View Full Version : Meeting a girl for sex / Food issue
I really need some good advice about this. Or some general feedback. Anything.
This friday I'm going to meet a girl. We've been chatting online for a week and spoken on the phone, but we've never met. She seems very likeable and I feel comfortable chatting with her and I've told her about my anxiety thing and she's ok with it. The understanding is that we're going to have sex (although we're going to get to know each other too). I've seen lots of pictures of her and she's very nice, and she's seen pictures of me and I'm very nice (she says).
I'm nervous enough as it is, but the anxiety thing could also become an issue. At the moment the idea is for her to come to my area and meet me in a pub very nearby (I suggested this, so that it's easier for me), and then come to my place.
But I have a dilemma. Not the nervousness of meeting her, as I can deal with that. Not the anxiety as I can deal with that too. The issue is food. The idea of eating, even in my own flat, with a girl around who I've never met, is not something that I look forward to. It's not that we're going to have a meal or anything like that, but I just don't know when I should eat on that day so that I won't be hungry while she's here.
If we meet at 8, chat for about an hour and then come to mine at 9 or so, then chat some more until about 10 before things get started (which seems realistic to me), I know I'm going to get hungry at some point, and I dread that, and I dread having to grab something to eat (I can prepare something but it's having to eat it).
If we meet earlier the problem is still there, if not worse. If we meet later it might not become an issue as I could eat my last meal of the day before meeting her, but then I'd have to meet her quite late, and I don't look forward to being in a pub late with a lot of people around, which would make me more nervous, especially on a friday night. Even if we met on another less busy day it's probably going to be fairly busy still.
I could always tell her to meet me earlier (about 6, which is as early as she can meet) and just have a drink and leave it at that, and then it will be easier next time. But I want to get it (the sex) over and done with, because I'm sure I'll be less nervous the next time. I've done this before and I know what I'm like. After the first time it gets easier.
I know that I could just meet her at my place late, and I'm sure she'll be ok with that, but then again it might feel weird having a girl that I've never met pop round to my place for sex. Maybe I could do that but that's something for me to decide. I should be able to meet her in a venue, and that's really what I'd rather do.
I'm willing to pay for a cab for her if necessary, but I want to go through the challenge of having her stay the night and being ok with it.
By the way the sex isn't a major issue. The idea of getting laid puts me at ease for some reason. Usually. Maybe the feeling of acceptance does something, I don't know.
So what do I do? How do I meet this girl at a reasonable time so that we can go back to mine and do the deed, without me getting hungry? That's what I want to deal with. After the first meeting I know that the food thing will be easier to deal with but I need some advice for the first time we meet and come back to mine.
(By the way it's very tricky signing in. You sign in and then you have to sign in again, sometimes many times. This could be a problem for anyone wanting to post something urgently, and it could make them panic a bit if they need to say or ask something. Could someone sort this out please. But please, I don't want to talk about it here, my problem is far more urgent).
bottleblond
22-07-12, 23:49
Sheesh whatever happened to plain old simple DATING!! :doh:
How do you know you'll fancy someone you've never met - and vice versa? You should first meet, then let nature take its course, instead of over-analysing every possible outcome and eventuality. If you 'hit it off' I'm sure you'll find a way around the food issue.
Meeting people in 'real life' is the tasting of the pudding ;)
nomorepanic
23-07-12, 00:07
(By the way it's very tricky signing in. You sign in and then you have to sign in again, sometimes many times. This could be a problem for anyone wanting to post something urgently, and it could make them panic a bit if they need to say or ask something. Could someone sort this out please. But please, I don't want to talk about it here, my problem is far more urgent).
This is a problem at your end - most likely to do with cookies. If you click on the "remember me" box it should help as well.
This is a problem at your end
Wise words Nicola :roflmao:
Hi Cant you eat an hour before you meet her ? Then eat something else when shes gone home ?.Something like Pasta will fill you up for longer especially the Brown VARIETY as it is slow release . Maybe a creamy sauce with veg or chicken ..Dont use Garlic tho as it will make your breath smell .Could spoil the moment :winks:...Sue
Hi Cant you eat an hour before you meet her ? Then eat something else when shes gone home ?.Something like Pasta will fill you up for longer especially the Brown VARIETY as it is slow release . Maybe a creamy sauce with veg or chicken ..Dont use Garlic tho as it will make your breath smell .Could spoil the moment :winks:...Sue
Thanks for the advice on what to eat, I'll bear it in mind.
Yes I can eat an hour before meeting her. That's not a problem. The thing is that if she comes to my place (which is the idea, that's what she wants), she's going to be here from say 9 or whatever and then all night. That's why at some point I will need to eat again. Even if we only meet at the pub for an hour and we don't come back to mine (which in itself is fine), at some point in the future she's going to come back here, and then she'll be here for hours and hours and that's the thing. I can delay the day when she'll spend the night but sooner or later it's going to happen.
Perhaps the first time it would be better to get her a Taxi home after your evening was over .so to speak ..Then think about all that when you meet her next ..You might not like her in real life .or visa versa .You could always make a sandwich and eat it when you go make a drink .She will no doubt need one at some point ..The more you get to know her you should feel more comfortable with her .So hopefully when she does stay over ,it might not be such a big deal ,.She already knows your anxious ,so thats the first hurdle over ..Take it one date at a time .Too much thinking will only make you more anxious ..Sue
Perhaps the first time it would be better to get her a Taxi home after your evening was over .so to speak ..Then think about all that when you meet her next ..You might not like her in real life .or visa versa .You could always make a sandwich and eat it when you go make a drink .She will no doubt need one at some point ..The more you get to know her you should feel more comfortable with her .So hopefully when she does stay over ,it might not be such a big deal ,.She already knows your anxious ,so thats the first hurdle over ..Take it one date at a time .Too much thinking will only make you more anxious ..Sue
I'm thinking about maybe just meeting her in the early evening for a couple of hours (this was the original plan anyway), and make it like a date, and then grab something to eat with her (not eat in, something to take away) as I walk her to the bus stop or whatever. Then I will have experience of eating around her, which is kind of like a rehearsal. And also she will have invested some time with me so she'll be keen on meeting again which will make me more comfortable. But it doesn't totally remove the problem of eating at home while she's here from 9 onwards and all night. But it would make it easier.
Maybe I could take it in steps. Maybe the second time I could meet her at 8, come back here, do the deed, and just get her a cab (and grab a quick bite while we wait for it to arrive, just as practise, which should be ok for me as I will know that she's going).
Then, the 3rd time, I can do everything the normal way and have her stay the night, and I will have 2 occasions of eating around her under my belt.
That does sound more like it ..It doesnt pay to rush into things ..See how the first date goes and take it from there .Personally I would never take someone home id met on the Internet the first time .The more you get to know her the more comfortable it will get ..Its only natural ..Let things happen more naturally rather than plan ahead so far ..Hope it goes well for you ...Sue
I really think rather than try and plan it all like a military operation, you should just let things happen naturally.
Trying to arrange things like 8pm eat, 9pm, meet her, 10pm have sex etc... is a bit weird to be honest, and doesn't take into account what she may want - chances are she may not want to fit into whatever plans you have, then you have wasted your time worrying.
Also have you asked yourself what this girl is really like if she wants to meet some man she has met on the internet, and sleep with them and stay over the first night ? that would set serious alarm bells ringing for me
I really think rather than try and plan it all like a military operation, you should just let things happen naturally.
Trying to arrange things like 8pm eat, 9pm, meet her, 10pm have sex etc... is a bit weird to be honest, and doesn't take into account what she may want - chances are she may not want to fit into whatever plans you have, then you have wasted your time worrying.
Also have you asked yourself what this girl is really like if she wants to meet some man she has met on the internet, and sleep with them and stay over the first night ? that would set serious alarm bells ringing for me
I'm not planning what time things are going to happen. I'm just thinking about what is likely to happen, what is realistic, what is reasonable to expect, in order to think about when to eat.
There are no alarm bells ringing.
It's amazing how many women put basic "no sex please" statements in their profile, but on the first date they whip your clothes off fast enough to damage the fabric of reality and leave red marks on your buttocks that burn like coals for the next three days. I have met several who demanded NO protection - keep your wits about you because it's easy to make mistakes in the heat of the moment. (Yes, I know plenty of men demand the same of women, I'm not on a gender crusade here.)
It's difficult to advise you how to get over your fear of eating in front of others. I used to suffer from this terribly. One day it all changed; I was having a meal with my family for someone's birthday and had so much fun I forgot to give a shit about what other people thought. Are we allowed to swear on here these days? After that, some kind of mental blockage just evaporated.
If you're super-paranoid you can excuse yourself after the meal, go to the toilet and examine your teeth to make sure nothing got stuck there - don't be long or she'll think you've gone for a dump. At the end of the day when you gradually come to respect yourself and accept that there is nothing wrong with being nervous about eating in front of other people, the fear seems to dissipate with accelerating speed until you forgot you ever had it.
I think you are thinking this through too much...do you have some food phobia or obsession? You seem to have a fear of getting hungry. What do you believe would happen if you didn't eat for, say, 6 hours?
If you plan dates and times too much beforehand she may not like it and want to do something else and then you wil be put in an anxious position for yourself.
I can't say I approve of meeting on the internet and having sex on a first date but that isn't relevent to the problem so I won't go into that, plus its totally your choice, but I would be very anxious doing that. Perhaps because I am a woman.
nomorepanic
23-07-12, 19:54
I think the title is a bit off-putting for me as you have already decided you are meeting for sex ! Maybe it could have just said "meeting a girl for the first time / Food isssue".
Did you sort the logging in problem as you never replied about that?
eight days a week
23-07-12, 20:42
It's amazing how many women put basic "no sex please" statements in their profile, but on the first date they whip your clothes off fast enough to damage the fabric of reality and leave red marks on your buttocks that burn like coals for the next three days. I have met several who demanded NO protection - keep your wits about you because it's easy to make mistakes in the heat of the moment. (Yes, I know plenty of men demand the same of women, I'm not on a gender crusade here.)...
Dear God.
Can you let us know which site you are on (only because it's the wrong one that everyone should avoid)?
It reminds me a bit of a girl I slept with in South Korea many moons ago who thanked me afterwards for using a condom (!!) A very stern talking to and education resulted for her (and a very thorough shower and subsequent test for all STDs for me) - I hope she took some of it on board. South Korea is different from here (or at least was then) because of the culture that men get what they want, women are subservient, and with (apparently) very little sex education (sex ten years ago there was quite taboo and I have little doubt still is).
I personally think demanding unprotected sex from a new (unknown) partner may be part of a mental health issue, a bit like how some of us may smoke cigarettes supposedly as a subconsious or partly-conscious 'death urge' or wish to at least flirt with death (?) Or perhaps it's because they have had unprotected sex in the past and so doing it again is a way for them to feel it's 'alright' and 'normal' and that 'everyone' does it, so it's nothing special to worry about.
It also reminds me a little bit of the very small sub-section of the gay community (sorry I forget what they call themselves) who try to deliberately get infected with HIV as a 'badge of honour'. True story :lac::weep:
OP - it sounds like this girl only cares about sex with you, so if that's what you want to don't worry about the rest of it (food etc) because she won't - so just remove those from the equation - simple. Arrange a time to suit you and your eating needs, and just be very careful indeed (I would suggest no oral sex, and definitely no penetration without a condom).
Any girl who even hinted at unprotected sex without us first being regular, exclusive, partners, and secondly both of us having tests first, I would personally sling out on her ear after being given the aforementioned lecture, and I'd suggest anything else is absolute madness.
I simply can't believe I am writing this in this day and age (in the UK). We had almost no education at school (20 years ago) about STDs but surely things have moved on from that long ago?! :lac:
Hi Leafar,
Just to add to what's already been posted, just take it easy and enjoy your night. There's no need to think of getting the sex 'over with'. For lots of people, the best part is getting to know someone, having a few drinks and a laugh, enjoying each other's company. If that leads to sex on the first night, the fifth or in 6 months' time, so be it. Just take one step at a time.
Just be careful (condoms) and enjoy yourself. I met my partner online and we're still together 9 years later.
Pip
I think the title is a bit off-putting for me as you have already decided you are meeting for sex ! Maybe it could have just said "meeting a girl for the first time / Food isssue".
Did you sort the logging in problem as you never replied about that?
It's fine. Ticking Remember Me makes a difference.
---------- Post added at 23:32 ---------- Previous post was at 23:23 ----------
maybe combine the two like I do, my wife is so large and ugly that I can only bear sex with her from behind so I utilise her wide hairy back to pop a pizza on, and a bowl of cheesy chips so I can nibble away while doing my thing.
I once foolishly stored some maltesers in her bum crack though and got very confused the next day, I thought she`d had a bit of an accident in the night. bless her.
seriously mate just try to relax about it all, and be honest with the lass. if you feel hungry or a bit giddy even during sex you just need to say to her that you feel a bit acky and a bite to eat would help. chances are she`s also a bit nervous and may be worried about all sorts of things too.
porridge and honey are a winner as are any wholemeal foods. but beware shovelling too much pasta or you`ll be farting like a sick horse.
best of luck mate, hope it all goes well and leads to a long and happy time together
Paul
I've told her that I'll be nervous and about the possibility that I might panic a bit and she's fine with it. She hasn't gone too much out of her way to say reassuring things but I can tell she understands. Maybe she doesn't want to talk about it in case it makes it worse. And when I asked her if she herself was going to be nervous she said definitely yes.
I'm just going to keep it very simple and do it in stages. First meeting down the pub (5 mins from my front door) then home. Next time same thing but then to my place and afterwards I'll get her a cab and send her on her way (she only lives a couple of miles away). Then after that, have her stay the night. The food issue will be a challenge but I could always have a big breakfast, a big lunch, with a bite inbetween, and then eat earlier than I usually do and have some bites prepared in case I get peckish. The more comfortable I am around her the easier it will be, that's ultimately what will make the difference.
nomorepanic
24-07-12, 00:24
TMI!!
AuntieMoosie
27-10-13, 01:42
:ohmy:........is it just me or what????
What the heck happened to romance ???
How about getting to know someone first? falling in love maybe?
I really think that youngters are missing out on so much nowadays........what's the rush?
Courting in the most lovely part of a relationship, all the wining and dining and romance, walks along the beach.........oh don't start me off please!! lol
You must be mad to want to miss all of that, it's the best part!!
I was courting my ex hubby for 4 years before we married, and my present partner and I courted for 5 years before we moved in together...........who the heck wants to play the husband and wife game so quick??!!
:ohmy:.........gawd!!................I'm getting old aren't I :wacko:
nomorepanic
27-10-13, 01:43
This post is really old moosie
AuntieMoosie
27-10-13, 01:45
Oh! pig mine!!!!............it's from 2012!!!! :roflmao:
Thanks Nic..........*message to self* "remember to check the date" :winks: :roflmao:
maybe combine the two like I do, my wife is so large and ugly that I can only bear sex with her from behind so I utilise her wide hairy back to pop a pizza on, and a bowl of cheesy chips so I can nibble away while doing my thing.
I once foolishly stored some maltesers in her bum crack though and got very confused the next day, I thought she`d had a bit of an accident in the night. bless her.
seriously mate just try to relax about it all, and be honest with the lass. if you feel hungry or a bit giddy even during sex you just need to say to her that you feel a bit acky and a bite to eat would help. chances are she`s also a bit nervous and may be worried about all sorts of things too.
porridge and honey are a winner as are any wholemeal foods. but beware shovelling too much pasta or you`ll be farting like a sick horse.
best of luck mate, hope it all goes well and leads to a long and happy time together
Paul
This post. My day made!
WOW :whiplash::whiplash:R U for REAL!!!!
If you can't even bare eating around a female even in your own environment forget the 'S'
Bit!!!!!
U say you've done this before BUT perhaps as Nic as suggested good old fashioned dating would be more suitable for you. Step by step!
I really dont think this type of female contact works for u! Especially when it leads you to write stuff of this description, on a thread.
I'm not saying anything else.
I agree with Nic.
Ps - auntie Moosie your not getting old X I'm 32 and having 3rd baby, I'm not a prude I just think meeting for Sex with an unknown person is bizarre - my opinion & I wouldn't thread on here anonymous or not x
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