Fearthainn
26-07-12, 18:14
I am kind of afraid of being depressed if that makes sense.
I was diagnosed with anxiety a few years ago and and have suffered with it at different points of my life.
The latest episode started a month ago when I had a stomach problem. Severe health anxiety followed, and a couple of weeks later depersonalization and derealization set in. I have been obsessing about existence, life and death etc. The thought of suicide has crossed my mind - not a "I want to die" thought but "if life is absurd doesn't it make sense?". It scared the hell out of me and I can't shake it off. I keep questioning myself.
I am not sure if this is depression or simply ocd associated to my anxiety. I feel some sort of despair when I am feeling very anxious, but when I get distracted with something or manage to relax, I can laugh, feel happy and generally normal, although these seem to be only a few hours per day. But suddenly these thoughts pop up "what if I am really severely depressed?", "what if I lose control and do something stupid?", "nothing has a purpose, I can do what I want". Argh.
By the way my health problem has been completely resolved but the mental chaos it set off remain... I am living in a foreign country in Eastern Europe at the moment, which doesn't make me feel like reassured (not sure if I can find a therapist who speaks English for instance). This is making me even more anxious about it all.
I was diagnosed with anxiety a few years ago and and have suffered with it at different points of my life.
The latest episode started a month ago when I had a stomach problem. Severe health anxiety followed, and a couple of weeks later depersonalization and derealization set in. I have been obsessing about existence, life and death etc. The thought of suicide has crossed my mind - not a "I want to die" thought but "if life is absurd doesn't it make sense?". It scared the hell out of me and I can't shake it off. I keep questioning myself.
I am not sure if this is depression or simply ocd associated to my anxiety. I feel some sort of despair when I am feeling very anxious, but when I get distracted with something or manage to relax, I can laugh, feel happy and generally normal, although these seem to be only a few hours per day. But suddenly these thoughts pop up "what if I am really severely depressed?", "what if I lose control and do something stupid?", "nothing has a purpose, I can do what I want". Argh.
By the way my health problem has been completely resolved but the mental chaos it set off remain... I am living in a foreign country in Eastern Europe at the moment, which doesn't make me feel like reassured (not sure if I can find a therapist who speaks English for instance). This is making me even more anxious about it all.