vinnievince
20-07-12, 05:11
Hi everyone,
Didnt write in a long time.
I had a diagnostic of somatoform disorder recently, in fact my anxiety is all related to my physical symptoms.
My symptoms are worse and worse each week and my anxiety level is at 20 on 10...really its hard to live, as soon as I get up in the morning the chronic headache hit me, my heart beat very fast and loud, I have intestinal pain all the time, im dizzy and have drops of blood pressure all the time...anxiety is always related to the physical symtptoms I have and I have a lot of them...
Each morning when I open my eyes I have to face another day full of fears and pain and I have no energy at all to face all those fears, symptoms and anxiety, im exhausted, irritable, cant enjoy anything even cant watch a movie and relax. Going out of the house only to the grocery is like going to china for a long trip, only taking a shower is for me like running a marrathon...everything make me tired and anxious...
Since last october, my health anxiety is even worse cause of my intestine who stop working and had 2 complete intestinal obstruction and 2 surgeries in 1 week and 4 months of enteral feeding with a jejunostomy tube connected into the small intestine...I cant eat a lot of solid foods and im constipated, I cant gain weight and im afraid to have again an intestinal obstruction so I dont eat a lot and apply a hot pad on my belly cause of the horrible pain I feel inside my intestine all the time. Of course I saw a Gastro Doc and had a colonoscopy test who show nothing wrong and had a gastroscopy test who show nothing wrong either, the Gastro Doc dont know why I cant digest the foods and why I cant have a normal bowel movement without taking laxative everyday...
Same thing for my heart, I feel it beating hard and irregular in my chest all the time, have chronic chest pain, dilated veins everywhere on my body (not linked to a lack of fluids, I drink a lot of water), I have orthostatic hypotension, tachycardya episode everyday, cant exercise cause my heart start going crazy each time, in fact everything physical make my heart and heart symptoms worse...
Last thing is the chronic headache with the jaw pain. I getf up with that bad headache everyday, take some painkillers, try to use them at low dose only and Ibuprofen, naproxen or tylenol only nothing with caffein inside (cant stand the anxiety from the caffein so no coffee for me , no energy drink and even no chocolate). I have an appointment with a Neurologist in October but its seem far away fron now and dont know how I will survive until then. Nothing work to decrease the pain, sometimes its only dull pain from a tension headache, most of the time in the evening the tension headache transform to a migraine with pulsating pain and its always worse when I strain. That headache also hit more the forehead, temples and bak of my head...also my jaw hurt all the time...
Wasnt aware about the somatoform disorder before last june...read it from my PDoc report...also have panic with agoraphobia,.social anxiety and gad...im also addictfed to benzo meds , clonazepam, try to lower my dose gradually was at 8 mg in june and now at 7.25mg day...I try to take more beta blocker insistead of the benzo when I feeel that my heart start going crazy but I tend to take the clonazepam on purpose when I have to do something who can trigger a panic and take it every 2 hours in small dose...
Anyway, I dont know what to do...therapy dont help and aree expensive, and cant pay for it cause Im disable from work. Im tired to feel sick and tired to not being able to live a normal life and enjoy it like in the past. Now I dont live, I only survive and always fear of dying even if I know that we will all die, thats life...
Im the only one here to live a life like that, full of physical symptoms, also the only one who cannot do anything else than think about the symptoms and anxiety and not being able to enjoy anything in the life or just go somewhere without being afraid about having a heart attack or a stroke cause of the bad headache?
Also, someone else have a somatoform disorder or a conversion disorder? I mean leaving a lot of physical symptoms and being in pain but no Docs cant find a real health problem?
Thanks to read that, I feel alone sometimes and im so tired of this life, tired to live a life as a sick person, I want to be normal again and dont care about anything...
Didnt write in a long time.
I had a diagnostic of somatoform disorder recently, in fact my anxiety is all related to my physical symptoms.
My symptoms are worse and worse each week and my anxiety level is at 20 on 10...really its hard to live, as soon as I get up in the morning the chronic headache hit me, my heart beat very fast and loud, I have intestinal pain all the time, im dizzy and have drops of blood pressure all the time...anxiety is always related to the physical symtptoms I have and I have a lot of them...
Each morning when I open my eyes I have to face another day full of fears and pain and I have no energy at all to face all those fears, symptoms and anxiety, im exhausted, irritable, cant enjoy anything even cant watch a movie and relax. Going out of the house only to the grocery is like going to china for a long trip, only taking a shower is for me like running a marrathon...everything make me tired and anxious...
Since last october, my health anxiety is even worse cause of my intestine who stop working and had 2 complete intestinal obstruction and 2 surgeries in 1 week and 4 months of enteral feeding with a jejunostomy tube connected into the small intestine...I cant eat a lot of solid foods and im constipated, I cant gain weight and im afraid to have again an intestinal obstruction so I dont eat a lot and apply a hot pad on my belly cause of the horrible pain I feel inside my intestine all the time. Of course I saw a Gastro Doc and had a colonoscopy test who show nothing wrong and had a gastroscopy test who show nothing wrong either, the Gastro Doc dont know why I cant digest the foods and why I cant have a normal bowel movement without taking laxative everyday...
Same thing for my heart, I feel it beating hard and irregular in my chest all the time, have chronic chest pain, dilated veins everywhere on my body (not linked to a lack of fluids, I drink a lot of water), I have orthostatic hypotension, tachycardya episode everyday, cant exercise cause my heart start going crazy each time, in fact everything physical make my heart and heart symptoms worse...
Last thing is the chronic headache with the jaw pain. I getf up with that bad headache everyday, take some painkillers, try to use them at low dose only and Ibuprofen, naproxen or tylenol only nothing with caffein inside (cant stand the anxiety from the caffein so no coffee for me , no energy drink and even no chocolate). I have an appointment with a Neurologist in October but its seem far away fron now and dont know how I will survive until then. Nothing work to decrease the pain, sometimes its only dull pain from a tension headache, most of the time in the evening the tension headache transform to a migraine with pulsating pain and its always worse when I strain. That headache also hit more the forehead, temples and bak of my head...also my jaw hurt all the time...
Wasnt aware about the somatoform disorder before last june...read it from my PDoc report...also have panic with agoraphobia,.social anxiety and gad...im also addictfed to benzo meds , clonazepam, try to lower my dose gradually was at 8 mg in june and now at 7.25mg day...I try to take more beta blocker insistead of the benzo when I feeel that my heart start going crazy but I tend to take the clonazepam on purpose when I have to do something who can trigger a panic and take it every 2 hours in small dose...
Anyway, I dont know what to do...therapy dont help and aree expensive, and cant pay for it cause Im disable from work. Im tired to feel sick and tired to not being able to live a normal life and enjoy it like in the past. Now I dont live, I only survive and always fear of dying even if I know that we will all die, thats life...
Im the only one here to live a life like that, full of physical symptoms, also the only one who cannot do anything else than think about the symptoms and anxiety and not being able to enjoy anything in the life or just go somewhere without being afraid about having a heart attack or a stroke cause of the bad headache?
Also, someone else have a somatoform disorder or a conversion disorder? I mean leaving a lot of physical symptoms and being in pain but no Docs cant find a real health problem?
Thanks to read that, I feel alone sometimes and im so tired of this life, tired to live a life as a sick person, I want to be normal again and dont care about anything...