both as a family & on our own.
It was a gamble that paid off....my son stayed behind to finish his schooling & take his exams, he came home weekends & holidays etc.
He finally left school a few weeks ago & is here permantly.
So, I have a great life, family back together, financially I am getting us back on out feet, am making some greats friends, its all going well.
About 3 weeks ago I thought to myself...its going so well....kiss of death!!!
So I have unintentionally brought on the panics again.
I met a man 4 months ago, but again, its not been a healthy relationship, so I think a mixture of all the good stuff, my son leaving school, this man....you name....I have talked myself into this dark place again.
My older 2 went on the holiday of a lifetime 2 weeks ago, with their dad, the panic started a few days before they left. I 'took ill' afterfinding a lump in my groin, panicked for a few days, went to the doctor got the all clear, but it was too late..the anxiety was back & I know it will stay for a while & I have to get used to it, accept it & then get on with dealing with it.
The physical stuff is the worst, chest pains, heart thumping, fear sitting on my shoulder all the time, constant butterflies in my tummy, muscular pains in my legs, the runs, knots inside.
I accept I have talked myself in the anxiety again and know I have to talk myself out of it.
I have always refused to even look up panic on the net as it takes me back, but this time I have decided to confront these fears & have joined this forum as I am also aware I can't do it on my own.
I do feel better just for writing all this down, although the physical stuff is still sat inside.
I suffer anxiety & panic, mostly health related I believe.
Lots has happened in my life, like most of us.
My Mum died when I was 15 & since then I have been 'on my own'.
I married at 19 in my quest to have that family feeling back...needless to say it didnt work out. We had 2 kids.
Divorced at 22.
Married again at 28 after having another 2 kids, that didnt last either.
I have a good relationship with my first ex & his wife, almost perfect infact.
Had a good relationship with 2nd ex, until he met a young girl, she had issues & her behaviour towards me left me feeling so bad that after 2 yrs I picked up my kids & life and moved 60 miles away.
Have set up a new life over the past year since we moved, everything is good.
I've had a few short relationships in between, one did last 2 years & that was the time my panics & anxiety started.
It was just over 3 years ago, which was 3 years after my 2nd marriage ended. The relationship wasn't really healthy, it brought lots of stress. I began to feel unwell, although ignored it.
After a weekend away with a friend who was getting married I was taken ill, rushed to hospital after a week was diagnosed with a stomach ulcer.
Two weeks after leaving hospial I suffered my first panic attack & that started 4 months of hell.
After ending up on beta blockers, valium & anti depressants, along with the medication for the ulcer I realised all the medication was magifying the panic. I weaned myself off the drugs and slowly beat the panic.
There were some really dark times during those 4 months but recovery took me about a year. I moved house in that time, thinking it would help. It did a little, but the trouble with the ex's girlfriend led me to moving right out of the area.
During the time we moved, I suffered a certain amount of panic, but survived that as I knew it wasa normal (for me) reaction to change.
Over the last year, we have successfully made a new life for ourselves, with lots of positives.
I have a lovely house, although taking a while for us to decorate it etc. I have found a fantastic job, kids have settled in school really well & made friends, joined clubs & really do a lot more than we ever did before, both as a family & on our own.
It was a gamble that paid off....my son stayed behind to finish his schooling & take his exams, he came home weekends & holidays etc.
He finally left school a few weeks ago & is here permantly.
So, I have a great life, family back together, financially I am getting us back on out feet, am making some greats friends, its all going well.
About 3 weeks ago I thought to myself...its going so well....kiss of death!!!
So I have unintentionally brought on the panics again.
I met a man 4 months ago, but again, its not been a healthy relationship, so I think a mixture of all the good stuff, my son leaving school, this man....you name....I have talked myself into this dark place again.
My older 2 went on the holiday of a lifetime 2 weeks ago, with their dad, the panic started a few days before they left. I 'took ill' afterfinding a lump in my groin, panicked for a few days, went to the doctor got the all clear, but it was too late..the anxiety was back & I know it will stay for a while & I have to get used to it, accept it & then get on with dealing with it.
The physical stuff is the worst, chest pains, heart thumping, fear sitting on my shoulder all the time, constant butterflies in my tummy, muscular pains in my legs, the runs, knots inside.
I accept I have talked myself in the anxiety again and know I have to talk myself out of it.
I have always refused to even look up panic on the net as it takes me back, but this time I have decided to confront these fears & have joined this forum as I am also aware I can't do it on my own.
I do feel better just for writing all this down, although the physical stuff is still sat inside.