View Full Version : My partners deep anxiety and depression for our child

19-07-12, 11:23
I am looking for some kind of hope really. I am so heartbroken, distressed and looking for positives to come out of this mess.
My partner Dave, of 3 yrs suffers deep anxiety when it comes to babies. We have a 5month old son and was due to marry in 3months time which has all been cancelled. Dave started getting panic attacks as soon as our son was born, he cried in my arms days after the birth scared he couldn't do it or be a good father. I reassured him he was already doing it and doing great! We have plodded along since then. We have an amazing relationship, just get on great and very much in love. Until about a month ago his mental state starting really going downhill. He was tired all the time, having chest pains, back and forth to the hospital with these heart problems, couldn't sleep, feelings of guilt, taking beta blockers for migraines and heart, withdrawn and quiet but assured me his love for me was never in doubt, then 2 days later he went to work and never came home. He has been sleeping on his mums sofa the last 2 weeks, he is now on strong anti depressants from his GP and sedatives to help him sleep. He has been given Cognitive behavioural therapy and is attending 3 times a week (2nd session tonight) He took a small step by coming to visit me and our son for 2 hours last night and is coming again Saturday to spend a few hours together and paint the nursery for the baby. He said maybe next week we could have an evening alone.. this gives me hope but I can't shake the fear his loving feelings for me won't return. At the moment he says the home he just connects with negatives thoughts and feelings and doesn't feel love for anyone or anything and if he could he would throw his phone in a river and run away :-( I'm so sad, I want my wonderful, loyal, loving, romantic man back

19-07-12, 11:48
Hi, it's very common with anxiety and depression to have no feelings for anyone or anything. I've felt the same. Rest assured its part of the illness and I'm sure his feelings will resurface. Just support him as much as you can. I'm sure it's not an easy time for you, with a baby and all this too. Make sure you get support too at this time. Hopefully with therapy etc he's having you'll all be together soon.

18-10-12, 18:02
Hi miss,

Your story is very similar to mine and im in the same position as your husband. My partner had a very difficult birth, 4 failed epidurals and I found it very upsetting as I was totally helpless.

I had my first panic attack whilst looking after my daughter. This was about 12 weeks or so ago since then my anxiety has grown and grown - "am I a good dad" "what if something happens to her". As im signed off work currently I feel down as I should be the "provider" (in an old fashioned sense).

Hows yours partner getting on now?

19-10-12, 15:11
I know it is hard to look after a baby and your partner who is having difficulties right now. But support your husband with all your might because the love and support he gathers from his own family will surely help him cope up. When my husband was in depression 2 years ago, I always listen to what he says when I got home from work. Also, always pray that everything will be alright for your family.

18-12-12, 11:34
Hi, my heart goes out to you! I suffer with crippling anxiety so, I'm not gonna say - tell him to pull his socks up BUT, as a mum of 2, I feel for you. You are very much susceptible to depression yourself, as every women who has a baby is. Support him & pull together but, don't let months and months pass by because, what worries me is your health and well being, your the one coping with the baby as well as yourself & this situation. Having said that i know you cant put a time on depression or anxiety, but this is one of those situations that in my opinion, cant be left and left without some kind of resolution! You as a mum could start questioning your abilities as a mother etc , just like your partner! In the next coming months it's vital that you both pull together and support each other because it's very lonely and isolating being left to care for a baby. Also for the babies sake, its important. I really hope your partner does recover. My thoughts are with you. Take good care of yourself :hugs: