Aubrey
23-07-12, 14:20
Whenever i go out, it takes me around 10-20 minutes to make myself feel comfortable and to go to the toilet in preperation for the trip - whether its an hours drive or a 5 minute walk. I've always been able to deal with going into certain scary situations and tend to keep my cool.
I always need to know theres a toilet where i'm going. I even phone ahead sometimes if i am unsure. I am unlikely to go places without toilets because it increases my anxiety to the point where i am terrified of wetting myself :unsure:
Anyway, recently i have not been out for ages. I have become isolated because i have had some horrible experiences going out. I am especially struggling going out with my husband in the car, even though he understands and supports me. He started grabbing shopping on the way home from work and wanted to take me up to this supermarket to have a look round, so i finally got enough confidence to go with him one weekend. It took me ages to ready myself, but i was incredibly anxious and uncomfortable on the way. I start needing the loo (even though i never drink anything before going out places - its a coping mechanism). When we got there (5 min drive) i sat and waited for hubby to get baby out of the car. My legs were wobbly and i felt i couldn't stand. I got out slowly and, feeling like i really needed the toilet, i wobbled along behind him as we walked to the entrance. He sat baby in trolley and i walked ahead (i CANT faff around, it panics me so much). We got inside the entrance, and i just couldn't stand anymore. It was horrible. My anxiety was bubbling over and i felt the terror and the fear that i'd surely wet myself if i moved any further. I quickly retreated to a chair in the entrance door and almost cried. My husband tried so hard to encourage me, but all i could feel was the uncomfortable nagging feeling of needing the toilet. He told me where the loos where and told me he'd wait, but i just couldn't do it. I didnt want to be there anymore, i wanted to go home and cry :weep:
I told him to go on and i'd wait for him at the entrance, but he wanted me to go too. I was stressing and i told him i wanted to go home. So, we turned outside, took baby out of trolley and headed home in silence. I could have cried and cried and cried.
The feeling is absolutely debilitating. I can't walk through it, because i feel i'll most definitely wet myself. I've had this feeling for 6 years and have learnt to tame my anxiety to a certain degree (i learnt to calm myself and relax) but after so long of not going out the house, the supermarket was the most terrifying place in the world.
I felt so awful for my husband, and hes had to do the shopping alone ever since. I long to go out and i long to do these things with him, just like we used to, but my confidence has taken such a knock in this past year. I think of all the things i used to do (whilst suffering from anxiety i mean) and i wonder how i ever did them, i wonder how i ever managed.
I walked into town alone (10 min walk) last saturday and i panicked and needed the toilet all the way there and all the way round. :weep: As soon as i'm headed home, the feeling of anxiety and needing the toilet passes and i am comfortable and relaxed. once i'm home i find i don't even go to the toilet for several hours afterwards!! The feeling is all in my mind, but it is so overwhelming.
I'm so unhappy with this at the moment. I can't motivate to try to go out on my own with baby in the week when husband is at work because it takes so bloomin' long just to get myself comfortable and ready (and i feel its all for nothing because the minute i step out of the house, i start thinking about needing the toilet :weep:)
I want this to get better, i am so tired :weep:
I always need to know theres a toilet where i'm going. I even phone ahead sometimes if i am unsure. I am unlikely to go places without toilets because it increases my anxiety to the point where i am terrified of wetting myself :unsure:
Anyway, recently i have not been out for ages. I have become isolated because i have had some horrible experiences going out. I am especially struggling going out with my husband in the car, even though he understands and supports me. He started grabbing shopping on the way home from work and wanted to take me up to this supermarket to have a look round, so i finally got enough confidence to go with him one weekend. It took me ages to ready myself, but i was incredibly anxious and uncomfortable on the way. I start needing the loo (even though i never drink anything before going out places - its a coping mechanism). When we got there (5 min drive) i sat and waited for hubby to get baby out of the car. My legs were wobbly and i felt i couldn't stand. I got out slowly and, feeling like i really needed the toilet, i wobbled along behind him as we walked to the entrance. He sat baby in trolley and i walked ahead (i CANT faff around, it panics me so much). We got inside the entrance, and i just couldn't stand anymore. It was horrible. My anxiety was bubbling over and i felt the terror and the fear that i'd surely wet myself if i moved any further. I quickly retreated to a chair in the entrance door and almost cried. My husband tried so hard to encourage me, but all i could feel was the uncomfortable nagging feeling of needing the toilet. He told me where the loos where and told me he'd wait, but i just couldn't do it. I didnt want to be there anymore, i wanted to go home and cry :weep:
I told him to go on and i'd wait for him at the entrance, but he wanted me to go too. I was stressing and i told him i wanted to go home. So, we turned outside, took baby out of trolley and headed home in silence. I could have cried and cried and cried.
The feeling is absolutely debilitating. I can't walk through it, because i feel i'll most definitely wet myself. I've had this feeling for 6 years and have learnt to tame my anxiety to a certain degree (i learnt to calm myself and relax) but after so long of not going out the house, the supermarket was the most terrifying place in the world.
I felt so awful for my husband, and hes had to do the shopping alone ever since. I long to go out and i long to do these things with him, just like we used to, but my confidence has taken such a knock in this past year. I think of all the things i used to do (whilst suffering from anxiety i mean) and i wonder how i ever did them, i wonder how i ever managed.
I walked into town alone (10 min walk) last saturday and i panicked and needed the toilet all the way there and all the way round. :weep: As soon as i'm headed home, the feeling of anxiety and needing the toilet passes and i am comfortable and relaxed. once i'm home i find i don't even go to the toilet for several hours afterwards!! The feeling is all in my mind, but it is so overwhelming.
I'm so unhappy with this at the moment. I can't motivate to try to go out on my own with baby in the week when husband is at work because it takes so bloomin' long just to get myself comfortable and ready (and i feel its all for nothing because the minute i step out of the house, i start thinking about needing the toilet :weep:)
I want this to get better, i am so tired :weep: