View Full Version : Roughest morning yet
I awoke at 5 and the panic symptoms started straight away. I had a cup of tea and 2 mg diazepam but it's now 9 and I still can't face anything to eat. I have started work, though I feel nauseated at the thought of doing anything I have had a bath and I have to say thinking about work is worse than actually doing it. I guess this is getting worse because I stopped St John's Wort six days ago; although it helped a bit it wasn't as effective as citalopram, which I will be starting tomorrow. I've also got an appointment with a GP at my practice next week, unfortunately not the lady I was seeing earlier during the bad times because she is off sick at the moment. I made the mistake of telling the children yesterday that I wasn't feeling too well at the moment and my daughter (18) almost flew at me and said it was pathetic and boring and "here come the waterworks". She has never been the most sympathetic of people. She also said most parents wouldn't tell their children this stuff and what kind of a mother was I? I think they both feel really threatened if I don't keep up a brave face - their father has practically disappeared from the scene (he sees our son maybe once a month, he and our daughter don't speak, and he is in dispute with the CSA because he thinks £154 a month is too much to pay in child support) so I am the only security they have, and I know my daughter is going through her own difficulties, in between school and uni, doesn't know her path and hasn't managed to find a job yet (though I think she could be trying harder). I've told them I'm not going into debt to replace a broken laptop and we will just have to save for a second hand one as and when we can. But they make me feel so useless! I know really I love them and they love me, but I feel as if I'm standing in front of a fire and can't feel any warmth. Anyway I hope the citalopram will work quickly, though as I recall the first couple of weeks can be pretty bad. I just needed to vent. Any support welcome.
Sorry to hear this. Have you tried explaining to your daughter what is wrong? Maybe she would be a bit more understanding.
My wife used to get really pissed off at me as 'there was always something wrong' but now she knows what I feel like she is a lot more supportive.
I can relate to your post, I've had my share of 5am baths, taking Diazepam, feeling sick and not knowing what to do with myself. It does feel horrible but you will get through it and get better.
I have a 14 and 15 year old, since being unwell this year I have told them that I don't feel well - they couldn't not of noticed - but I didn't want them worrying that there was something really bad (I know this feels worse but I mean like cancer) and to give them some insight and understanding of how 'normal' people can sometimes feel overwhelmed by their feelings and thoughts. If they ask how I feel and I'm having a bad day - I say so, I have always tried to function as best I can and cook, shop etc but they understand that at the moment I'm not feeling great and could do with some support.
Your daughters reaction may be due to a lack of understanding, most people go through life not understanding what its like to feel this rough and it's really hard to help them understand. When I'm in panic mode I have explained it to my daughter that it's like being stood at the top of a black run, surrounded by snakes and spiders, naked with an electric current running though me - she kind of got the idea! I've used different scenarios with other people depending on their fears, but only if their interested and are trying to empathise with me. It sounds like your daughter may not want to know - that's OK she probably loves you deeply and is protecting herself from feeling your pain.
Hope you feel better as the day goes on.
Good luck with the Citalopram - post if you need support
Love and hugs Sam
Thanks both. I might ask my sister-in-law (whom my daughter loves) to have a word with her - my brother suffers from depression and both my children think the world of him, so it might reassure them that this doesn't mean I am going to collapse and give up on caring for them. Liviguy, how did you explain to your wife how you were feeling? Sometimes it's like being in a different world from other people! It's so reassuring to hear from people who have felt like I do now and are improving - just shows there is some light at the end of the tunnel:unsure:
Liviguy, how did you explain to your wife how you were feeling? Sometimes it's like being in a different world from other people! It's so reassuring to hear from people who have felt like I do now and are improving - just shows there is some light at the end of the tunnel:unsure:
I just had to sit her down and be honest. I told her I am a very anxious person and somehow by telling everyone how crap I feel all the time somehow makes me feel better. I explained when it started happening, how it made me feel and comments like 'get over it', 'you are always ill', and 'there's nothing wrong with you' not only upset me, but make me feel even more alone and anxious.
I kind of felt like a fraud, as when we first met, everything was fantastic, probably due to my mind being occupied on other things, and slipping back into my old ways made me feel like I had given her 'false advertising' as to the real me.
I know she doesn't understand fully as to an non anxiety sufferer they are unable to visualise exactly how crap it can be, but she does try to be sympathetic and reassure me that it's only the anxiety making me feel crap and not anyting underlying.
She'll never fully understand though unless it happens to her personally and I have to accept that too.
I guess my boyfriend is in that position too. When we met I was in quite an optimistic place and I think he saw me as a bright, resourceful person coping well with single parenthood, self-employment and an ongoing divorce. He's a very practical and focused person and has helped me a lot in getting through the divorce and its aftermath. But I've resolved to be honest with him and if he asks whether I'm suffering from a cold or hay fever I will just answer no, I'm feeling really weepy! I do feel bad about it though, as though I'm just being a constant drag on him with my problems, but he says he loves me and just having me in his life makes me happy, and I'm sure your wife feels the same way.
Well my wife has had ample reasons to leave me (as my anxiety makes me very bad tempered and hard to live with at times) and she is still around lol.
Yes my brother gets in a foul mood when he's depressed and my sister-in-law copes pretty well!
Know how you feel, my husband has had to have the day off to look after our toddler because I feel so bad. He isn't happy about it. I feel I have let them down. So anxious now, the doctors seem to have washed their hands of me. I feel a mess.
Hi Stephanie, poor you. Have you been anxious for long?
On and off for years but much worse since giving birth. I just want it. To go away. I end up taking too many sleeping pills to make me feel calm at night even though I don't sleep. I feel rubbish
I found my anxiety increased after the birth of my children as I now have responsibilities to them.
Years, but much worse since giving birth two and a half years ago
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2024 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.