i want to love myself

[R.Barratt]

Hello everyone :)
Feeling really down today. I had a little argument with my boyfriend. And went spiralling into my depression. I wanted to keep logical and just see it for what it is. But instead I was in tears for hours. Completely blaming myself. And hating myself. Hurting myself. I want to get to that stage in my life where if I fall out with a friend or boyfriend and I don't blame myself and I can keep my logic. And not hate myself. But I hate myself so much I blame everything on myself even when it isn't I want to respect myself :(
Any advie is appreciated thank you xxxx

[BobbyDog]

I think most anxiey sufferers including myself have a very low self esteem, if we had a lot of self confidence we would probably be able to rise above the anxiety.
It is very difficult when we have depression because nothing anybody says makes us feel positive and happy.

The only thing I can say is that your boyfriend obviously cares about you, if you were not a nice person he would not be with you.

Try and put the argument behind you, perhaps think of something good that the two of you could do together, just enjoying each others company.

[eight days a week]

I think most anxiey sufferers including myself have a very low self esteem, if we had a lot of self confidence we would probably be able to rise above the anxiety.
It is very difficult when we have depression because nothing anybody says makes us feel positive and happy.

I completely agree with this!

Maybe the 'key' to this is to try to work out where these (illogical, it seems from what you have written) feelings of self-hurt and self-blame come from and why, and then try to change your thinking (in the style of CBT).

Or maybe you don't need to understand 'why' and 'where' they came from, but just address your thinking now (CBT again)?

I am very confused about this point myself right now. I had CBT which helped loads (just not enough!) and helped me to change my thinking a great deal. Now they have shunted me into a psychotherapy group which seems to always link into the past. I understand the connections between how I feel now and my past experiences, but going over the past makes me feel uncomfortable, and brings up a lot of memories that I feel give me pain for no practical reason. So, just for me, I am not sure that is the right path and maybe just focussing on how to deal with things right now is the best way for me :shrug:

I am sorry I haven't been more help, but wish you very well :hugs:

[R.Barratt]

thank you for your kind advice :)
thye annoying thing is i understand why i feel this way because of being abused all through my childhood and told on a daily basis what a horrible person i am. so now its obviously in my head.
but i feel like i will always feel this way as it has been a hab
it of a lifetime x