Dont know what to do :(

[Worrier01]

Hey NMP Peeps

Wasnt sure where to put this ;/

Im 19 now and am just finishing 6th Form here in England.

Throughout Secondary school i was bullied quite alot for 5 years, at the time i was wondering why people were bullying me etc and even got a nasty comment when my dad died.

I realise now wasnt the cleanest person so to speak , didnt look after myself well all the time and had greasy hair sometimes, partially yellow teeth and prob stunk too and still is in effect (but not as bad) today

I keep telling myself it is wrong and that i should look after myself etc but thoughts of the past and other stupid things distract me from it and i go back into my depressed state.

I have done quite a few stupid things in my past like breaking my perfectly working Ipod 2G 8GB for no reason because i got bored.

Things like that i really should get over and which ive already learnt from and other places ive wasted money and made mistakes etc

But i keep thinking these thoughts every day and when they creep into my mind i cant focus on anything else and i struggle to sleep at night often because these thoughts are in my head

Doesnt help that ive got the added pressure of looking for a job from my mum , i mean i know everyone goes through looking for a job but with all these things before hand it just depresses me with other thoughts

Please help

Cheers

A

[Jsp]

I'm sorry to hear everything that you've been going through. I'm at college at the moment and I don't really speak to anyone there, so I know it can be tough and lonely.

Have you seen your doc about how you feel?

[BobbyDog]

Did you go for bereavement counselling when you lost your Dad? If not speak to your doctor about it. If you have not had CBT that would also be a way forward. You can then address these problems. My son had difficulties when he lost his Granddad and was also bullied at school and in the village that we used to live in. He benefited greatly from bereavement counselling and also CBT.

[Tessar]

Worrier, bullies are not nice people and the reasons they decide to pick on people, are immaterial. they are weak & use others to boost their ego's. its horrible to think they even used the situation with your dad to pick on you. just reading that makes me feel angry towards them.
its possible your boredom is born out of frustration & depression. there's going to be anger in there too; thus why you are breaking things (especially things that you probably dont want to damage). it can be really hard to control your feelings & they need an outlet to stop them building up.
for anyone finding a job is difficult. even people who have job hunted before would find it difficult. there are some really good websites with tips for interviews, job searching etc. try searching google on "cv and interview tips". these are worth reading. i used to work in an recruitment agency and know first hand how hard job hunting is so try not to become disheartened.
Watch out for "must, should, ought" and try instead asking yourself "do i want to" or "do i need to". this is something i learned in cbt and it's helped me lots. there are many brilliant tips you could learn from a therapist or counsellor. you could discover some very helpful habits that will make your life much more satisfying and enjoyable. ultimately more fulfilling too.
i'm sure you'll find everyone here very helpful and i hope my little essay is of some use too!