Sit2Know
18-07-12, 13:49
I started having panic attacks 45 years ago at age 19. No one knew what they were in those days so I became house bound for two years. Without any help I recovered and went on to get a doctorate in medical psychology. Went 20 years doing good then at age 42 another breakdown Xanax my first psyche drug and after only 4 weeks on it I had 26 months of hideous withdrawals.
Recovered again and life was good. 2004 lots of stress and I went down for 6 months popped back out and had a good 2 years. 2007 major medical diagnosis that scared the crap out of me and it turned out to be wrong but I was in an anxiety storm.
This past 5 years has been the worst ever so much for outgrowing your anxiety, as we age brain chemistry gets less resilient and life stresses take their toll. All of my previous recovery skills have not worked and I have been forced to dig deeper and deeper.
Even with 45 years of anxiety experience I had no idea it could get this bad. I am tortured 24/7 and only sleep about 3 hours a night. I dont have panic or even severe anxiety this time it is 75 physical symptoms that totally disable me. Anxiety is still there but it has taken a back seat to somatization of the hell. My days and nights are white knuckle survival and most of the time I wish this disorder was terminal so I could rest.
As a veteran of this and looking at what I did wrong here is my wisdom for younger people. We were born with sensitive nervous systems (but not anxiety) lifetime and especially childhood stresses create what is called allostatic load enough load and a sensitive nervous system goes past the threshold into overload. Anxiety is the nervous system message that it has reached that point.
We need to be mindful the rest of our lives of how much stress we are under both good and bad. Much of my stress was good lots of travel, moving to exciting new places but it is all stress to the CNS. Second we need to learn and PRACTICE stress reduction skills we need to eat a nutrient rich diet with no chemicals or junk exercise daily meditate and do skilled relaxation daily find a spiritual center stop all addictions (including non chemical) work through maladaptive behaviors and thought processes make sure all our relationships are healthy and supportive and most of all accept that we are people with special care needs and not try to run with the pack and be like everyone else.
Unfortunately I had 90% of these under control and I still crashed. Anxiety prevention and recovery is complex and not doing self care and the work or only dabbling can cause us to crash. I have dozens of friends with anxiety and have known many for over 30 years. We all agree that as we age the potential for this to get worse increases. Google Allostatic Load to understand why. Also as we age the neurotransmitter GABA that controls anxiety is reduced and out bodies are just plain tired of the internal stress of anxiety.
It took 100% effort to recover in the past this time I am at 1,000% and still struggling at 64 years old this is hell. What I have learned this time I will take with me the rest of my life and may never have another breakdown. At this senior age I am finally getting it that I have to live differently and I have to be mindful of my inner self messages and not just use my head to decide how to live.
And most of all I have to never get complacent again - stop my work and think I am fixed and it can never return
Recovered again and life was good. 2004 lots of stress and I went down for 6 months popped back out and had a good 2 years. 2007 major medical diagnosis that scared the crap out of me and it turned out to be wrong but I was in an anxiety storm.
This past 5 years has been the worst ever so much for outgrowing your anxiety, as we age brain chemistry gets less resilient and life stresses take their toll. All of my previous recovery skills have not worked and I have been forced to dig deeper and deeper.
Even with 45 years of anxiety experience I had no idea it could get this bad. I am tortured 24/7 and only sleep about 3 hours a night. I dont have panic or even severe anxiety this time it is 75 physical symptoms that totally disable me. Anxiety is still there but it has taken a back seat to somatization of the hell. My days and nights are white knuckle survival and most of the time I wish this disorder was terminal so I could rest.
As a veteran of this and looking at what I did wrong here is my wisdom for younger people. We were born with sensitive nervous systems (but not anxiety) lifetime and especially childhood stresses create what is called allostatic load enough load and a sensitive nervous system goes past the threshold into overload. Anxiety is the nervous system message that it has reached that point.
We need to be mindful the rest of our lives of how much stress we are under both good and bad. Much of my stress was good lots of travel, moving to exciting new places but it is all stress to the CNS. Second we need to learn and PRACTICE stress reduction skills we need to eat a nutrient rich diet with no chemicals or junk exercise daily meditate and do skilled relaxation daily find a spiritual center stop all addictions (including non chemical) work through maladaptive behaviors and thought processes make sure all our relationships are healthy and supportive and most of all accept that we are people with special care needs and not try to run with the pack and be like everyone else.
Unfortunately I had 90% of these under control and I still crashed. Anxiety prevention and recovery is complex and not doing self care and the work or only dabbling can cause us to crash. I have dozens of friends with anxiety and have known many for over 30 years. We all agree that as we age the potential for this to get worse increases. Google Allostatic Load to understand why. Also as we age the neurotransmitter GABA that controls anxiety is reduced and out bodies are just plain tired of the internal stress of anxiety.
It took 100% effort to recover in the past this time I am at 1,000% and still struggling at 64 years old this is hell. What I have learned this time I will take with me the rest of my life and may never have another breakdown. At this senior age I am finally getting it that I have to live differently and I have to be mindful of my inner self messages and not just use my head to decide how to live.
And most of all I have to never get complacent again - stop my work and think I am fixed and it can never return