lauz_lea
18-07-12, 21:50
Well, after a rocky few months going back on my old med, swapping meds, then going med free for a while, and then on to Citalopram and Propanolol, I think I may finally be going in the right direction.
It's hard to identify exactly what I suffer with, but certainly degrees of anxiety, depression, OCD (thoughts of all kinds but not so much compulsions), DP & DR, and I'd successfully been on 10mg of paroxetine (Seroxat) for many years with huge success - hindsight is a wonder thing and if I knew that such suffering would have followed withdrawal (18mths ago), I would have ignored my GP and stayed on it. However, I cannot change the past, only learn from it, and I certainly have.
I'm reacting and responding well to cit. I started on 10mg for about 6 weeks and it worked wonders for lifting the depression and combined with 80mg slow release propanolol lifted the anx too, with only very slight side effects. On only 10mg, progress was slow, but following my reactions to increasing other meds, I was scared to increase the cit, but I have (20mg/10mg every other day combo) and over the last couple of weeks there have been more improvements, although very gradual, so much so infact that sometimes I have to remind myself of all things I'm NOT doing anymore:
1) Checking my pulse 100 times a day
2) Being convinced that every headache is a "you know what" etc
3) Vomiting/retching EVERY day
4) Waking up and getting up at 4am
5) Chain smoking
6) Checking in to NMP constantly - if I wasn't on my laptop I had it open on my phone - it felt like I had everyone here with me all the time.
The list goes on and on and I'm sure many of you can relate, so I won't bore you all with listing everything, but I never kept a diary, or posted on NMP constantly (like I used to), because I over analyse and obsess when I do.
Just a few weeks/months ago I had become agoraphobic and barely left the house for a fortnight, and for months I never left my "comfort zone" when I did go out, but now, I'm back at work full time and constantly bugging my husband about what we're going to be doing at the weekend - I WANT to go places, I WANT to do things, I want to have as many adventures and new experiences as possible - but SOMETIMES, I still want to hide, and that's ok too.
I'm hoping the improvements will continue, I'm sure they will cause it's still early days. I was so convinced that cit wouldn't work before I started taking it that I'm very pleasantly suprised. It hasn't been quite the sudden/overnight "fix" that I had a few weeks into paroxetine the first time I took it, but it's a different med afterall.
A few things still continue to concern me - hair and weight loss being my main worries. My weight is still dropping (over 2st now) despite my appetite returning, but that's being looked in to and I have some scans this weekend so hopefully that will rule out anything serious, however my metabolism has definately increased, and so has my toilet roll purchasing if you get my meaning, so it could just be that. Not sure what's going on with my hair, it's not falling out in clumps or anything, but I'm definately losing more than normal. In all though, those things are a small price to pay for feeling mentally stable and I'm sure they'll sort themselves out.
For those suffering so badly, they think there's no light at the end of the tunnel, or that you'll never get better, just read through some of my old posts, I was where you are (and not for the first time in my life), but I KNEW I would be writing one of these positive posts one day instead of just reading everyone elses and wishing it was me.
For every day we suffer, there's a day of joy coming our way so tally up your bad days and see how much joy is yet to come. I'll be making that my new signature if I can figure out how to do it.
Keep going, no matter what, and no matter how hard it is - for me, there has never been any question about an alternative option, the only way out is through.
---------- Post added at 21:50 ---------- Previous post was at 21:31 ----------
AND A MASSIVE THANKS TO EVERYONE ON HERE - YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE AND THERE ARE TOO MANY NAMES TO MENTION, SOME ARE STILL HERE REGULARLY, OTHERS HAVE MOVED FORWARD, BUT I'M THANKFUL TO HAVE HAD YOU ALL THERE OFFERING SUPPORT, HUMOUR, WISDOM AND YOUR EXPERIENCES :bighug1:
It's hard to identify exactly what I suffer with, but certainly degrees of anxiety, depression, OCD (thoughts of all kinds but not so much compulsions), DP & DR, and I'd successfully been on 10mg of paroxetine (Seroxat) for many years with huge success - hindsight is a wonder thing and if I knew that such suffering would have followed withdrawal (18mths ago), I would have ignored my GP and stayed on it. However, I cannot change the past, only learn from it, and I certainly have.
I'm reacting and responding well to cit. I started on 10mg for about 6 weeks and it worked wonders for lifting the depression and combined with 80mg slow release propanolol lifted the anx too, with only very slight side effects. On only 10mg, progress was slow, but following my reactions to increasing other meds, I was scared to increase the cit, but I have (20mg/10mg every other day combo) and over the last couple of weeks there have been more improvements, although very gradual, so much so infact that sometimes I have to remind myself of all things I'm NOT doing anymore:
1) Checking my pulse 100 times a day
2) Being convinced that every headache is a "you know what" etc
3) Vomiting/retching EVERY day
4) Waking up and getting up at 4am
5) Chain smoking
6) Checking in to NMP constantly - if I wasn't on my laptop I had it open on my phone - it felt like I had everyone here with me all the time.
The list goes on and on and I'm sure many of you can relate, so I won't bore you all with listing everything, but I never kept a diary, or posted on NMP constantly (like I used to), because I over analyse and obsess when I do.
Just a few weeks/months ago I had become agoraphobic and barely left the house for a fortnight, and for months I never left my "comfort zone" when I did go out, but now, I'm back at work full time and constantly bugging my husband about what we're going to be doing at the weekend - I WANT to go places, I WANT to do things, I want to have as many adventures and new experiences as possible - but SOMETIMES, I still want to hide, and that's ok too.
I'm hoping the improvements will continue, I'm sure they will cause it's still early days. I was so convinced that cit wouldn't work before I started taking it that I'm very pleasantly suprised. It hasn't been quite the sudden/overnight "fix" that I had a few weeks into paroxetine the first time I took it, but it's a different med afterall.
A few things still continue to concern me - hair and weight loss being my main worries. My weight is still dropping (over 2st now) despite my appetite returning, but that's being looked in to and I have some scans this weekend so hopefully that will rule out anything serious, however my metabolism has definately increased, and so has my toilet roll purchasing if you get my meaning, so it could just be that. Not sure what's going on with my hair, it's not falling out in clumps or anything, but I'm definately losing more than normal. In all though, those things are a small price to pay for feeling mentally stable and I'm sure they'll sort themselves out.
For those suffering so badly, they think there's no light at the end of the tunnel, or that you'll never get better, just read through some of my old posts, I was where you are (and not for the first time in my life), but I KNEW I would be writing one of these positive posts one day instead of just reading everyone elses and wishing it was me.
For every day we suffer, there's a day of joy coming our way so tally up your bad days and see how much joy is yet to come. I'll be making that my new signature if I can figure out how to do it.
Keep going, no matter what, and no matter how hard it is - for me, there has never been any question about an alternative option, the only way out is through.
---------- Post added at 21:50 ---------- Previous post was at 21:31 ----------
AND A MASSIVE THANKS TO EVERYONE ON HERE - YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE AND THERE ARE TOO MANY NAMES TO MENTION, SOME ARE STILL HERE REGULARLY, OTHERS HAVE MOVED FORWARD, BUT I'M THANKFUL TO HAVE HAD YOU ALL THERE OFFERING SUPPORT, HUMOUR, WISDOM AND YOUR EXPERIENCES :bighug1: