I AM MY OWN WORST FEAR

[jodi78148]

Hi All,
I'm having a bad day and a bad feeling that they may increase. I just had my son a week ago and stopped taking my Prozac while I was pregnant. Well now all the hormones are raging and my anxiety is creeping back. It just breaks my heart to know that this is a forever fight for me. It i so hard to keep this unobviouse to my kids and husband. I really don't want to make my kids uneasy too, And well my husband just doesn't understand, but i'm sure many can relate. At times I am envious that he will never know what this fight is like but at the same time I wouldn't wish this fight on my worst enemy. Sometimes I wonder if I actually planned this as a struggle in my life, and if so what the heck was I thinking. My biggest and worst fear that makes my anxiety worse is the fear of going crazy. Now I know most will say that is not going to happen and I know that but it still haunts me. I'm so scared of being caught back up in anxiety again. I AM MY OWN WORST FEAR, how sad is that:(? Its nice to know that i'm not alone though. I will just keep praying for brighter days. Thanks for listening.

[freakedout]

Hi there,

firstly congratulations on the birth of your baby boy.

As you stated in your post "hormones are raging" and you are sure to be feeling a range of emotions during this initial post-natal period. I want to reassure you, not to expect too much of yourself right now, it takes a while for things to settle after the pregnancy, and what with sleep deprivation too anybody would feel low.

I do not mean to minimise the extent of your anxiety, Having personal experience I would never do that. I can understand exactly what you mean when you say you are your own worst fear. I often wished I could run away from myself or switch myself off. At times the struggle seems constant and keeping up an act of "being ok" for family members soon takes its toll. Have you started taking prozac again? Have you seen a midwife, doctor or health visitor and discussed your feelings?

Its early days, this may just be a simple case of the baby blues, I hope so for your sake.

I hope that you start to feel better soon. Take care, be kind to yourself and if you need to pm me please do.

Freakedout x

[eeyorelover]

Hi Jodi -
Welcome to the forum and CONGRATS on your new baby :)
It is a comfort to have people who understand - huh??!!
Alot of the anxiety you are feeling right now could be because of the hormonal changes you are going thru.
I used to have the same fear about going crazy too. It's so scary especially when you have kids and a hubby that depend on you. I can't convince you that won't happen. But if you do some reading up on the site about the differences between going crazy and having anxiety - it might help calm some of those fears. I've always believed that knowledge is power (probably from the schoolhouse rock childhood - never mind you are probably way to young to remember that...lol)
Anyway, I know you will find lots of great info and a bunch of supportive people here.
xxx
Sandy

[jodi78148]

Hey, thanks for all the great advice. This is why I love this site. I have started taking my Prozac again and lorazapam at night. I am hanging in there but its scary when you feel it all creepying back. Last time I had an episode was when my first son was born and I don't even know who I was. When I look back it really scares me and I wonder who am I really. I try to think positive and when I feel the scary, ridiculouse thoughts movin in I try to distract myself in a better direction. Its so much mind control that it weakens me. I wish I could just be or feel completely sure of my suroundings and me again. I remember being a child and living free with no fear. I always think about how great that was. I'm so happy for my kids because I know that they are getting to see that now, but I worry about what they have to face later. I hear that anxiety can be genetic and it scares me for my boys. The world is a scary place and most people don't make it any easier. Everytime you turn on the news or listen to the radio you are reminded. And just think i'm in the military, a soldier, what a career to pick huh? Well i have talked to much. Again thanks to all and I will keep checking for advice.
Jodi

[RunsFromBugs]

Again congrats on your new baby!!! That is so exciting and I hope you feel very proud of yourself for making it through nine months without your meds all while going through the normal anxieties of being pregnant. I'm very impressed as being preggers is one of my biggest fears but also something I want to do someday.

The thoughts are the scariest for me too. I know it's said so much it's almost a cliche around here but have you read Claire Weeke's books yet? Her chapters on obsessive thoughts is something I read over and over and over as it always makes me feel better. I've also reprinted some posts about it from here that I keep by my bedside for when I feel anxious. Hope you're having a better day and feel free to pm me anytime!