Goldfinch
26-07-12, 08:32
I discontinued Citalopram in February with my GP's agreement after using it to get through a horrendous divorce, which cost me so much money that at one point I could not pay my tax bill and had to set up a repayment plan with the Inland Revenue. I'm renting at the moment with my 18-year-old daughter and 13-year-old son, but have registered with the local housing association and hope to find somewhere next year.
We have escaped a horrible situation, I have money for a deposit, I have plenty of work (I'm self-employed and work from home), good friends, a wonderful boyfriend and supportive family. But I've started to realise how financially strapped we are living here (rented accommodation is really expensive in my area and I was unable to claim housing benefit because of the capital from the sale of our house). I need dental work, our laptop needs repair, my son is outgrowing clothes and shoes faster than I can buy them, my daughter won't be going to university till next year and hasn't found a job yet, and I am terrified that I won't be able to provide for us all. I don't know how much of this fear is rationally related to the situation, how much is fallout from years of an abusive relationship and how much is just me (my mum and brother both suffer from depression so I know it's in the genes).
This morning I woke at 4.30 after about four hours' sleep and the panic was like a hot burning pain in my stomach every time I thought about anything to do with the situation (it's hard to stop thinking about it for long). I struggle to think of different approaches and the thought keeps coming back to me that I will end up old and homeless (I'm 56 now and going through the menopause, which probably doesn't help either). I've tried St John's Wort for about six weeks but think I probably need something stronger, but then I feel pathetic for not being able to cope with the normal ups and downs of life, plus citalopram makes me drowsy and when I tried fluoxetine I was climbing the walls. None of this is helping me to work and bring the money in!
I feel so awful I just wanted to get it off my chest to someone who would understand.
:huh:
We have escaped a horrible situation, I have money for a deposit, I have plenty of work (I'm self-employed and work from home), good friends, a wonderful boyfriend and supportive family. But I've started to realise how financially strapped we are living here (rented accommodation is really expensive in my area and I was unable to claim housing benefit because of the capital from the sale of our house). I need dental work, our laptop needs repair, my son is outgrowing clothes and shoes faster than I can buy them, my daughter won't be going to university till next year and hasn't found a job yet, and I am terrified that I won't be able to provide for us all. I don't know how much of this fear is rationally related to the situation, how much is fallout from years of an abusive relationship and how much is just me (my mum and brother both suffer from depression so I know it's in the genes).
This morning I woke at 4.30 after about four hours' sleep and the panic was like a hot burning pain in my stomach every time I thought about anything to do with the situation (it's hard to stop thinking about it for long). I struggle to think of different approaches and the thought keeps coming back to me that I will end up old and homeless (I'm 56 now and going through the menopause, which probably doesn't help either). I've tried St John's Wort for about six weeks but think I probably need something stronger, but then I feel pathetic for not being able to cope with the normal ups and downs of life, plus citalopram makes me drowsy and when I tried fluoxetine I was climbing the walls. None of this is helping me to work and bring the money in!
I feel so awful I just wanted to get it off my chest to someone who would understand.
:huh: