Self Medicating

[JoniEdwards]

I have symptoms everyday, from shortness of breath, dizzyness, just plain being terrified of everything.

I took to self medicating because I am too afraid to take pills. So I drink, I drink everyday and have for the past two years. I drink to quiet the deafening fear that I am presented with every single day. I drink to play house and be the happy housewife. I drink to enjoying spending time with my family and friends. I drink to cure a hangover. I drink.

But I don't want to. I just now poured a tea and added whisky to it crying the while time I did it and crying while I am drinking it.

I don't know how this happened. But I need it to stop.

I want to learn how to deal with my daily symptoms without masking them I want to conquer my symptoms and beat them all on my own. I want to know that its ok if some days I am just dizzy...it just happens, I want to know that somedays I might wake up with a bit of a headache....that's part of life, I want to know that everyday can't go exactly as I planned, and that's ok because i can take it as it comes. The apt will be fine if I don't check everything 3 times before I leave, no one will die if I don't lift my feet over train tracks and sometimes bad things just happen, not because I caused them but because its part of life.

I need help. But I just do not know where to begin or even how to start.

Thanks for listening

Joni

[PanchoGoz]

Know this and know it well: It is your fear of the symptoms that is the reason they are there. The only reason. They are symptoms of anxiety (and yes, I can assure you what you have mentioned is anxiety) but you are scared of them, therefore you get more anxious and they increase.
Many people in recovery say that their anxiety has gone but the symptoms remain. This is for two reasons: Your body is still sensitized and will continue to release adrenaline for a while after your anxiety has died down. This lag between body and mind catches people out as they begin to wonder if the symptoms will ever go so they begin to worry about them again. Don't let it catch you out. Two, you are still afraid of the symptoms underneath.

The aim is to not care about the symptoms. Go about likfe with them there in the background, accept them as part of your present moment. Yes they feel bad. But they are not harmful.

Stop drinking a bit at a time. Drink should be an occasional social treat or a reward. You should not drink on your own. I'm sure you know all that, now what you need to do is gradually cut down. Or, throw all alcohol away right now, but that might do more harm than good.
If you have checked with your doctor that all is in order, trust him.
If you haven't already, read Claire Weeks's Self Help For Your Nerves and nothingworks.weebly.com.

[Emphyrio]

My relationship with drink has been less than great in the past - I drank when I was upset, drank alone playing computer games, drank to take the edge off any intrusive thoughts. I never consumed huge quantities of alcohol but I was using it in an anti-social manner, often choosing to drink alone. Even when I was working full time and felt relatively well I used it as a way to escape - it gave me something to look forward to in the evenings. But its not good for the body or the mind - try and cut down slowly and keep it as a treat like Pancho says.

I rarely feel the need to drink these days but I'm worried in case I've caused irreparable harm to my body or mind - especially as I'm going through a very tough time lately physically and mentally.

[StupidIdiot]

It's so tempting, when you feel the palpitations and the racing thoughts to pour yourself a glass of wine and hope it will level you out. It does, sometimes, I find, but it never lasts. It took me a long time to go back to my doctor, I didn't know what I'd say. I opened my mouth and it all came out, along with tears. I hope you can talk to your doctor Joni. All the best.