my girlfriend scares me...

[claire_2910]

Hi everyone i'm Claire.

I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 5 years now and sometimes, she likes to have a laugh. For instance, she will pretend to be a character. This evening she played "dead" and I was tickling her and trying to make her move - this was fine, I can handle this and I did find it funny.

Then she carried it on upstairs pretending to be a zombie and saying "get down stairs now". She got really repetative and it started to annoy me and I asked her to stop. It then started to freak me out a bit and I asked her to stop. She gets really persistant because 'she's having fun'. I threw a bottle of water over her and she laughed but then got back into character.. following me around the house. I started shouting asking her to stop and she wouldn't so I got really angry and hit her arm and she still carried on. My intentions were to tell her i don't find this funny. I then shouted again and sat on the floor and cried and my hands were shaking.

I don't know why but this scares me. I start to believe she is someone else, because she MAKES me believe this with her actions.

I told her this was not normal behaviour and she said some harsh things and i need to get a grip and shes having a laugh and if she can't do that with her girlfriend blah blah blah....

I only think jokes are funny when you are both laughing, when one person isn't then it no longer is a joke. I always feel like she pushes the boundaries. She once hid my phone ALL day and wouldn't give it me back, because to her it was a joke. I got really wound up and angry/crying and she still wouldn't give it me. I don't get it? Her mum is the same though, she pushes boundaries - with me also. So she gets it from her.

Advice please? Oh and if I talk to her or try... she will just tell me I'm being stupid.

XX

[bottleblond]

You're girlfriend sounds really immature to be honest.

A relationship works both ways and if she doesn't respect you enough to talk to you when you are upset without poking fun at you then you're never going to resolve this.

I can understand that she thinks this game is 'fun' but when it really effects you to the point you are in tears, then it's definitely no laughing matter.

Hope you get it sorted hun

Lisa

[claire_2910]

Hi Lisa

Yes she can be very immature. I love her a lot but I feel I am fighting a loosing battle with her games sometimes. Her mum used to make remarks to me to the point where I would go home and cry, I tried to speak to her mum and she told me to "toughen up". I told her I didn't have these problems with anyone else so why should I change for your behaviour?...

How can I make her see how she behaves? I can't talk as she doesn't listen :(

[bottleblond]

You poor thing.

I'd try to get your girlfriend onside before you tackle the mother to be honest.

As for the game playing, Try to suggest something you would both enjoy :blush: Lol....

[claire_2910]

I just tried talking to her. Failed miserably. She said it was a game and I told her if it makes me upset it is not a game and she should respect my feelings. I then told her she has obviously not be taught about boundaries when she was growing up. She swore and told me to get out of the room. I feel like she never listens to my feelings. I am stupid. No, I just have feelings and I am very sensitive :(

[KK77]

Don't mean to be presumptuous but your gf sounds sadistic to me, which ties in with what BB said about immaturity above. I'm not sure how old you both are but after being together for 5 years there should be a level of respect and understanding which, joking and fun aside, enables you to also have a serious conversation without it ending up in a fight.

I think you seriously need to consider whether this relationship is right for you. Telling someone they're 'stupid' when you try to talk to them is bullying and controlling behaviour. Some people grow up and mature but, irrespective of age, many others do not unfortunately.

[bottleblond]

Yup agree with MM.

Telling you to 'get out of her room' sounds like she is treating you like a sibling rather than a lover. Perhaps she is confusing the two.

[claire_2910]

I don't deserve to be treated like this. She sees this as a big argument over something so tiny its pathetic. I tried to sit down to talk to her again and she just says "yawn" and "cheerio" when I walk out the room!

[bottleblond]

What age is she Claire? I'd say going on her attitude, she sounds about 16 but I doubt that as you have been in a relationship with her for 5 years.

You're right, you don't deserve to be treated that way. You sound like your really sensible but your other half is behaving like a spoiled brat. (Sorry) but that's the impression i'm getting of her hun.

x

[claire_2910]

She's 24 and I am 22. She has now gone out of the house in my car, she hasn't said where she is going she just went. This worries me also. I feel I am being punished for being so petty. But I can't help my feelings or thoughts. She said she tried to talk to me earlier on and ask me what was the matter, I told her i didnt want to talk about it right there and then.... because I needed some time to calm down and think. I went and spoke to her 10 mins later. But my chance had gone to talk..... so its my fault. I am worrying now where she may have gone so late? All i kept asking was to sit down and talk!

[bottleblond]

Claire you're NOT being petty. You told her that you didn't like what she was doing and that it scared you so you have explained your side of things.

Your girlfriend has probably just gone for a wee drive. Sounds like she enjoys making you worry about things so don't. Let her get on with it and don't show her that it's bothered you when she gets back. Play her at her home game. :winks: