cally24
22-07-12, 20:30
And already I'm stressing about going back to work! I'm a fairly new teacher who has already had a pretty rough year (various poor observations, poor behaviour from the pupils, increasing pressure from the top). I was hoping to switch off but now I've got myself in a state over the activities I've planned over the next 6 weeks. Unbelievably, I'm not happy with when I've planned to visit my parents, when I come back I'll have 2 weeks left of the holidays - I mean TWO weeks! I'm so lucky to have a job that gives me so much time off in the summer, yet I'm worrying about coming back and only having a couple of weeks? How ridiculous is this?
I think I know why I'm so worried, I'm expecting the work anxiety to return in full blow near to the end of the holidays and I don't like how it feels. I was a mess before returning to work after Christmas, I got on top of it later in the year but only because the performance management cycle had finished and I looked like I was back on track. But then OFSTED came in and I got it wrong again. I'm back on a support plan (which sounds good but it was not a nice experience) and the pressure of the job has returned. I know that the new year will bring fresh challenges, a busy timetable and higher expectations. If I'm honest, I don't know if I can do it this time. I'm very driven, I want to be the best, and I didn't take time off all last year, but right now I wish I could just stay off forever. These feelings returned towards the end of the year, I was miserable, exhausted and I couldn't sleep. Full blown insomnia that had me sobbing for hours through frustration. Me and my partner have had many callings out over this.
I thought that the long time off would help, but 3 days in and I'm already plagued with negative thoughts. I need something to help me, anything at all that will stop me getting myself in such a stress over something which I've been through before. In experience, I know that my thoughts are often worse that reality, but why? I need a way to stop them because I can't spend my holiday like this!
Sorry to ramble, I needed to let off some steam.
Thank you.
I think I know why I'm so worried, I'm expecting the work anxiety to return in full blow near to the end of the holidays and I don't like how it feels. I was a mess before returning to work after Christmas, I got on top of it later in the year but only because the performance management cycle had finished and I looked like I was back on track. But then OFSTED came in and I got it wrong again. I'm back on a support plan (which sounds good but it was not a nice experience) and the pressure of the job has returned. I know that the new year will bring fresh challenges, a busy timetable and higher expectations. If I'm honest, I don't know if I can do it this time. I'm very driven, I want to be the best, and I didn't take time off all last year, but right now I wish I could just stay off forever. These feelings returned towards the end of the year, I was miserable, exhausted and I couldn't sleep. Full blown insomnia that had me sobbing for hours through frustration. Me and my partner have had many callings out over this.
I thought that the long time off would help, but 3 days in and I'm already plagued with negative thoughts. I need something to help me, anything at all that will stop me getting myself in such a stress over something which I've been through before. In experience, I know that my thoughts are often worse that reality, but why? I need a way to stop them because I can't spend my holiday like this!
Sorry to ramble, I needed to let off some steam.
Thank you.